Not sure what to do :(

[kittyo9]

Totally with Snow on this. His attitude is incomprehensibly unreasonable. You getting an internship "changed everything" for him? What's he going to do when you get a full-time permanent job?

You guys still have 4 hours a day of talking?? I was under the impression the internship cut it to almost nothing. Wow. Okay.

From the snippet of conversation you posted, it confirms my belief that he's sulking and trying to make you feel guilty to give in. It's very controlling. I think you're unfortunately right about how it might be time to give up when the serious discussions aren't yielding anything productive.

You can of course decide how you want to proceed from here, but if it were me, I'd probably say something like I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm making every possible accommodation I can, and this can't be a one-way street. If there's honestly no way you can be okay with my internship for my future, I don't think this will work. I need a guy who isn't threatened by me having a career, and can support my goals. And then I'd leave things for a few days, let him think it over, and maybe prepare mentally for a breakup in case he doesn't come around.

This sucks, I'm sorry you're dealing with it. But at the same time, maybe some weird silver lining, it's better to find out he's like this now, than further along. This probably isn't the kind of unsupportive, controlling guy you want for your future.

I'm in full agreement with the above. silvermoonfairy3 has some great advice, especially about what to say to him.

I was basically going "wtf" through most of this. What does he think is going to happen when you both get older and have full-time jobs?! I understand the disappointment in not being able to veg around during summer with you, but he's being so effing selfish and childish! Absolutely do not give up this internship-- you have made it very clear that this is exactly the thing you want and exactly the thing you need. A truly supportive SO would be elated that you were on your path to success in your field. This is not something you should compromise for your SO.

Also... what is he doing this summer? Nothing? And he won't change his sleep schedule at all for you?? I know that sometimes it is difficult to sit at home doing nothing while your SO is away at work or with friends or something, but if it were that easy for me to spend more time with my SO, I would absolutely do it in a heartbeat.

[differentcountries]

You are talking about facts. He talks about feelings. For some reason, he feels that you have mistreated him. Either there is some serious misunderstanding here (it sometimes happens), or he is used to have it spoon fed and the food supply should just end. I thought my SO was very unreasonable before our first visit (though I was the drama queen in our case...) But during the following fight we learned that there was a piece of information that had slipped, which we both sort of based our assumptions on.

I think it would be weird to call your guy controlling, it just does not make sense to me what he does. But there is something going on here, and the issue is not just your internship (which of course you should take), but your style of communication and ways of resolving a conflict.

[silvermoonfairy3]

He's throwing his toys out of the pram because you won't quit your job for him. But even if you do quit it, you're always going to resent him for it.

Plus, it'll establish that it "works" to behave like that.. that if he throws a fit, he'll get his way. And then it would just be that much harder to stop it in the future if there are things he disagrees with again.

[silvermoonfairy3]

I think it would be weird to call your guy controlling,

Manipulating someone by trying to make them feel guilty is absolutely controlling.

[differentcountries]

Manipulating someone by trying to make them feel guilty is absolutely controlling.

It may be that he tries to be, but it does not work as manipulation or control because he is too blunt.

[silvermoonfairy3]

It may be that he tries to be, but it does not work as manipulation or control because he is too blunt.

Manipulation and control don't have to be subtle.. they can be blunt behaviors.

If the OP gave up her internship, she'd be giving in to his manipulation and it would "work" as he wanted.

[Moon]

It may be that he tries to be, but it does not work as manipulation or control because he is too blunt.

He's showing completely controlling behavior, his blunt manner has nothing to do with it at all. I honestly do not understand how you can't see this. He's showing classic characteristics of being controlling.

[snow]

But there is something going on here, and the issue is not just your internship (which of course you should take), but your style of communication and ways of resolving a conflict.

I think it's not so much the style of communication and resolving a conflict, but the fact that he just wants what he wants without compromising. She can say what she wants, he has his mind made up. The compromise for her is to give him all the time she has left, but to him that is not enough, she should not do what would make her happy and only do what makes him happy. He can feel the way he does, but it doesn't change the fact that he is jeopardizing the whole relationship, because she doesn't want to do what he wants her to do - if this isn't manipulative, then I don't know what it is.

See, I can understand him - he is losing out on something he was looking forward to, but he has to be an adult about it and support his SO through something that is important for her, easy as that.
Sometimes you have to take a step back and evaluate your feelings. He is pissed, because he has to cut back to less contact that he wanted to. That sucks, but there is still going to be contact, so instead of seeing the worst in this situation, he should try to focus on the good things - a happy SO (YAY), still a lot of time to chat, talk, see each other on camera, play games and do whatever else he wanted to do. He has to learn to work with what he has, because life is not always going to give you what you want.

Here's an example:
My man and I have basically lots of time to talk, as I explained in a different topic and he recently (about 2 months ago) started writing a novel. So from the couple of hours that we had to talk, he is taking most of it to write and the rest of it, about an hour or two before bed, we spend together. I could feel lonely and sad that he is busy and can't do things with me, but I am not. This is important to him and I support him through it. I give him the time and space he needs to write and wait patiently until he is done writing for the day, so we can spend some time together. I would never tell him not to do what his passion is just because I want more time with him.
Sometimes you gotta take what you get and for me right now it is 2 hours before bed, undevided attention where we hang out, talk and play games occasionally. He needs to man up and be a supportive SO.

[DeathCab]

I just broke up with him. The last straw was something unrelated to what I've said in this entire thread.

I have zero tolerance for illegal drugs of any sort and made it CRYSTAL CLEAR to him that I will never be with someone who does drugs. When we started dating (before he asked me out officially), he promised me he'll never do any drugs. He said he needs something physical he can have with him to remind him not to do drugs when his friends offer them to him, so I got him an external portable charger that he can bring around with him to use.

He broke the promise anyway. I forgave him and he renewed the promise to me.

A week and a half ago, I started working on a bracelet for him every single night after I came home from work and on weekends. Just finished making it yesterday night and was going to mail it to him soon. But an hour ago, I found out he smoked again with his friends.

To date, he has renewed and broke the promise three times. The very last promise was him swearing ON OUR RELATIONSHIP that he wouldn't do any drug anymore.

All I feel now is anger, but it probably won't take long for the sadness and tears to come. I don't think I want anything to do with him anymore. I don't need a guy who makes empty promises over and over again.

Sorry for the lengthy rant. I just need to get this off of me.

Tl;dr: We're over.

[silvermoonfairy3]

That really sucks that he repeatedly goes back on promises. But honestly, between that and the controlling behavior with the internship stuff, I really do think you're better off in the long run. I know that doesn't make it "easier" but it's something that helps to try to remember sometimes when you struggle and get sad.
Good luck!

[Miasmata]

It's good that you made a decision that's best for you. Making the right choice can really hurt a lot, but you can be proud that you went through with it and did what's right for your wellbeing. Really sad to hear it didn't work out, but I agree, from what you posted I believe this is for the better. I wish you all the best for the future!

[TwoThree]

DeathCab, kudos to you for being principled and sticking to those principles.

Break-up suck, they all do, but I am absolutely convinced that you have made the right decision and in the long run you're going to be very happy with someone who respects you.

Stay strong

[rhabdoviridae]

Sorry death cab, but I don't see how you can maintain this relationship with him completely unyielding attitude. You can watch movies and tv together from a distance...not the same of course but much easier to manage than going to a historical site or picnic or something. Sheesh.

[differentcountries]

I am so sorry things ended this way... Good for you that you stay strong on the drugs issue, I completely see where you are coming from and that things are not changing for the better for you guys, so it is better to end it. I am sure in the end the decition will settle, an in time you will find someone better. Good luck!