Moving to the UK --> SUPER NERVOUS! (Advice for US/UK LDRs?)

[autumnistic]

(I want to apologize for the disjointedness of this post; I'm a little emotional now and am not quite good with putting emotions into words)

Hey guys!

I was accepted, last minute, into a graduate masters programme in the UK and will be starting in September. I just graduated from my undergrad university in the US this year. I'm not a US citizen, so I was given 3 months of unemployment until I had to leave the country.

My SO, V, and I met while in undergraduate. He was 2 years above me and we dated for a year before he had to go away to a PhD programme in Texas. It was very difficult at first -- lots of fights, drama, etc -- but we fell into a rhythm and we were happy while I finished my 2 years of undergraduate.

Now I'm moving to the UK and I am so nervous. I'll be in a new country and I have no idea at all if I'll be able to return to the US to be with him.

Does anyone have any advice on keeping sane with the large time difference -- or keeping sane during long distance relationships in general? I've been in one for 2 years but I feel like I'm back at Square One with this move ...

THANKS!

[LovingAcrossTheAtlantic]

I'm in a LDR with my boyfriend who lives in the UK. Its a 5 hour time difference for us. If you ever need anyone to talk to, you can message me

I think the thing that keeps me sane is knowing he cares. That its worth it. And doing my best to stay positive. Talking to him as much as possible as well. We deal with the time difference pretty well because my schedule is flexible. But I'm sure you two will fall into sync with each others schedule.

[autumnistic]

I'm in a LDR with my boyfriend who lives in the UK. Its a 5 hour time difference for us. If you ever need anyone to talk to, you can message me

I think the thing that keeps me sane is knowing he cares. That its worth it. And doing my best to stay positive. Talking to him as much as possible as well. We deal with the time difference pretty well because my schedule is flexible. But I'm sure you two will fall into sync with each others schedule.

Thanks so much! I'll try not to bother you but I might take you up on that offer

I think getting our schedules in sync will be the most difficult. Also, staying positive! I guess getting new hobbies would be good

Thank you again!

[squeeker]

Hi! Welcome to LFAD. My boyfriend lives in the UK too so I know how it feels, we have an 8 hour time difference since I'm on the west coast. If you want another person to talk to, although I can't talk to you much about the US side of things, you can message me any time too.

I think LovingAcrosstheAtlantic put it pretty well.. be positive, find the ways of communicate that work best for you, try to video chat as much as your schedules allow, and you'll likely fall into a rhythm. Have patience.. I think one thing.. if you both are US citizens, you should have the option of moving back to the USA after your schooling.. although I know how awesome the UK is and I might end up moving there eventually - unless my boyfriend ends up moving to Canada, it's still sort of fuzzy, and plans change, but we are looking for me to move to the UK one day to be with him.

I hope everything works out with you and your relationship! Have patience, be flexible because things will likely change and sometimes things might not seem to go your way, but try and take a deep breath and relax because having a clear head is the best way to look up and see what your options are. And come back here and ask questions or just read people's ideas or advice or whatever, and just know you aren't alone.. and you can do this!! Stay strong! Say hi to the UK to me :P lol

[autumnistic]

Hi! Welcome to LFAD. My boyfriend lives in the UK too so I know how it feels, we have an 8 hour time difference since I'm on the west coast. If you want another person to talk to, although I can't talk to you much about the US side of things, you can message me any time too.

I think LovingAcrosstheAtlantic put it pretty well.. be positive, find the ways of communicate that work best for you, try to video chat as much as your schedules allow, and you'll likely fall into a rhythm. Have patience.. I think one thing.. if you both are US citizens, you should have the option of moving back to the USA after your schooling.. although I know how awesome the UK is and I might end up moving there eventually - unless my boyfriend ends up moving to Canada, it's still sort of fuzzy, and plans change, but we are looking for me to move to the UK one day to be with him.

