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Help with mom!

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    Help with mom!

    I have been with my SO for about two and a half years and we are planning on me moving next spring. It was supposed to be this summer but life got in the way. My mom is becoming less and less supportive of our relationship and I don't know what to do about it. I would really appreciate any advice or stories about parents coming around so that I can talk to my mom in a more productive way!

    #2
    I've been with my SO for a lot less than you've been with yours. But at the start of both the relationships I have had, my mum has hated my boyfriends. My first boyfriend died last September and after seeing how strong I was afterwards, she realised that I'm an adult and quite capable of making decisions.
    This time around she as given her two cents about me being in an LDR but she is much more receptive to it when I assure it's what I'm going to do. So her and my Dad have backed off because they know I am going to do it anyway and they don't want to loose me (their words).

    I think you need to let your mum know that it is what you want to do with your life. Maybe you should ask her why she is being less supportive of your relationship because she must have a reason.
    So I think you just need to stick to your guns and be strong. I hope it all goes well.
    Flying out to meet him for the first time: 16th November 2014 - 14th December 2014
    Flying out to meet him for the second time: 3rd June 2015 -18th July 2015
    Flying out to meet him for the third time: 12th December 2016 - 12th January 2017
    His first flight to me: April 2018 DENIED ENTRY
    Flying out to meet him for the fourth time: 23rd June 2018 - 7th July 2018
    Got Engaged: 12th December 2016
    Married: June 29th 2018
    Hoping to close the distance: 2019/2020

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      #3
      If you are planning on moving to him, then your mom is probably especially worried about losing her baby, even though you aren't a baby any more. I think like bubblehits said, sorta try and reassure her that you are an adult and capable of making your own decisions.. maybe try and plan how often you will be able to visit her and how you will keep in touch with her when you are away. I think that sometimes parents have trouble letting go of their children.. she's probably getting anxious as she is seeing you make more and more plans.. just try and keep reassuring her that you aren't going to just disappear, maybe include her in some of the planning and help her see that you are thinking a lot on this and are not going to make any rash decisions. Just good luck and try and be calm through it. I'm sure she loves you and wants to see you happy so try and show how being with your SO will make you happy.

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        #4
        I agree with what the two ladies above me said.^ She's probably just anxious about losing you (moms hate losing their babies), but just be assertive with her and let her know that you are very serious about your relationship and this is what you want to do. My mom isn't fond of my long distance relationship, she's always said she wishes I would date someone close to home. But I've let her know numerous times that this is what I want, and she's started to back off. Good luck (:

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          #5
          My advice would be to ask her what's going on and LISTEN if she has any worries connected with your LDR. Sometimes parents see more than us. (though quite often they see their child's relatinship through the glasses of their own experience)

          After year and a half I've been in my relationship my mum is slowly coming to terms that I am in relationship with someone from another country. Especialy considering she doesn't speak english and she can't really talk with Adam. It took over a year though with me constantly assuring her that's what I want, making plans, keeping me decisions steady and making wise decisions. It was bad to the pont where I was afraid she won't accept my kids from this relationship when they come.

          Right now she is supportive in her own way. (And my adam makes effort to learn some polish so that he can communicate with my parents too, seems to be working great for my dad )
          “We're all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love.”
          ― Robert Fulghum, True Love

          Met UK 3.08.2012-5.08.12 ->UK 1.12.12-3.12.12->PL 8.02.13-16.02.13->PL 1.06.13-9.06.13->UK 3.08.13-17.08.13->UK 26.10.2013-02.11.2013->PL 30.11.2013-08.12.2013->PL 22.03.2014-29.03.2014->UK 31.05.2014-07.06.2014->PL 06.09.2014-13.09.13->UK 20.12.2014-03.01.2015
          Closed the distance >21.03.2015
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