Concerned about finding a way to live together

[TwoWingedSpirit]

Hi all!

My boyfriend (Italian) and I (Dutch) have had more than enough of our isolated days at home and feel undeniably ready for a next step in our life. We want to look forward to living together in a future not too distant. The problem is, how will we organize that? The options are living in his country, living in my country or elsewhere (in between or wherever). But I keep thinking... Are they actually options?

Both he and I are struggling to find economical independence. This is mostly because we decided not to live a regular lifestyle when we close the distance. We have this idea of a green spot with a small home and an earth-loving life, growing our own food as much as feasible. Just be natural, that's what we want. We are really uncomfortable with modern society's standards and the western consumption pattern, the whole rat race... We can't picture ourselves with a regular nine-to-five job. Even though we're extremely glad we support each other's view, practical matters are different. For our life together, we will need to earn a certain minimum amount of money. We will cut our spendings in any possible way, so that we don't have to work (earn) a lot. But we can't live from absolutely no cash. We will need some form of work. And money beforehand.

At the present time, my boyfriend has a freelance job (he works mostly from home), but it's considered an internship and the period is limited. He does have a degree for a standard job that is considered valuable in this society, but as I said, he doesn't aspire the average kind of life. Even the thought is unsettling to him, but it concerns him a lot. I don't see him applying for functions. His argumentation melts my heart every time, because every value of his is so deep.

When it comes to me, there isn't much to choose at all. From middle to high school, I had to deal with multiple severe complications and couldn't continue going to school anymore. I was simply worn-out and didn't have the motivation to do something with my low high school degree; that didn't even make sense to me. Even though I don't have the degree to go to university, it turned out I could still do a university course at distance. That's what I do now. However, I have an annoying delay, because I don't seem to succeed with the first main exam. Doing everything alone at home is quite a challenge. I will see where I get, but what I already see is that it will take many years (6+) to finish a full bachelor. And I feel I can't do that here at home anymore... The empty environment is too disturbing and makes me feel weak and trapped (only my mom lives with me, but she's always busy with something). It's just not the right situation. So I will definitely need to start another project too, to create an income and realize the dream of living together. Even if it's still one year ahead of us, I need at least a perspective. Being stuck at home is making me way too cranky at times. My boyfriend understands all this really well and wishes he could do more, especially since his daily experience is so similar to mine.

I think the best choice would be his country Italy, since I'm learning his native language and he's still the one with better education (you never know what will come, after all). The Netherlands is small, populous and very urban. Nothing is determined, though... I don't see the wood for the trees anymore and that scares me. It's not that I don't really want to put effort into creating an independent source of money, because I do. Yes, I will also HAVE to, but it's something I'm passionate about as well! Whenever I read about entrepreneurship, I can't help but feel sparks of excitement. I'm a person of unstoppable willpower and somehow I'm convinced I must be able to do it too. But how will I do that if I'm probably going to emigrate? What plan can I work out in a different country, where I'm a foreign? The problem is that whenever I think of lucrative possibilities, I think of something that also involves the local area (like food and cooking, some of my biggest passions). But I don't think I can really integrate that for success. It would mean that, as soon as my business brings me the money I need, I would have to give it up here to move to my boyfriend. Which inevitably changes my audience. Does that mean the business opportunity still exists? Now, that's completely unpredictable. Unless it's purely based on internet, then location wouldn't really be a factor for success. Sorry for my rambling, my head has been too full lately! There are just so many questions... I don't even know how much we need to earn exactly. Will we have the potential to earn enough? Will it ever be stable enough for mortgage? Should we have a car? (I know, not so green) Right now it's just really impractical to take location into account, but that narrows our business possibilities. I can't seem to find ideas anymore...

Is there anyone in a similar situation, with so many complexities? It seems impossible to find people who can relate. The combination of the country difference, the rejection of a standard job and standard lifestyle... What a transition! I don't know how we can possibly solve all this. I only know we should take one step at a time. It shouldn't be so hard, though. If we would survive in bare wilderness, we would already be there, together! Well, we love nature and freedom, but that seems a little too much of a good thing.

Thank you for reading my story.
Any tips are welcome and much appreciated, but be a little gentle please...

[silvermoonfairy3]

Well, one of the main things is that starting businesses have different regulations in different countries. You should look into the legalities of your proposed business in any country before you make that decision. If you're thinking moving to Italy, check Italy's requirements and restrictions on starting a business.

