Some support would be nice right now...

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

I'm a cancer survivor, breast cancer. Decades later, my sister became a victim of it, but she wasn't so lucky...she got hit by it twice. The second time, she died. Either side of it, victim or survivor, it's horrible to face that diagnosis, and it takes time to even comprehend it. I can only imagine how he feels, the fear of possibly facing it again, fearing that it might be worse this time, feeling angry and betrayed by his own body, and feeling like he has to be strong and brave for you. And I know how you feel, too, wanting to help him, but being helpless, especially so far away, hurt by his reactions, and how he is trying to push you away, and both of you angry at the world, at the disease, at the helplessness you both feel, and not knowing what to do to make it better.

Really, all you can do is be there for him, support him any way you can. Give him the time and space he needs, and trust that he will contact you when he can.

Have you read the classic, On Death and Dying, by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross? She was a pioneer in the field of grief counseling. She talks about the 5 stages of grief. Here is a link I found about it, that might help you understand what he might be going through and why he is reacting as he is and trying to push you away.

https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-s...d-grief/000617

With all my heart, I hope it will be good news for both of you, and that you won't have to face the ordeal of cancer, especially for a second time.

[velkoria]

I'm a cancer survivor, breast cancer. Decades later, my sister became a victim of it, but she wasn't so lucky...she got hit by it twice. The second time, she died. Either side of it, victim or survivor, it's horrible to face that diagnosis, and it takes time to even comprehend it. I can only imagine how he feels, the fear of possibly facing it again, fearing that it might be worse this time, feeling angry and betrayed by his own body, and feeling like he has to be strong and brave for you. And I know how you feel, too, wanting to help him, but being helpless, especially so far away, hurt by his reactions, and how he is trying to push you away, and both of you angry at the world, at the disease, at the helplessness you both feel, and not knowing what to do to make it better.

Really, all you can do is be there for him, support him any way you can. Give him the time and space he needs, and trust that he will contact you when he can.

Have you read the classic, On Death and Dying, by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross? She was a pioneer in the field of grief counseling. She talks about the 5 stages of grief. Here is a link I found about it, that might help you understand what he might be going through and why he is reacting as he is and trying to push you away.

https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-s...d-grief/000617

With all my heart, I hope it will be good news for both of you, and that you won't have to face the ordeal of cancer, especially for a second time.

He signed back on and started talking to our group of friends and I acted casual, normal. I had promised him I wouldn't ask him about the appointment and part of me thinks it's wise to honor that promise and give him space to come to me. But of course I am dying inside. I am doing everything I can to avoid anything that could be akin to asking him. Even telling him I love him seems like such a 'hey, what's up' line right now.

I can't handle the thought of losing him. For a while there I actually thought of breaking up with him (not because of the cancer, this was before I knew what was truly going on) and sometimes the thought still popped in my head when I was feeling 'alone' and 'useless to him'. And then today a guy, a super sweet, good looking, total catch of a guy asked me out on a date. I looked at the email and then I felt this intense anger and need to cry. I don't want a date with anyone else. I don't want to BE with anyone else. I want him. With cancer, without, angry, happy, sad... I want him. And I hope he wants me too... that he needs me because I'll be there and I'll be strong for him if he lets me. Till he end, whatever that is.

[Minxy]

Men are strange creatures hun. I have been on the opposite end of what you are going thru. While I do not have cancer I have an incurable condition called hydrocephalus. I have had 3 brain surgeries (one was an emergency) in which I almost died more than once. Right before my first scheduled surgery he was very short with me and not wanting to skype etc. I took it to heart but in reality he was scared to death of losing me and didn't want to add to the pressure and stress I was already dealing with. I have 4 small children and being in a LDR is hard enough on us all. Although we are married and have been for over 2 years now it still gets to me when I don't know whats going on and I have learned to give him space when he needs it even when it's killing me and I have also learned that I need to verbalize my needs as well because he is not here to read body language. Being in a LDR is tough all by itself but add health issues and it's VERY HARD. I say give him a bit of space to deal with it himself before discussing it at the same time let him know you are here for him when he needs it. Follow his cues on whether to discuss it or leave it be sometimes he needs a mental and emotional break from it all and he just needs to relax and spend time with you thinking on other things. It can be a fine line to walk just watch for cues in his body language or texts . Good luck to you both!

[Northernsongs]

That sounds extremely frustrating and horrible to deal with. I can't even imagine what he's been through or is going through. On the other hand, I do know what it's like to have someone not communicating with you. I'm not sure why some people have trouble doing that. If there is any way you can be with him, if it is cancer, I would do it. As long as he lets you be there for him and doesn't shut you out.