LDR and money...

[Alma]

hhey,


as we all know, being in a LDR, especially in an international LDR is expensive.
How do you deal with that.
I know we all can split the cost for a plane ticket with our SO's, but what do you do if that is not possible.
Do you earn enough money or are you a low paid worker?

I am a little stressed and exhausted right know because I earn enough money as I do not have any children, yet it's still not enough money. Just me and my cat. But living in the capital city of Germany is really expensive and I have to pay half of my wage on an apartment.

Now that I am in a LDR, I am even more stressed when it comes to money. But I would never ever end this relationship because of less money.
I am just unsure how am I supposed to close the distance if money is an issue..

That sucks so much.

I am that kind of person who easily gets depressed and nervous when things are not going the way I would like them to go.

[differentcountries]

We don't split the cost, I pay for my tickets myself. If he comes here I will pay too, I earn many times what he does so I think that is only fair. We have a flat together in Turkey (where I stay one week a month) where I pay the rent, we split the food and he pays most else. Me and my husband usually split everything in half, but everything related to boyfriend I pay myself. I am often stressed over money, it is hard to make a budget because of our frequent visits so usually I just use as little money as I can. I almost never use money on clothes or shoes or eating out, or anything really that I don't have to. I prioritize the relationship over most things. I have no idea as of this point how to close the distance, in time we will know. In the mean time I just focus on having enogh for visits (and flat).

I usually buy tickets for the next flight before I go visiting him or at the very least during the visit because I have promised him he will never have to be uncertain about our next visit. He loves having a countdown.

He used to be very reluctant to receive my money or me paying for things, but I think we found ways in which he can still maintain his pride as an independant person (or even a man). I usually say I will do whatever it takes, and I do. I have been on travels with very little money, I have used credit cards. I still have no idea how I managed to pay for the flat, it should be impossable for me to pay rent two different places but I do it. I guess I just pay that first and everything else comes second. Also, he has tought me a LOT about money; how to use little money in my/our daily life, how to stretch money and so on. He is very good with that.

I have considered taking another job to earn more but he has actually adviced me against it. I am not so young anymore, I will need to know I don' t get sick from working too much. I am also responsible for the economy I have with my husband. Actually, we want to buy a bigger flat in Norway (I have lived in this flat for more than 12 years already) and so I worry a bit about economy, but hopefully by the time that happens I will have gotten a raise, and also with more bedrooms in the new flat SO could live here when he comes and possably even staying longer because of this (renting hotel rooms or flats here is terribly expensive). I am happy we are only renting in Turkey for now so there is less responsability.

[Unconditional]

I am the kiind of person that likes having financial security, so not having money stresses me out. I get minimum wage, so I guess to many I don't make THAT much, but I plan on making it work. I don't buy things if I don't need them, for the most part I stay at home if I'm not working, and I take other people's shifts to get more money. Also, I plan my visits far ahead so I know I have time to save. I will NOT let my SO pay for or even go half-sies on a ticket, because I don't want to, I don't like.using other people's money, or borrowing.
I live with family right.now because I KNOW I cannot afford an apartment on my own. Have you tried.getting roommates?

[GuineaPunk]

I pay for our relationship, but to be honest we don't really have much of an option due to the vast disparity between our two economies. I organise and pay for all of my own flights and other travel arrangements, and once he eventually gets a visa to come and visit me I will be paying for his plane ticket and any hotel bills that need to be paid. I also foot the cost of the visitor visa application process, when it comes to it I will be footing the bill for the lengthy (and incredibly expensive) residency application, but I'm trying not to think about that yet!

Despite not earning a huge amount at the moment I can afford it as I still live at home with my parents (being 'single' it's really difficult to find somewhere affordable to live around here, and people are shaky on the one salary.) Money is still a little tight as I am currently doing a degree which is completely self funded and I am training for my accountancy qualifications, work said they would pay but went back on it once I organised it all. I occasionally send a little to my boyfriend as well to help him finish off the house he is building back in Kenya when I have some spare. Once I have finished all of my various qualification routes I will be seeking both a higher paying job than my current one, as well as a weekend/evening job to just squeeze as much money as I can into my bank account. UK immigration requires a huge amount of savings behind the couple, and I would need to move out of my parent's house before he comes here permanently so we have somewhere to live!

I don't actually get hugely stressed about money, considering I work with money all day everyday I'm quite good at planning my finances and keeping on top of everything . I'm also of the attitude that if I don't have enough I can just take on another job.

