Stories from girls who have moved countries to be with their SO?

[Lallyloo]

Hi everyone,

I'm in an LDR wth a guy from Austria. I come from the UK, but have been teaching all around Austria and Italy for the past 18 months, and have just renewed a contract to work in Italy for one more year. We are only currently a 6 hour drive away from each other, which doesn't seem as far as some of you guys! So I guess I'm quite lucky in that sense! Anyway, we spent 8 months living just a 5 minute walk away from each other's flat, and we would both love for it to be as easygoing as it was back then.

Getting a job in Austria isn't a huge problem for me as I'm English and have a degree as a primary school teacher! My problem is that he wants me to move to him eventually. He will not hear of the possibility of him moving to England, because 'his life is here (Austria).' I understand this... it was me that moved to Austria, not the other way around. Now Austria and England are not so far apart - only 2 hours by plane. But I still feel like making a permanent move to Austria would be letting my family down, leaving everything I know behind me, bringing children up who know Austria better than their own mother's country, being absent for a large part of my my mum and brother's lives, and not being able to be there when they are sad, or sick or need support.

I'm not looking for answers, I know it's my decision. I just wondered if there were any other girls out there that have closed the distance by moving to their SO's country, maybe got married and had children? I'd love to hear your stories to help me make my decision.

Were currently on a break until the weekend when we see each other to talk about our future properly. This may end in a really sad break up, as neither of us wants to actually break up, but can't currently decide on a middle ground :S

Thanks muchly

[differentcountries]

It is not an easy decition. No matter who moves, someone is not going to live close to their family. But you don't "owe" him anything just because you were the one to take a teaching job close to him, that is just how you guys met... Also you are not "letting your family" down just because you move 2 hours away by plane, you can still be there for them over the distance and even fly to stay for a while should something happen.

Both of you have to remember that moving is not neccesarily for life, and there is always the other option. I think for the move to be the right decition, both parties should at least have given moving both ways a serious thought. I for instance think maybe he will move to me eventually, but I am also considering moving to him, which is part of the reason why I am learning Turkish. I think also it would be nice, especially when he has finished his education, if he learned some more Norwegian. That way none of us would have to start from scratch if we moved. Also there is an obligation to learn about the other's country. So far, you have been moving around, he has not. If he wants you to move to him permanently, it is only fair that he visits your homeland and sees what it is like there, if he has not done so already.

[Lallyloo]

Thanks,
We had long long talks and decided that neither of us could leave our families to be with another person. I admire anyone who is brave enough to take that plunge, but at the end of the day, who are we without our own friends and family? Something we both personally believed in anyway. Probably why we got on so well! The difficult thing is, that we still love each other! We haven't broken up because we hate each other, or one of us did something wrong. God, I think this is worse than any angry break up!!
Thanks for reading anyway. I wish you all the best with your relationships x

[Petals]

oh wow! I guess people really are different!

In my opinion, 2 hr plane ride is so minimal...you could fly home several times per year or they could visit you.

With that said:

You have to do what's best for you...kudos for knowing what you want!

All the best

[differentcountries]

Thanks,
We had long long talks and decided that neither of us could leave our families to be with another person. I admire anyone who is brave enough to take that plunge, but at the end of the day, who are we without our own friends and family?

Friends and family are imortant. I am lucky in that sense that his best friend is probably going to move to Norway and to my city anyway (his pregnant fiance lives here), he also has other friends who lives in Norway. He will most likely shift jobs anyway because it is very physically draining. Also, he does not currently live close to any his family apart from one cousin, he usually visits his home town just once a year. I mean if he moved here we could probably visit every major holiday (Christmas, Easter, summer) and see his family more often than what he does now.

Also, if I thought I could make it work with getting a job, the language and so on I would not hesitate to leave my family and friends behind (although I would have had to bring my husband, too). With internet it is not such a hassle to keep in touch, and we would also visit every chance we got (we would have to get good enough payed to travel internationally, though). I could keep in touch and probably I would get another circle of friends where I lived, and perhaps the inlaws would feel like family. There is not much I would not have done for him. I am pretty determined to make this happen one way or another. I agree with Petals that 2 hrs is not much of a plan ride, I travel 4 hours plane ride each month to visit SO.