That said, and I apologize if I'm taking this wrong, it sounds a little bit like you and your partner just don't want to work very much. That's fine, but if that's the case, starting a business is almost decidedly NOT the way to go.

Having freelanced myself (in writing, and in baking) and living with a gainfully-employed artist, I can say that I worked much, much longer hours with more stress as a freelancer than I do in my current 9-5. Of course, as you get settled into something like freelancing, it theoretically gets a bit easier, and I agree that 9-5 isn't always particularly appealing. But there's a lot of work to be done to make any kind of lifestyle, even a simple one, with those "off the beaten path" ventures.

Which is not to say you shouldn't do it, or that you're doomed to be poor forever or something if you don't follow the "normal" routes. But it also sounds like you don't quite know what you even want to do, nor how much money you guys actually need to live the kind of lifestyle you want.

I would say that you need to do a lot more concrete research and planning. How much money are you likely to need, and how are you going to get it, in the sense of, what jobs *do* you want to do, and are those jobs doable in the country you plan to live in.

You mentioned growing a lot of your own food, which is definitely a way to cut down on some costs, and growing food for 2 people isn't a crazy undertaking. In college, my four roommates and I had a pretty small vegetable garden and it provided plenty of vegetables for all of us, though we supplemented with meats and cheeses and other things that we wanted to still eat. But, like other things, it also does take some time and attention, more so than going to a store and buying the food. (Though it likely tastes way better, too!)

Your profile says you're 20.. have you lived on your own before ever? Has your partner?

Will you have student loans, and other expenses that you can't really "cut down" on? Will you be going into this with a savings cushion of some kind? What will you do if working freelance or non-traditional jobs doesn't get you guys enough money? Have you discussed if your SO would go to work at a "regular" job since he has the more in-demand degree? Is he okay with that thought, or it be likely to cause some resentment that the two of you both didn't want a 9-5 and then he had to take one to support you guys?

etc. etc. etc.

I guess, first question - what do you actually want to do for money? You mentioned cooking. Is it that?

[differentcountries]

It seems to me like you are torn between having an exiting, fulltime, money-earning self-employed job that will give you an easy life economically and perhaps also some "cred" in whatever circles you have in terms of being the right kind of lifestyle - AND the other kind of life where you actually don't have much of a money-earning job, just somewhere to live, a place to grow food or exchange services, don't own much but are happy and that's it. There is this Norwegian couple who is famous because they just travel with their baby, eat fruit from trees and exchange services/get to stay with sympathetic people. They do have a bit of savings from previous work, and sometimes do lectures and stuff to earn cash, but they basically own nothing they can't carry - a bit of gipsy lifestyle. Also, there is this German woman who gave away everything she owned and started a movement where people use as little money as possable, instead they swap goods or services, like she would sweep the floors of a shop and then they gave her some vegetables, she slept in someone's house and gave her a meditation class, someone gave her a sweater and so on.

Basically, if you want to live close to nature, and don't do any structured work, you will be poor by most people's standards. If you are inventive, you might find a way were you can support yourself while also doing something "green" but that will probably be more, not less, work (though you might like it more). Also, there is the possability that he "lives through you", basically supporting whatever experimental approces you might find, while hating his job he can feel he is making a contribution while supporting your aspirations (a friend of mine did something similar - she did something artsy for a couple of years while he made the bucks. He still talks about his job as though it rapes him, but he is very proud of HER ).

[squeeker]

Both my partner and I have the desire to grow our own food as well, and ideally we will one day live as self sustainable as possible. Although it's going to take a LOT of money to get to where we want.. which is why we both had to go back to university. Although university has not improved our financial situation at the moment, it will help set us up with the education to do what we want to do for our future, so it's good long term. Before university I had a mere part time job that I hated which allowed me to earn a bit of cash and book off time to visit with my boyfriend but not enough to save up. Now that we are enrolled at university, we can see a potential to earn enough for the lifestyle we wish to live. We want to be able to live without having to struggle for money or be so dependent on each paycheque, and also to help out our family. But it's going to take a few more years yet, so in total when we close the distance it will have been about 10 years in a long distance relationship before we permanently are able to close the distance, and hopefully not much more than that and ideally less than that.

I'm with you that it does suck how much everything in this world costs money.. and to be able to get to a place of self sufficiency you must invest money in, usually...