[TwoThree]

My SO and I are both employed, and have been at our respective jobs for several years. We both have relatively decent savings. BUT, I live in a country where a salary is a small fraction of what people in Finland make, and of course my savings are way smaller than his.

I used to always pay for my tickets and for my expenses when I travel. Then gradually I started letting him pay for half my ticket, but not all the time. Recently he insisted on paying the ticket himself, but I don't want to make a habit out of it. He shouldn't shoulder all the expenses for my visits. Although to be fair, we are married and have been together for almost 6 years. He keeps saying his money is "our" money, though I'm not sure I'll ever get used to that.

International LDR's are very expensive. When I think about all the money I have spent since we started dating... well, it hurts a little!

[Hollandia]

In the beginning I had more cash and took care of all of my own travel and I was the only one traveling for awhile. Things happen in life and he would have a bit more money and pay for some travel fees....and so it went on. We took turns and not even turns, just whoever had it, paid it, if we both had it we split it. We do look at our money as joint and we are not even married yet. We feel the LDR is for two partners that share the responsibility of time and money together equally as best we can. We both made huge sacrifices to be together. We don't regret it, it was just what had to be done.

I don't know how long you two have been together but I would not spend all my cash unless I knew this was worth the investment. If you are talking about your future spouse, then go as far as you are willing. If you are just beginning to date, then don't over strap yourself too much.

[Miasmata]

We make things work based on how much disposable income we both have. At the start of the relationship, I was better off financially, so I paid for flights and more expenses as well as saved up more for our future together. When I got hit with unexpected expenses and such, though, and he got a job again, things got adjusted to be more on him. We both do what we can and make things work out. W try to save every month, but it fluctuates how much it is. Having a good financial plan helps, as well as keeping track of costs (and getting rid of ones that are not really necessary so you can save up more), and of course communicating and seeing who can do what.

[emsimes]

My SO lives in Germany and I live in California, so I feel your stress, Alma! My SO and I both have pretty good jobs, but we're also both students. We both have a fair amount of savings, and we're both a bit stingy when it comes to money ^^

Throughout our relationship, the person who travels to the other one pays for their own flight. In return, the other person will pay for most of the expenses throughout the visit. It does get expensive, but it is 100% worth it!

[Petals]

So far, my SO has funded our relationship but this will change slightly for the foreseeable future. He earns significantly more than me so it's natural for him to take on the bulk of that responsibility. Going forward, I will be in a position to at least share the costs for some of our dates and airfare. I feel bad that due to certain financial commitments I could not have contributed to any of our trips/dates.

[DC2London]

Hey there!! I am sorry you're feeling so stressed from money. Believe me, I am right there with you. Not even just money but finding the time to even get over to the UK with limited vacation days! But when he comes to visit he pays his way, and I pay mine to see him. It is much more expensive for me to go there so as much as I love to go out on weekends and keep up my social life, I sacrifice time to save. He does it as well. And when he arrives, I will money set aside to spend with him because there is nothing worse then having them come here and not being able to financially support them for nights out, activities, vacas, etc. Just set aside money when you can!!

[Alma]

You don't know how good it feels to here that there are also other LDR couples who struggle with money.
I really don't mind the distance between us since we can talk on Facebook and skype on almost a daily basis.
We've talked about closing the distance next year. But this will be really tough. Plus my boss just cut off my hours and that means about 100 € less pay each month.

When I am finally in my new apartment, I will also sacrifice time just so I can save everything I have. He is worth it.
I am trying to find a job like babysitting or something easy just so I can save that. I think this is a good idea and better than nothing, right?

[Miasmata]

Of course, any money you can put aside is worth it! But please, always make sure you are not overextending yourself. Your health and wellbeing are always important!

[Alma]

Absolutely! Of course I'll still see my friends and go to the cinema and whatnot. It'll be just limited.
I have to study a lot anyway...for the Germans among us (mache eine berufsbegleitende Ausbildung) and now for the english speaking folks, I think you can translate it with vocational education..not really sure though.

[Miasmata]

You are studying something in conjuction with your job That's very honorable, but just all the more reason you should make sure you take enough breaks. Studying and working combined can take quite the toll. I'm not here to lecture you, you know yourself better than I do, but I just speak from experience when it comes to overextending myself. You deserve to take good care of yourself, even when you got a strong goal in mind.

[Alma]

you are absolutely right. I do not want to ruin my health.
I am stressed right now anyway, trying to find an apartment in Berlin is more than exhausting and expensive...argh