My first LDR

[Iaria]

Hello everyone

I'm Iaria, but you can call me Ia

I've been in a relationship for a week today. Not as long as man of you, but I've really been wanting to connect with other girls(and guys) who are doing this with me.

We met via an MMO about two weeks ago, we were in the same guild and he was looking for a "couple" (in game dating) just for stat boosts. (when you play with your "couple" you get 10% stat gain boost)
Over the next week we played a lot together, and eventually had a skype voice chat when we couldn't type and play at the same time. As we got to know each other we both had this feeling of "we've got to tell someone about each other; we're too happy to keep this to ourselves", and we were trying to decide on what to call it so we just kinda concluded that we were bf/gf and went from there


He is in Mexico while I'm in the US. He's 2 years younger than me and is a student while I'm employed.
We bonded mostly over mutual interest in art and entertainment, personal beliefs, and similar backgrounds.

Wednesday night our relationship took an unexpected leap of faith(?) when my mother found out.
She had called while I was on a video chat, and made a comment saying that I sounded happier than I've been the past few times I've called. So I decided to take a chance and put her on speaker and explain to her why that was.

of course, the first things out of her mouth are:
1) DON'T GO TO MEXICO
2) is he a christian (no, but I'm not either :/ - something I'll one day figure out how to explain to them)

and then for the next day continued to send me news stories and statistics about kidnappings and crime.
I have a relative who was in a relationship with a man from mexico, got pregnant, got married and now they're getting divorced and he's being deported. He was previously involved(?) with a crime in his home town (victim) and is telling his (ex) wife and daughter that the must NEVER come to mexico.

Soo... it's an interesting stress to put on my own relationship.
She's fine with the relationship, it's not like she things my bf is drug cartel or anything, she's just concerned with my going to visit - if/when I do.

So that explains my biggest reason for joining the forum. I don't expect my mother will be the only person to be worried about my ties to mexico... But I plan to take it one step at a time.
It's only a week, it's still carefree, getting to know each other, puppy love. So I'm focusing on that rather than big pictures right now. <3

[Lilly9886]

Hello!

Where in Mexico does he live?
My bf lives in the North (border city) and I never felt in danger when I was there... but the thing is you hear a lot of horror stories...

[kittyo9]

Hahaha, your mom sounds a lot like mine. When I told her I was going to see my SO (who I also met on an MMO!), she told me repeatedly that she didn't want me to go to Peru and it wasn't safe, etc., etc. After about a year and a half I said screw it and I booked my tickets anyway. It's tough to deal with that kind of pressure, especially when you are used to doing everything they ask, but you are an adult and you can certainly make your own decisions! Sometimes you have to do what you know is best for you.

Just make sure you do your research, you know? You can easily verify his information by cross-referencing things like his school and any public events he's participated in. If you do decide to go to Mexico, look up the area you'll be staying in beforehand and, if possible, have a friend or family member that you can call or go stay with in an emergency. If not, just make sure you have a back-up plan in case things go sour. This is all way down the line, of course. For now, just enjoy it and enjoy getting to know each other!

[Unconditional]

Welcome to LFAD!
Best wishes with your relationship~*

[merlinkitty]

is he a christian (no, but I'm not either :/ - something I'll one day figure out how to explain to them) ...But I plan to take it one step at a time.
It's only a week, it's still carefree, getting to know each other, puppy love. So I'm focusing on that rather than big pictures right now. <3

My mother knows better than to ask that question anymore lol

I think you've got a good start. Just take it one day at time. We're always here if you need a vent, advice, etc. I live just north of Nogales. You here all kinds of horror stories about Mexico but then most of my friends are Mexican and have family down there. I guess it depends on where you go etc, but like you said, you're not there yet. Take it one step at a time, enjoy the new love, and get to the meeting stage when you get there!

[Iaria]

Hello!

Where in Mexico does he live?
My bf lives in the North (border city) and I never felt in danger when I was there... but the thing is you hear a lot of horror stories...

he's in Zapopan, Jalisco Which appears to be out of the danger zone, and he's clearly explained to me the social divisions in mexico and how, just like in the US, there are areas you don't want to go, and that he lives nowhere near them.
My personal concern isn't so much being with him, it's the trek getting there, if/when. I would most likely travel by myself, land in Guadalajara and then we'd have to travel back to the safety of his home town - mostly it's the being alone in the airport and the traveling back to his home that would make me uncomfortable.

But! It makes more sense for him to visit me here, anyway. Before we even started going in the direction of a relationship, he'd said that he's wanting to get a job in the US, that the best jobs for his profession are here (another my mother is worried :/ he could be using me for citizenship) so it would make more sense for him to visit here and experience America before he signs his life away and potentially lives here.

Now all of that is way far off future. We really have no serious plans of meeting in the near future. I guess I dream of flying him here during winter months so he could see snow :3 but that's just a silly dream. Right now I'm more focused on getting to know him, his hopes and dreams, and being the good support I could have used when I was a student.