A few things you could slowly start doing now.. one is maybe pick the ideal place to live, you said Italy because of his education and things, then maybe you guys could save up to buy a piece of land there and slowly add to it, piece by piece.. I had a bit of extra money recently that I was able to help my boyfriend and his dad build a poly tunnel on their allotment and a lot has had to be invested into it, but the end result will be an abundance.. it's already had a few really nice harvests, lots of strawberries and lots of giant sugar snap peas. The other thing you can do is watch youtube videos and look up articles on how to be self sufficient. It's going to take time.. do you best to try and find a source of income because you will likely have to spend money to get what you want.. unless you are really lucky and can find everything you need for free or something. But while you are waiting, you can do the research and learn the skills you will need.

Good luck and stay strong, even if it takes awhile.. and keep trying to skype/communicate as often as possible to keep in contact with each other and how you both are doing. Don't give up. If you want to be together you can find a way, but it will likely take a bit of work, if not a LOT of work. Oh and we both have also looked at self employment in the future but that will depend on what ideas we find and whether or not we are able to make a business out of them..

[TwoWingedSpirit]

Well, one of the main things is that starting businesses have different regulations in different countries. You should look into the legalities of your proposed business in any country before you make that decision. If you're thinking moving to Italy, check Italy's requirements and restrictions on starting a business.

That said, and I apologize if I'm taking this wrong, it sounds a little bit like you and your partner just don't want to work very much. That's fine, but if that's the case, starting a business is almost decidedly NOT the way to go.

Having freelanced myself (in writing, and in baking) and living with a gainfully-employed artist, I can say that I worked much, much longer hours with more stress as a freelancer than I do in my current 9-5. Of course, as you get settled into something like freelancing, it theoretically gets a bit easier, and I agree that 9-5 isn't always particularly appealing. But there's a lot of work to be done to make any kind of lifestyle, even a simple one, with those "off the beaten path" ventures.

Which is not to say you shouldn't do it, or that you're doomed to be poor forever or something if you don't follow the "normal" routes. But it also sounds like you don't quite know what you even want to do, nor how much money you guys actually need to live the kind of lifestyle you want.

I would say that you need to do a lot more concrete research and planning. How much money are you likely to need, and how are you going to get it, in the sense of, what jobs *do* you want to do, and are those jobs doable in the country you plan to live in.

You mentioned growing a lot of your own food, which is definitely a way to cut down on some costs, and growing food for 2 people isn't a crazy undertaking. In college, my four roommates and I had a pretty small vegetable garden and it provided plenty of vegetables for all of us, though we supplemented with meats and cheeses and other things that we wanted to still eat. But, like other things, it also does take some time and attention, more so than going to a store and buying the food. (Though it likely tastes way better, too!)

Your profile says you're 20.. have you lived on your own before ever? Has your partner?

Will you have student loans, and other expenses that you can't really "cut down" on? Will you be going into this with a savings cushion of some kind? What will you do if working freelance or non-traditional jobs doesn't get you guys enough money? Have you discussed if your SO would go to work at a "regular" job since he has the more in-demand degree? Is he okay with that thought, or it be likely to cause some resentment that the two of you both didn't want a 9-5 and then he had to take one to support you guys?

etc. etc. etc.

I guess, first question - what do you actually want to do for money? You mentioned cooking. Is it that?

I see what you mean; the way I described everything makes it seem as if we feel resistance to work, even if we would work for our own business. As for my SO, I have indeed been thinking that starting a business might not be so easy after all... Because an ambitious attitude is a necessity. He would need to work only harder to promote himself, will he have enough fun working that way? Well... My intuition tells me there's still more to overcome for him, if that makes sense (which I don't mean to say in a negative way). It certainly takes a lot of work and probably even more persistance.
As for my own business thoughts, I definitely consider working hard and it's not like I'm going to slack. When I feel positive about a goal, I become very devoted. It's just that I don't have an absolute clue about what to offer. I'm quite perfectionistic and don't want to do it without sufficient expertise. Only when I get an idea that's concrete enough, I can take action steps. As you said, the country difference makes everything more complicated; it's like you need to double-check.

