Being nervous
Infront, sorry for bad english.
I feeling nervous to meet my SO. We texting/calling since kinda year. He sayed he has trouble to get visa for europe, so I took a brave breath and made the step to book tickets. My friends thinking its 'crazy' and my parents was long time against it ... to meet him at first at his country.
But I don't know if it is just life time issue - busy work week ... I feel like distance since I told him i book tickets. He checking his msg in app more less or more very late and than often he just uses stickers instead of writing. And getting much more later online to talk to me as usual time. Even if he knows, I do waiting always at the same time. I feel so nervous, feeling more easier hit cause this step to book ticket its for me "hey i am serious! I love you and I go for you around the globe" I am afraid to get hurt now. If he is than an hour later online, he tries to call me and saying he always love me. He make me crazy with this. I feel mad and sad than. I try not show than but he knows it, that he did wrong. It is okay for me, to be not every day, in connection but than, i want to get a msg to let me know i can sleep longer (but he said, i want to talk to me everyday). i don't want to wait for nothing and feeling forgotten. i am afraid i wait later than on airport and nobody is comming. this fear is growing in my head - now. but maybe I do panic by myself cause of this special situation to flight around the world for somebody who stole my heart. I've never done this before.
It makes me sad too to have nobody to talk, somebody who have an international relationship too and can share experience and not just empty sentences of imaginations. Somebody who understands it. If I would bring this topics to my beloved they would starting to tell me about bad internet people and evil intensions they have. (Somebody would love to write or chat ...? ^^)
A bad point if I want to talk to him is the bad internet connection too. Sometimes I cannot understand the sentence or just get a clue cause of some words, what he said, same for him with me. Sometimes we both than nut-heads and try it over and over again to get a call with a good connection ready. Of crouse we laugh and had fun all the weeks before. My typing above sound bad image about him - but that is of course not his own site. He has great sites and he is the one I felt in love. But this week of more 'silence' ... it make me nervous, is it childish? And I don't know what to do with this feelings ... I feel like i need a real hug, a deep view into the eyes, and the world is shiny again ... but he is so far away, and yea ... . And my mind says to me: If you have met him, and you stayed some weeks together, than you can really proof the love.
I could write so much more, but to write it open here ... makes me feel: oh I don't want to go in public to much, even everybody has here for sure same experiences in history or right now (silent readers) =/. Sorry ...
I feeling nervous to meet my SO. We texting/calling since kinda year. He sayed he has trouble to get visa for europe, so I took a brave breath and made the step to book tickets. My friends thinking its 'crazy' and my parents was long time against it ... to meet him at first at his country.
But I don't know if it is just life time issue - busy work week ... I feel like distance since I told him i book tickets. He checking his msg in app more less or more very late and than often he just uses stickers instead of writing. And getting much more later online to talk to me as usual time. Even if he knows, I do waiting always at the same time. I feel so nervous, feeling more easier hit cause this step to book ticket its for me "hey i am serious! I love you and I go for you around the globe" I am afraid to get hurt now. If he is than an hour later online, he tries to call me and saying he always love me. He make me crazy with this. I feel mad and sad than. I try not show than but he knows it, that he did wrong. It is okay for me, to be not every day, in connection but than, i want to get a msg to let me know i can sleep longer (but he said, i want to talk to me everyday). i don't want to wait for nothing and feeling forgotten. i am afraid i wait later than on airport and nobody is comming. this fear is growing in my head - now. but maybe I do panic by myself cause of this special situation to flight around the world for somebody who stole my heart. I've never done this before.
It makes me sad too to have nobody to talk, somebody who have an international relationship too and can share experience and not just empty sentences of imaginations. Somebody who understands it. If I would bring this topics to my beloved they would starting to tell me about bad internet people and evil intensions they have. (Somebody would love to write or chat ...? ^^)
A bad point if I want to talk to him is the bad internet connection too. Sometimes I cannot understand the sentence or just get a clue cause of some words, what he said, same for him with me. Sometimes we both than nut-heads and try it over and over again to get a call with a good connection ready. Of crouse we laugh and had fun all the weeks before. My typing above sound bad image about him - but that is of course not his own site. He has great sites and he is the one I felt in love. But this week of more 'silence' ... it make me nervous, is it childish? And I don't know what to do with this feelings ... I feel like i need a real hug, a deep view into the eyes, and the world is shiny again ... but he is so far away, and yea ... . And my mind says to me: If you have met him, and you stayed some weeks together, than you can really proof the love.
I could write so much more, but to write it open here ... makes me feel: oh I don't want to go in public to much, even everybody has here for sure same experiences in history or right now (silent readers) =/. Sorry ...
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