I hope everything works out with you and your relationship! Have patience, be flexible because things will likely change and sometimes things might not seem to go your way, but try and take a deep breath and relax because having a clear head is the best way to look up and see what your options are. And come back here and ask questions or just read people's ideas or advice or whatever, and just know you aren't alone.. and you can do this!! Stay strong! Say hi to the UK to me :P lol

Ahh, thank you so much! It's nice knowing people here who are in the same (relative) geographical situation as I am. I'm not new at all to LDR with my boyfriend but this feels like I'm starting back at 1.

It would be nice if I was a citizen, wouldn't it? My family is sorting out the paperwork to get a Green Card but that might take more than a year. We all know how notorious the US is with their immigration policies ...

But thank you so much! You can rant to me any time too!

[Ziltoid555]

I'm also in a US/UK LDR so feel free to pick my brain. Congratulations on the masters program-that sounds exciting! Moving to a new country is tough- and doing so on your own and being (farther) away from your SO is even more trying. As far as moving and adjusting to life in the UK, check out UK Yankee. The site has good general info, and the forum has a lot of very specific advice about stuff like renting a flat, opening a bank account, what to pack and what to just buy when you're there, etc. Being prepared will help ease your fears.
My best advice would be to take full advantage of your opportunity. Get to know your classmates, professors and neighbors; take in the sites, do all of the fun touristy stuff and soak in the local culture. Maybe even pick out a few landmarks ahead of time with your SO, and you can visit them and give him a full report with lots of pictures. Sharing your new experiences with him will be part of the fun.
Thinking about closing the gap in the future can help too. Even just starting to think about the logistics of being together can be comforting. Don't overwhelm yourself of course, but just start researching visas, who is going to move where, the job market in different countries, etc. As always, being prepared is empowering. It's also a good way to feel close to your SO when it is 10 pm where you are but 3 am where he is and he's asleep (full disclosure- I am doing this right now).
Hope this helps. Best of luck.

[autumnistic]

Thanks, Ziltoid! Especially for the the forum suggestion.

It's quite hard for me to stay positive, given my personality, but there's always time to try.

Visa issues are always the toughest, though, and we both have unsteady-ish jobs. We are both in academia, anyway, so the job market is panic-inducing.

Good luck to you!

[kittyxuchiha11]

I know you've already had the 3 posters above say this but hi i'm also in a UK/US LDR so yeah yet again feel free to drop me a message
My SO and I have a 5 hour time difference so it isn't as bad as some people but still pretty bad. 5 hours to me is nothing most of the time (this may be because i'm used to staying up until 4am most nights) but some nights it can feel like loads. I don't really have anything else to say that's really that interesting so yeah just remember you can always drop me a little message if you want to talk :3

[autumnistic]

I know you've already had the 3 posters above say this but hi i'm also in a UK/US LDR so yeah yet again feel free to drop me a message
My SO and I have a 5 hour time difference so it isn't as bad as some people but still pretty bad. 5 hours to me is nothing most of the time (this may be because i'm used to staying up until 4am most nights) but some nights it can feel like loads. I don't really have anything else to say that's really that interesting so yeah just remember you can always drop me a little message if you want to talk :3

Thank you! I might take you up on that offer! Mine's 6 hours, so it's not as bad as some 12 hour ones I've seen -- those are the really strong/scary ones. I guess finding a schedule and falling into each other's is the most difficult part. We're both postgraduate students so it'll be tough!

Some days are more optimistic than others but I'm still quite bummed and nervous :x

[bubblehits]

Just thought I would pop a comment up. I'm in the UK, my SO lives in the US and we have a 5 hour time difference.

You'll work out a rhythm and find time to talk to each other. It might be at rather unsociable times but you'll do it, and since you've been in your ldr for 2 years it'll probably come easier than you think.

I think I got to bed between 2-4am so I can talk to my SO (thankfully I work in the afternoons). He's about to start working nights so, its going to be interesting talking to each other when one person is working/home while the other is sleeping.

Congrats on being accepted for your masters, and good luck!