My SO (24) has lovely future visions, but he isn't usually focused on the strategical side, while I ponder a lot about how we could realize it; I'm looking for methods and strive for decisions. Otherwise it's never going to happen. It's probably going a lot slower because neither of us has settled yet. He's not currently in a situation to provide things for me, even if I would come over to him. Usual for emigration is that one of the two in a couple (the one who's at the place of destination) has already 'made it' (e.g. finances, housing). But that's not our case, and I know he'll need my guidance... That's just his sensitivity. Yes, he's a real man, he is capable of being independent and execution, but his past wasn't easy either. He has difficulty with autonomy and bringing independency into practice. So I feel he needs more integrity to make such a big step in life. It might seem like I want to move out more than him, but that isn't true. He emphasizes how much he wants it, but he also needs me to lean against. Together we can do it, but I'll probably be the one who is more initiative.
Anyway, that makes the emigration part more of a hard deal. If it's me going to him, I become naturally dependent (at first), so I'll need some resolution coming from his side.

I have done some research about basic things, like types of homes, food (what you can grow / do yourself and what not), but the financial aspect still feels like a big surprise (e.g. hidden costs). Outcomes are irregular. It's like I can't find exactly what I need to find, or maybe it's just that everything clutters in my head.
(By the way, growing a part of our food by ourselves wasn't only an idea to cut costs, but also an idea for a nice, wholesome hobby.)

Cooking was one example of something I've thought of, but it feels different when I realize that Italy (if we'd go there) has about the best cuisine in the world with traditions that have been around for centuries. Italians are proud of that.
Something else that appeals to me is design in general, or doing something related to environmental sustainability. Like alternative (recycled) products (could be anything that people use, e.g. home stuff). Somehow I keep waiting for the 'perfect' idea (which is probably an illusion) and in the meantime, I don't take risks.

Hmm, I'm not sure whether my partner would actually apply for a regular job. I wouldn't want to give him the impression of 'pushing', so we don't usually talk about it. I know that he sometimes thinks about doing that for real, but he's dubious. I guess time will tell. At least, I know that if he would really do it, he wouldn't do it with resentment. And well, if he doesn't, it would never make me love him any less.

Yes, I have lived on myself before, three months abroad. I really liked the independence I had in daily life, but I urgently wanted to go back because of a dreadful social experience. The reason to move out was a tremendous mistake, but I learned a lot! And it's so useful now. Oh, how naive I was... Fortunately I'm now in good hands. My partner hasn't lived on himself yet.

[Moon]

I'll be rather blunt here, your ideals are not going to make you a living. Your chances of ever owning an operating a successful business in a foreign land are slim to none without any business education backing you up. Running a business involves much more than feeling like you can do it, or just by common sense. You need to know so, so much more than that to have any chance of making it, you need to be thoroughly educated in foreign taxes, EBITA, accounting, insurance, business law, contracts, debt collection, properly drafting business plans, marketing, and a whole bunch of etc. You can't guess at this stuff, you need to take some business courses at the very least, or you will fail miserably and in a ton of debt.

It's all well and good that you don't think you can hold down a real job, but you have to figure out how to realistically support yourself. It's nice to have ideals, but oftentimes they don't pay the bills, and once you're out of your 20's, that Bohemian, hippy kinda lifestyle gets old fast, especially when you can't keep the bill collectors at bay and your whole foods turn into ramen noodles.

If you really want to start a business, start out by knowing what you're getting into, and use this time apart to get educated on the matter, even if it's just taking courses online. You will just have to be patient about closing the distance until you're done, or you most definitely will have to take a regular job.

[nottheprincesspeach]

I'll be rather blunt here, your ideals are not going to make you a living. Your chances of ever owning an operating a successful business in a foreign land are slim to none without any business education backing you up. Running a business involves much more than feeling like you can do it, or just by common sense. You need to know so, so much more than that to have any chance of making it, you need to be thoroughly educated in foreign taxes, EBITA, accounting, insurance, business law, contracts, debt collection, properly drafting business plans, marketing, and a whole bunch of etc. You can't guess at this stuff, you need to take some business courses at the very least, or you will fail miserably and in a ton of debt.

It's all well and good that you don't think you can hold down a real job, but you have to figure out how to realistically support yourself. It's nice to have ideals, but oftentimes they don't pay the bills, and once you're out of your 20's, that Bohemian, hippy kinda lifestyle gets old fast, especially when you can't keep the bill collectors at bay and your whole foods turn into ramen noodles.

If you really want to start a business, start out by knowing what you're getting into, and use this time apart to get educated on the matter, even if it's just taking courses online. You will just have to be patient about closing the distance until you're done, or you most definitely will have to take a regular job.

