Cancer woes p.1

[velkoria]

So... after an agonizing wait I kept to my word to my LD boyfriend and let him come to me about his tests. I was under the impression that he would be getting his RESULTS yesterday but in reality he went in to get his tests (which I am sure was a Bronchoscopy but... I've had a total of 5 hours of sleep in two days so I might be mistaken) and the result will come in later in the week. Last night I had a complete meltdown. I'm talking I went through the whole 5 stages of grief in about 4 hours. Anywhere from anger to depression to acceptance to barganing to back again and all over again. I was scared for him, for us, for everything. I should add I had only slept for a couple of hours (3.5 hours) and my sleep and my anxiety are suuuuper tied together. Thankfully I did all this while talking to my sisters... not to him. At around 3:30 am he texted me a simple 'I love you' and well we did our little ritual of 'I love yous' (we have a sort of tradition when saying it) and he started talking casually to me and I replied as best I could sounding completely casual. Eventually he actually opened up to me (thanks guys... this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't followed your advice) and said he was still feeling low and scared and that he'd feel better "once he had his results back" to which I replied "and everything will be alright" and honestly? I think he needed to hear that. We joked a bit and eventually I told him "you know why itll be alright?" and he answered "because I'm fucking unstoppable?" and I've always called him Superman so I said "because you're fucking Superman" and he seemed to like that. We then started joking around about Leyend of Korra and The Last Airbender until I was finally ready to go to bed at 5:00 am and he said goodnight the way he used to. It felt nice.

So I just wanted to update you guys

[Unconditional]

This would've made a great blog post. ^-^
That being said, this is amazing. It's gotta be nice to have someone like you telling him things like that. I wish I would've had someone like that when I was having troubles last fall. It's gonna be a hard long week until the results finally come in, the anxiety will probably put you into a breakdown (I know it would for me.) When it comes to the hard times, I like to look back at all the good/cute things that kind of put you on cloud nine. It certainly makes me feel better. I wish the best for you two. Please keep us updated as soon as you can, I'd love to hear how things or going. =)

[TwoThree]

^ I think that when it comes to something as serious as scary as a SO's possible very serious illness, it doesn't matter if one posts a thread or a blog post.

Velkoria, I really hope he'll be OK, and I think he needs you to take his mind off it. You should vent to anyone but him, as much as you want, but stay strong for him. Hopefully the results will show that it's a benign thing.

[Unconditional]

[QUOTE:TwoThree;358761]^ I think that when it comes to something as serious as scary as a SO's possible very serious illness, it doesn't matter if one posts a thread or a blog post..[/QUOTE]

I honestly don't mind it being a post because it's so serious, I want saying that to be mean, or harsh. I suppose it could've been taken that way, but I didn't mean it.
I was just saying that because it'd be easier to follow everything.

[differentcountries]

I am glad you got to talk about it. Illness is not an easy thing, and it is great that you have your little humour and inside things to keep you going strong.

[silvermoonfairy3]

It's the worst waiting for medical results and stuff.. good job being casual in a way that let him open up. I'm sure he really needed that, and then being able to joke a little bit about it is definitely a positive thing in the face of big scary stuff.

Also good job on having the freak-out stuff with your sisters and not him. It wouldn't really help him if you'd talked to him about it, but you need to be able to go to *someone*, so it's good you were able to reach out to them. With big stuff like this, there will be ways that you'll need plenty of support, too, to keep you strong and helping support him through his personal struggle. It sounds like you're handling this all really well so far, and being there for him in ways he needs, too.

Hoping for good news.

[velkoria]

[QUOTE:TwoThree;358761]^ I think that when it comes to something as serious as scary as a SO's possible very serious illness, it doesn't matter if one posts a thread or a blog post..

I honestly don't mind it being a post because it's so serious, I want saying that to be mean, or harsh. I suppose it could've been taken that way, but I didn't mean it.
I was just saying that because it'd be easier to follow everything.[/QUOTE]

Well I didn't take it that way! I thought it was more of a 'this could be nice to be able to read back on' or something and well thank you gusy for caring. I was happy we got to talk last night because as much as he needed it? I needed it too. Being ourselves felt nice and not talking about illnesses or issues was also nice too.

[velkoria]

It's the worst waiting for medical results and stuff.. good job being casual in a way that let him open up. I'm sure he really needed that, and then being able to joke a little bit about it is definitely a positive thing in the face of big scary stuff.

Also good job on having the freak-out stuff with your sisters and not him. It wouldn't really help him if you'd talked to him about it, but you need to be able to go to *someone*, so it's good you were able to reach out to them. With big stuff like this, there will be ways that you'll need plenty of support, too, to keep you strong and helping support him through his personal struggle. It sounds like you're handling this all really well so far, and being there for him in ways he needs, too.

Hoping for good news.

Thank you. It's hard because I'm used to him being the one there to see me crying but if I have to do it in front of other people so that when I am with him I cna be strong? I can do that for him.

As for waiting... I can't even imagine what it's like for him so I keep telling myself that no matter what I'm feeling he's feeling it ten times worse.

[80anthea]

I really hope the results are okay, will be thinking of you; it must be very tough on both of you.

[velkoria]

I am glad you got to talk about it. Illness is not an easy thing, and it is great that you have your little humour and inside things to keep you going strong.

Strong seems like the exact opposite of what I seem to be lately lol. I do a lot of crying and a lot of braking down but I keep telling myself if I can do those things on my own time he can enjoy me at my best and not bringing him down too. Thanks for the nice words, though.

[velkoria]

I really hope the results are okay, will be thinking of you; it must be very tough on both of you.

Thank you so much <3

[Unconditional]

Well I didn't take it that way! I thought it was more of a 'this could be nice to be able to read back on' or something and well thank you gusy for caring. I was happy we got to talk last night because as much as he needed it? I needed it too. Being ourselves felt nice and not talking about illnesses or issues was also nice too.

It is nice sometimes to just blissfully ignore when bad things happen. When I had a cancer scare last fall, I let my family freak out while I stayed strong. However if you're too strong, sometimes you just don't get over it. I have yet to fully get over that shocker.
Best of luck to you both though, please keep us all updated! =)

[Florann]

I will send positive energy to you and your SO! Stay strong and positive! I hope everything will turn out fine!!

[BlueCat]

Cancer is one hell of a beast, and I truly hope that your SO's test come back negative. My mum has had cancer twice, beaten it once, yet to find out if she's beaten breast cancer. She has a full scan this month, it's been a year and a bit since she finished treatment so it's kinda a scary time wondering if anything will have grown back. So I certainly understand the fear, the uncertainty and everything that goes with it. The best thing that you can do is just be there for him. I was a bit young the first time my mum had cancer for it to really register what what happening (I was about 10), but this last time it hit me hard and I had moments where I completely broke down, but never in front of my mum. If it's a bad result, it is important to talk about the future and diagnosis and what they expect his potential of recovery to be etc. But it's also important to stay positive for them. Just hang in there, after all, it could be a perfect test result

[farandaway]

Best is to be there for him and support. And remember cancer is no death sentence but it means you have to change lifestyle and nutrition often 100%. There is much more to it than conventional medicine admits.