[Iaria]

Hahaha, your mom sounds a lot like mine. When I told her I was going to see my SO (who I also met on an MMO!), she told me repeatedly that she didn't want me to go to Peru and it wasn't safe, etc., etc. After about a year and a half I said screw it and I booked my tickets anyway. It's tough to deal with that kind of pressure, especially when you are used to doing everything they ask, but you are an adult and you can certainly make your own decisions! Sometimes you have to do what you know is best for you.

Just make sure you do your research, you know? You can easily verify his information by cross-referencing things like his school and any public events he's participated in. If you do decide to go to Mexico, look up the area you'll be staying in beforehand and, if possible, have a friend or family member that you can call or go stay with in an emergency. If not, just make sure you have a back-up plan in case things go sour. This is all way down the line, of course. For now, just enjoy it and enjoy getting to know each other!

His Facebook is completely littered with photos from friends and events at school, I have his schedule, school id, and even a certificate of a certification he completed :3
He's not shy to share any detail I ask for.
One of the reasons I fell in love with him is that our first "out of game" conversation he just asked me "I really want to get to know you out of game, is that ok?" when I said yes and he immediately started telling me about himself.
He really doesn't expect to be given, in return, anything he hasn't given himself <3
Like instead of asking me about my past relationships, he just started talking about his, which made it very easy for me to open up about mine and not feel like I was being pried at for information <3 And a lot of our conversations go like that.

[merlinkitty]

Like instead of asking me about my past relationships, he just started talking about his, which made it very easy for me to open up about mine and not feel like I was being pried at for information <3 And a lot of our conversations go like that.

<3!! I love that he realizes you weren't born the day you met him

There's lots of things that shape us. Exs are part of that. Mine told me one time, when I felt like I'd mentioned my ex too much, that he said he always wanted me to feel like I could tell him anything. Even the ex stuff, because he said he would argue that my ex is still teaching me things My ex was really abusive and it's taken some time to heal But, being so used to negative reactions and told you shouldn't bring them up with a new SO always made me feel like I was burying a piece of me. Being able to be open about anything has been the most comforting feeling I have ever felt.

It's the ability you both have to be so open with each other that is so special. It's something I see missing in many of my friends' relationships and a great cause of their misery

[Iaria]

<3!! I love that he realizes you weren't born the day you met him

There's lots of things that shape us. Exs are part of that. Mine told me one time, when I felt like I'd mentioned my ex too much, that he said he always wanted me to feel like I could tell him anything. Even the ex stuff, because he said he would argue that my ex is still teaching me things My ex was really abusive and it's taken some time to heal But, being so used to negative reactions and told you shouldn't bring them up with a new SO always made me feel like I was burying a piece of me. Being able to be open about anything has been the most comforting feeling I have ever felt.

It's the ability you both have to be so open with each other that is so special. It's something I see missing in many of my friends' relationships and a great cause of their misery

*hug* my ex was abusive too. So it was over several days that I opened up about him. but my SO was patient with me, and continues to be. I haven't been in a relationship in a VERY long time, because I'm overly cautious and CONSTANTLY afraid of being lied to, used, treated as something disposable. And he's the first person to not respond with "get over it" he just says that he'll just wait, that we have time <3

[merlinkitty]

*hug* ...And he's the first person to not respond with "get over it" he just says that he'll just wait, that we have time <3

*hugs* back at ya! It gets better, every day I'm sure you know that And having him being his understanding and supportive self has made all the difference in the world

<3

[Moon]

Welcome to the dark side, Iaria

You may want to start doing some research on visiting, it's very easy for you to visit Mexico, but he may have a very difficult time obtaining a visitor's visa into the US (he'll need one). Just something to keep in mind when you're ready to meet each other, and are making plans. Good luck in your new relationship!

[kittyo9]

I'm very glad to see that you're taking great steps to ensure you have a happy and trusting relationship! You guys sound like you're off to an awesome start.

I know this is a long way off, BUT I did want to comment on him visiting you, as you mentioned in one of your posts-- I am certain he will need a visa, and, while it makes a lot of sense for him to come see you first, I am not sure that it would be easier. The US is stupidly selective (and I do mean stupidly) about who they give tourist visas to. Many people have to apply a few times before being accepted (and you have to pay each time, yuck). Just something to keep in mind.

[Iaria]

He already has a travel visa good till 2020 ^___^
(must admit that I just found that out. I knew he'd traveled to the US before, but not if his visa was still valid! So thank you for making me think to ask!)

[standingoutsidethefire]

I've been in a relationship for a week today.

You've only known each other a week and you're already planning on visiting?

[Iaria]

You've only known each other a week and you're already planning on visiting?

In a later post:
"Now all of that is way far off future. We really have no serious plans of meeting in the near future. I guess I dream of flying him here during winter months so he could see snow :3 but that's just a silly dream. Right now I'm more focused on getting to know him, his hopes and dreams, and being the good support I could have used when I was a student."