I don't know about the "in a foreign land bit", but I disagree with needing an education. You can learn pretty much anything, even without college. While wanting it isn't enough, she could work for it and make it happen. My dad has started, built, and sold many businesses with no college. A couple have failed of course, but he currently owns three successful businesses. One he is priming for sale. I don't agree that she needs to take courses. College doesn't always teach you what she needs to know. She could read books, talk to people who have started business, get experience from other plans. Taking a regular job while doing this isn't a bad idea.

[Moon]

I don't know about the "in a foreign land bit", but I disagree with needing an education. You can learn pretty much anything, even without college. While wanting it isn't enough, she could work for it and make it happen. My dad has started, built, and sold many businesses with no college. A couple have failed of course, but he currently owns three successful businesses. One he is priming for sale. I don't agree that she needs to take courses. College doesn't always teach you what she needs to know. She could read books, talk to people who have started business, get experience from other plans. Taking a regular job while doing this isn't a bad idea.

If you don't agree that taking some business courses before trying to open a business is a good idea, then I don't even know how to respond to that.

[nottheprincesspeach]

If you don't agree that taking some business courses before trying to open a business is a good idea, then I don't even know how to respond to that.

I'm not saying it wouldn't help, but what I'm saying is it isn't the only way. Americans have this idea that college is the only way to do anything so we end up in debt with a degree that now a days may be worthless. Some of the best education I have gotten has been everything I've gained while not in my classes, while doing the stuff other than the classes. I'm saying if she doesn't want to go to school, it isn't the only way. I was offering another point of view. I understand if you disagree. She could learn a lot from talking to and learning from and working for people who have started businesses. She could learn from reading, lots of reading. I'm saying there are always other ways. I was simply offering another option. I do however agree with you it's not something she is just going to be able to do because she wants to.

[silvermoonfairy3]

[QUOTE=nottheprincesspeach;353251]I'm saying if she doesn't want to go to school, it isn't the only way.quote]

I agree that college isn't the only way to do things.
That said, the OP mentioned being in college (distance learning) for her bachelor's now, so I don't think she's against formal schooling.

[rhabdoviridae]

I don't see you and your SO being able to realize your dream of living off the land without at least one of you holding down a "regular" job of at least some duration. The costs of moving, buying a new place, settling in together, utilities, supplies for self-sufficiency (not to mention skills needed for anything other than just putting a plant in the ground), maintenance of your property, etc...there's just not a way you can support all of that without some source of steady income. That's not to say you can never realize that dream, but I'm of the opinion that you make a sacrifice (working a traditional job) so that you can have the lifestyle you want. It may take a few years to build up to the point where you can start that life. Starting your own business seems way too risky a venture with so little education (regardless of the n=1 anecdotes that are surely out there) and no cushion to fall back on. Perhaps when you've finessed a marketable skill, you can reconsider that path.

Maybe instead of focusing on the "rat race" the majority of the population is engaged in, focus on bringing in an income to support your more laid-back lifestyle; you aren't working "for the man", you're working for yourself, your ideal lifestyle and ultimately your happiness.

[Moon]

I'm not saying it wouldn't help, but what I'm saying is it isn't the only way. Americans have this idea that college is the only way to do anything so we end up in debt with a degree that now a days may be worthless. Some of the best education I have gotten has been everything I've gained while not in my classes, while doing the stuff other than the classes. I'm saying if she doesn't want to go to school, it isn't the only way. I was offering another point of view. I understand if you disagree. She could learn a lot from talking to and learning from and working for people who have started businesses. She could learn from reading, lots of reading. I'm saying there are always other ways. I was simply offering another option. I do however agree with you it's not something she is just going to be able to do because she wants to.

[QUOTE=silvermoonfairy3;353254]

I'm saying if she doesn't want to go to school, it isn't the only way.quote]

I agree that college isn't the only way to do things.
That said, the OP mentioned being in college (distance learning) for her bachelor's now, so I don't think she's against formal schooling.

For the record, I don't have a degree, I'm the last person who thinks you must have a degree to do anything in life, I've managed pretty well for myself. I was only actually suggesting she take some business courses anyway, especially with the tremendous failure rate of small businesses, especially since her competition very well may have that and therefore be at a huge advantage. Also, since she's in the EU, with it's subsidized education, she won't rack up near the debt a US student would, it wouldn't amount to much at all. Opening a business these days is no joke, especially when trying to do it in another country.

