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    #1

    I Have No Idea What To Do.

    Okay. Rewind 3 years, I met a man in the UK. I'm west coast USA. We hit it off immediately, meeting online. We've been in touch daily. He sends me kisses tons, he has his endearing names he calls me. We Skype, we text throughout the day.

    We have camsex, we discuss our families, jobs. I consider him extremely close to me.

    He won't talk about the future. Or what he wants or what he does not want. I don't want to keep asking. But I don't know what to think.

    I feel like the only person in the predicament.

    I need answers. Can't get them. All I know is we talk about me visiting, but nothing else. Am I bugging out?!
    Tags: None
    #2
    After three years you haven't had that talk at all?!?!? Brutal. Major red flag. Have you brought it up? Seems like you have. You need to be upfront. This is three years we are talking, not days, weeks, or months. How old is he that he doesn't want to discuss anything for the future? Something seems fishy to me.

    Comment

      #3
      I agree, this his responses to you are a red flag. Why has there not been a visit in 3 years? If he refuses to answer questions especially concerning the nature/stage of the relationship and when a visit would happen, I would give an ultimatum of solidifying what the relationship is and planning a visit or ending everything. It's not fair to keep you in limbo for so long.
      When two hearts are meant for each other, no distance is too far,
      no time is too long, and no other love can break them apart.

      Comment

        #4
        It sucks. He's great.

        I haven't visited, well, It is a lot to save.

        He wants to meet me. But besides that, we'll talk about the world, but nothing else.

        I don't want to kill a good thing so I haven't brought it up.

        Comment

          #5
          Originally posted by iloveyourway View Post
          It sucks. He's great.

          I haven't visited, well, It is a lot to save.

          He wants to meet me. But besides that, we'll talk about the world, but nothing else.

          I don't want to kill a good thing so I haven't brought it up.
          Why is it all up to you to handle this visit? It takes two to tango and after that long, he should be willing to pay half for you to go there or him to come to you, or something is fishy if he is not really pursuing it. He might just enjoy having you exactly as you are and I would be curious about the exclusivity at this point.
          Last edited by Hollandia; July 24, 2014, 05:51 AM.
          "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. "
          Benjamin Franklin

          Comment

            #6
            I have been with my SO for almost three years and we are closing the distance soon. I know many people have to wait longer, but it is absolutely not ok not to talk about future after such a time.

            Comment

              #7
              I completely disagree. I find it absolutely normal that he doesn't want to talk about a future together if you haven't met yet.
              Yes, you can dream about the perfect future, but if you are a realist you want to meet first before you decide to spend the rest of your life with each other. There is loads of people on here who don't even consider themselves "in a relationship" until they meet their partner in person and have their starting point of their relationship the day they met.

              Waiting two years is of course a long time and you both could have saved up enough money to come up with half the price of a ticket, but that's beside the point, because you didn't. Maybe you could consider doing that and see where your relationship goes once you do meet in person.

              Relationship began: 05/22/2012
              First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
              Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
              Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
              Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
              Married: 1/24/2015
              Became Resident: 9/14/2015

              Comment

                #8
                I agree with conejita. You need to sit him down and talk about meeting and where this is all going. It's important, especially in LDRs, to be on the same page about things like this. You shouldn't have to be worried about bringing it up after being in a relationship for 3 years. How did he react when you wanted to talk about it previously?

                Comment

                  #9
                  You should know for sure where you stand as far as other people are concerned.
                  "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. "
                  Benjamin Franklin

                  Comment

                    #10
                    I just found out and I am so glad.

                    He doesn't want to disappoint me. He is a realist.

                    But we will meet and as we don't know how it will all go, if it goes as well as it has... At that point we will figure something out to be together infinitely.

                    After being on here I thought. I have to do this conversation. I need peace of mind. I need to know it's real. What I could have done was shove him away and that would have reassured me that it wouldn't work.

                    I have no words for what I just found out.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      I personally think it's a good thing that he doesn't wat to disappoint you. He's being mature in that aspect because he doesn't want to get your hopes up about a future that at not happen.

                      Remember when saving for a trip that every little bit helps. I only say this because I've met so many people who talk about how they can't save money yet they always forget that even saving pennies helps because they add up over time.

                      I wish you luck!

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Originally posted by iloveyourway View Post
                        I just found out and I am so glad.

                        He doesn't want to disappoint me. He is a realist.

                        But we will meet and as we don't know how it will all go, if it goes as well as it has... At that point we will figure something out to be together infinitely.

                        After being on here I thought. I have to do this conversation. I need peace of mind. I need to know it's real. What I could have done was shove him away and that would have reassured me that it wouldn't work.

                        I have no words for what I just found out.
                        See? I told you We can't always assume and expect the impossible. If he has been loyal to you, has tried to make you happy, communicated with you and talks to you about problems, then maybe he is doing all he can to make this relationship work.
                        I hope you two can save up for a trip and see each other soon!

                        Relationship began: 05/22/2012
                        First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
                        Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
                        Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
                        Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
                        Married: 1/24/2015
                        Became Resident: 9/14/2015

                        Comment

                          #13
                          That is great news! Open communication is key to a LDR.

                          When you go to book the trip I suggest using Kayak. Trying listing the dates as flexible for the 1/3 before or after each way and click the box for surronding airports. Sometimes it can make a big difference if you plan in advance and are flexible you can save hundreds. Pack light and you can save even more, some airlines charge to check in person so, check that out too. Every little bit helps. If you have American Express points British Air will still get you across the pond for the least points. Feel free to PM for any pointers, I spent the the 2.5 years jumping that pond every few months.
                          "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. "
                          Benjamin Franklin

                          Comment

                            #14
                            One thing is the future, as in forever and ever, but after three years how come you can't visit each other or at least be on the way to save money etc? I guess the cost is high, but you have had 3 years to think about it, and each of you could pay like half a ticket like the others said. Yes, it is wise to nok talk about the future so much until after you have met, but it seems to me this has become an excuse for not meeting at all.
                            I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                            - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                            "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Personally I can't see that it's ever money that is in the way. If you want it badly enough, you will find the money. But other issues are more uncertain. To speak up and know for sure what thoughts your other half has on the other side of the world, that's much more difficult. I have not seen my boyfriend for a year and we were supposed to see each other several times already. I know he loves me and he wants a future with me. I also know that his life has been very hard. And it wasn't ever about money. I think if he had wanted it badly enough, he would have come here. But that's only my end of it. I know my SO thinks into the future and although he misses me he doesn't think it's such a big deal to wait a year or more until the time is right. I don't see it that way and I don't understand him but I try to accept that this is how he wants it. So, unless you talk about it and find a mutual understanding you will only be guessing the real reasons. I'm not saying it's always easy but for me, it gives me a peace of mind to go on.

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