[CanGirl]

Hey Lallyloo,

I'm ot sure if you can take anything from my story but I hope you can! It's not really and LDR but I'm gonna tell it anyway. My parents are both originally from Holland. They got married there and had me and my sister there aswell. When I was 4 I moved to Canada and I don't remember much of those first few years except for what my parents have told me. I feel very lucky that my parents decided to make the move to Canada. It has opened my life up to a world of opportunities including being bilingual. The rest of my family besides my close family is back n Holland and that makes it extra special when I go visit them. I actually had the opportunity to go to school in Holland for 3 years because I am a dual citizen(Not sure if your kids could get that). Last year my mom had breast cancer and that was tough on the family. My grandma came lots during the time so she could be with her and the rest of the family stayed in lots of contact. My mom was always very tired because she was sick and was in a way glad that she didn't constantly have visitors over and ask how she was doing. Anyways as the kid of parents who decided to leave their home country I am very happy and wouldn't want to have it any other way! I hope this helps.

CanGirl

[lordpsymon]

I'll ask my partner in 5 months time when she gets here if she'd like to recount her story of moving here to you. :P
Deciding who is moving where was easy. I brought the subject up expecting it to be a fairly lengthy discussion, being that moving internationally is a huge decision to make. I made it clear that if she wasn't keen to leave Orlando, that I'd be more than happy to move there. Her reply was something along the lines of "hell no! I am moving over there!"
So what I anticipated to be a conversation that'd take a while ended up being over in less than a minute.

[TaraMarie]

IMHO, if neither of you is willing to leave your families, then you just don't love each other enough. Come hell or high water, you have to want to BE TOGETHER, and it has to be a priority, regardless of who makes the sacrifices. My SO and I are 2 1/2 hours apart by plane, and we are together every other weekend. You could do the exact same thing with your family if you moved. But if being with your mom and brother is more important (and you are current
Y living apart from them for a JOB), then I don't think you should go forward in your relationship, because obviously HE just isn't that important....... That's my take on it. Good luck with your decision.

[p_b82]

It is a brave decision to make to decide that the person you love is less important that the people you are leaving behind.

It is also brave to admit that you don't love someone enough to move as well....

Knowing my feelings now, I realise I did not love my ex enough to have considered moving if she was the other side of the world, and I was with her for 5.5 years, so it is a good thing you have worked this out now IMO.

Anyway all the best, and hope you are not feeling too down for too long, as if you do, it means you may have made a mistake - which if it is not too late you can rectify

[Ylona]

In about 2 weeks I will be moving to Denmark to work as an au pair and learn the language so I can go to university there in a year. I've been in a relationship with a Dane for almost 2 years now and I'm not hesitant at all to leave the Netherlands.
With today's social media (skype, Facebook, whatsapp) I will easily be in touch with my family and when needed I'll find a way to make the 8 hour drive or the 1,5 hour flight.
Also, my boyfriend's family has become like a real family for me .. everyone is incredibly nice and helpful so I'm very excited and can't wait to move!

[farandaway]

I miss to be with my SO so much every day that I can't wait for the time we can live together. We've talked about him moving here. It was always his idea but I could as well move to the US. It sounds to me you don't love each other enough if you're not ready to make that decision.

[Xanahtas]

Well i'll be moving to Canada with my SO from the UK in 3 weeks (he is canadian over here on a visa). It wasnt really a hard choice for me to make because i knew i'd always want to be where he is and since the UK visas are too hard to get, Canada seemed the obvious choice. I'm super excited to settle over there even if that means being so far from my family. It doesnt mean its forever because we might choose to move back one day but for the next 4 or 5 years, Canada will be home.

[vicks5721]

It has been an easy decision from day one for me to move from England to America and I am used to it living in other countries, I lived in Austria for a year once as an au pair and I went to Greece for 8 months again as an au pair and I have been to America 3 years ago I lived there for a month and loved it. I love American culture and so that also makes the decision to move to America easier as well. Also I love my fiance with all my heart and he is my whole world and universe. My family and friends understand, as they say whatever makes me happy and they wish us all the happiness in the world, they support my decisions. I knew right from the beginning when we first started dating back in February that I would move to America to be with the love of my life, my soulmate. Also we agree that it is an easier life financially and makes more sense that I move there. We have agreed though also that if it came to it, he would be willing to move to England. But we know now for certain I am coming there, we are going through the K1 fiance visa process right now and the petition was approved a month ago, the next step is waiting to hear from the US embassy in London to come for an interview and also I will go for a medical exam. So I will in with my love in America by around end of November, beginning of December. We have agreed we will come visit my family and friends in England at least once a year, and I will keep in contact with them through skype, facebook, twitter, whatsapp, text messages and email. Also what I think is great, is when we have kids in the future, they will grow up learning about both cultures and they will be able to visit England and maybe parts of Europe on hoildays/vacations. I don't feel nervous at all, apart from meeting his parents finally in person, I feel joy, excitement and happiness about moving to America very soon.

[Lea-le-Lea]

I'm moving to Australia to be with my SO for the year in a little over a month!!