[silvermoonfairy3]

[QUOTE=Moon;353256]

For the record, I don't have a degree, I'm the last person who thinks you must have a degree to do anything in life, I've managed pretty well for myself. I was only actually suggesting she take some business courses anyway, especially with the tremendous failure rate of small businesses, especially since her competition very well may have that and therefore be at a huge advantage. Also, since she's in the EU, with it's subsidized education, she won't rack up near the debt a US student would, it wouldn't amount to much at all. Opening a business these days is no joke, especially when trying to do it in another country.

Oh, I agree completely, taking some business courses would definitely be beneficial. I think the OP also just needs to get some idea first of what the business would even be.

[silvermoonfairy3]

I agree with rhabdoviridae overall.

In particular:

Maybe instead of focusing on the "rat race" the majority of the population is engaged in, focus on bringing in an income to support your more laid-back lifestyle; you aren't working "for the man", you're working for yourself, your ideal lifestyle and ultimately your happiness.

I agree.. it's much easier to work a job that might be less-than-ideal when you know it's toward a specific end. Also, I think a lot of it is in perception. When people start to think of it as the "rat race" it brings up all these negative associations. It doesn't HAVE to be like that, especially if it's a temporary thing until you're able to create the life you want.

"Rat race" seems to be this soul-sucking, constant toiling for little/no reward, in a very competitive environment, that isn't fun at all, doing boring desk work, etc. There are many jobs that provide steady money that aren't like that, at all.

These are just anecdotal, but some examples of "traditional" jobs with set hours and set pay that the people in them love and have fun with:
- A girl I know who works 9 -5 as the administrative assistant for a tattoo shop.. she does do things like scheduling appointments and general things like filing, but she also gets to assist with artwork creation, maintaining the social media/photo gallery of finished work, etc.
- A buddy of mine from college, 9-5 as a park ranger for a national park site.
- Good friend of mine is a first-shift paramedic (though he had to start out as a night shift paramedic to get the good first-shift hours.)
- My trapeze teacher, who does lessons at a few different studios to piece together a full-time income from part-time jobs.

None of which required college degrees; various certifications or classes were necessary, of course. But there are lots of ways to have regular, steady income jobs that aren't 'soul-sucking.'

Ultimately, I want a part-time job that allows me to be home more (for cooking and such, as well) and opens up my schedule a bit for travel. But I can't do that until I'm in a better financial position. So currently I have a 9-5 in the art supply industry doing marketing, which is my 'real job' while I make money to eventually have a slightly less "traditional" job. I want to be able work from home more, or freelance from a variety of locations so I can travel more and have more 'freedom.'

My 9-5 isn't what I want to do long-term, but it's fine for the time being, especially knowing that it's a means to and end. And sometimes it's actually quite fun.

I think you're correct that a 'traditional' job is likely to be needed at the beginning.

[Malaga]

You say you have a lot of willpower, but it sounds like you've thrown in the towel already. The problem is, while you know what you're drawn to, it sounds like you don't have the confidence or the motivation to really make an effort and decide and go for it. Your partner sounds very similar which is a complicated combination because you don't have that push-pull effect that moves you forward... you both dwell in your comfort zones.

When your circumstances don't let you make a decision, then you must change your circumstances. What seems impossible or unlikely now may only seem that way because you don't know enough about it. You are so young and it's only normal that you're still indecisive about who you are and what you want to do. That's exactly why people your age should go to school, because it gives you the platform for searching and finding yourself. When you try to skip this step is when you're faced with too many "what ifs" that you don't know the answer to and it freezes you in your tracks. Because so many of those "what ifs" can only get resolved while you're at it doing it.

Building a life in your home country and then having to make the cut and start all over in a foreign one is a reality for most international couples. You have the luxury of you both living in the EU so you don't have to face work restrictions that come with 'proper' immigration - you have the freedom to try what you like, at your own pace. Of course you have to prepare for your new life. But you're too perplexed with the thought of having to make the cut eventually, that you don't think anything is worth starting anyhow. It's a nice excuse not to risk anything with making a decision.

Build a successful cooking business, then sell it and start a new one in Italy. Build a successful cooking business, then hire someone to run it for you while you move to Italy and live off profits. Build a successful cooking business, then sell it and use the money to buy a plot of land in Italy and grow your own veg. So many possible scenarios in which you get what you want. But you need skills and motivation, and the best way to get that is through training and education.