44 days to go but missing him so much it hurts...

[farandaway]

Do you know the feeling when you want to jump ahead of time and have it all right now? I've booked my ticket to see him over a week ago and I crafted a morning comb for count down. I've waited over a year to be with him and now when it's finally in sight I miss him more every day. I ended up crying when he called me a while back. I'm so afraid that something will go wrong and that's why I want the days to hurry. In the spring he had tickets booked to come and see me but due to heavy stress and health problems he had to cancel it. So you can understand that I keep worrying what if something like that happens now. His father is very old and doing very poorly. I understand that if something happens to him, he has to go. But I would be so disappointed. I cannot even imagine what I will do if that happens. Disappointments like that are so hard to take.

He keeps saying he loves me and I know he does. But I'm always left missing him when our skypes are so short and I'm the one who wants more. I'm worried how sad I get when I miss him so much. Mornings are the worst for me. I have a nice job and I can keep busy but I often find myself thinking of him and reading our old chats and writing to him all the time. Then on the other hand I'm so busy with my two kids and work that I don't know how I will have time for a man in my life. This doesn't make any sense at all. We've talked about a baby as I wrote in another post but we haven't really talked about it and I don't know what is going to happen in October when I go there. We make fun and say we will "practise" but are we really going to go for that? Sometimes on Skype we mostly just stare at each other and I feel awkward starting real conversations. It's much easier to write my thoughts in an email. Maybe I should do that again.

I just wanted to write because I needed to get it out. I miss him and I love him. That is the only thing I know for sure.

[Unconditional]

Dont worry the days will pass, and it'll all be worth it. If you both love each other, it'll work out. =)

[Redheart14]

Do you know the feeling when you want to jump ahead of time and have it all right now? I've booked my ticket to see him over a week ago and I crafted a morning comb for count down. I've waited over a year to be with him and now when it's finally in sight I miss him more every day. I ended up crying when he called me a while back. I'm so afraid that something will go wrong and that's why I want the days to hurry. In the spring he had tickets booked to come and see me but due to heavy stress and health problems he had to cancel it. So you can understand that I keep worrying what if something like that happens now. His father is very old and doing very poorly. I understand that if something happens to him, he has to go. But I would be so disappointed. I cannot even imagine what I will do if that happens. Disappointments like that are so hard to take.

He keeps saying he loves me and I know he does. But I'm always left missing him when our skypes are so short and I'm the one who wants more. I'm worried how sad I get when I miss him so much. Mornings are the worst for me. I have a nice job and I can keep busy but I often find myself thinking of him and reading our old chats and writing to him all the time. Then on the other hand I'm so busy with my two kids and work that I don't know how I will have time for a man in my life. This doesn't make any sense at all. We've talked about a baby as I wrote in another post but we haven't really talked about it and I don't know what is going to happen in October when I go there. We make fun and say we will "practise" but are we really going to go for that? Sometimes on Skype we mostly just stare at each other and I feel awkward starting real conversations. It's much easier to write my thoughts in an email. Maybe I should do that again.

I just wanted to write because I needed to get it out. I miss him and I love him. That is the only thing I know for sure.

I can totally relate to feeling the distance! You're so close! I have over 100 days left I'm so envious you're time is flying ( I'm happy for you) why don't you write him a letter(s) and give them to him when you see him. I'm making my SO series of "open when" letters that relate to a variety of situations. I sat there for 5 hours before I realise show much time had passed. Giving yourself a project to do helps the time pass and I get such a kick thinking about my SO's reaction when he gets the letters. Also it helps to have a group of friends who you can talk to. Mine can't relate but I'm lucky I found this place where people understand what it's like. Hope this helps.

[Redheart14]

Do you know the feeling when you want to jump ahead of time and have it all right now? I've booked my ticket to see him over a week ago and I crafted a morning comb for count down. I've waited over a year to be with him and now when it's finally in sight I miss him more every day. I ended up crying when he called me a while back. I'm so afraid that something will go wrong and that's why I want the days to hurry. In the spring he had tickets booked to come and see me but due to heavy stress and health problems he had to cancel it. So you can understand that I keep worrying what if something like that happens now. His father is very old and doing very poorly. I understand that if something happens to him, he has to go. But I would be so disappointed. I cannot even imagine what I will do if that happens. Disappointments like that are so hard to take.

He keeps saying he loves me and I know he does. But I'm always left missing him when our skypes are so short and I'm the one who wants more. I'm worried how sad I get when I miss him so much. Mornings are the worst for me. I have a nice job and I can keep busy but I often find myself thinking of him and reading our old chats and writing to him all the time. Then on the other hand I'm so busy with my two kids and work that I don't know how I will have time for a man in my life. This doesn't make any sense at all. We've talked about a baby as I wrote in another post but we haven't really talked about it and I don't know what is going to happen in October when I go there. We make fun and say we will "practise" but are we really going to go for that? Sometimes on Skype we mostly just stare at each other and I feel awkward starting real conversations. It's much easier to write my thoughts in an email. Maybe I should do that again.

I just wanted to write because I needed to get it out. I miss him and I love him. That is the only thing I know for sure.

I can totally relate to feeling the distance! You're so close! I have over 100 days left I'm so envious you're time is flying ( I'm happy for you) why don't you write him a letter(s) and give them to him when you see him. I'm making my SO series of "open when" letters that relate to a variety of situations. I sat there for 5 hours before I realise show much time had passed. Giving yourself a project to do helps the time pass and I get such a kick thinking about my SO's reaction when he gets the letters. Also it helps to have a group of friends who you can talk to. Mine can't relate but I'm lucky I found this place where people understand what it's like. Hope this helps.

[katie.lvd34]

Every day closer is another day closer! I am so happy for you. The countdown until when I visited my SO was one of the most exciting things (besides actually going and seeing him!) I've done. I'd post a status on facebook with the date and everyone was excited for me too!

About missing your SO. I feel the exact same way. Sometimes I worry that I care for him and miss him more than he could ever care or miss me. Unfortunately, he's a man and my man isn't so great at sharing his feelings. He'll tell me that he misses me but won't say anything about it. I used to cry when he'd have to leave (I live in North America, him in the Netherlands so he's 6 hours ahead of me!) and I used to be mad that he wouldn't be as upset as I am about leaving me. But he would always tell me that he knew he would see me in the morning, and that he loved me, and that helped for the moment. But being apart is hard. I, too, have a hard time telling my SO over skype how I really fel so a lot of the time I will depend on emails too! There is nothing wrong with that. But I did find that when I went to be with him, it was easier to tell him things to his face and it was so much nicer than Skype! Also, don't worrying about 'practicing' (hehe). I am a proud virgin and I want to be until my wedding night, and SO is not a virgin but he knows I want to wait. I am not worried for you. If your SO has expressed interest in practicing, then if you're both comfortable I'm sure you will! Which is completely fine! Have some fun! Enjoy him. It's worth it.

[farandaway]

Thank you for your comments. Sometimes I seem to make a big deal of some of his emails. If at the end of the day all he says he is tired and will sleep soon and he loves me, I start to think why is he not telling me about his day and what might be wrong. But when he is looking at me in skype and I can see the love in his eyes I forget all of the worries I have. It's hard to let go off him on Skype, I feel such overwhelming sadness. I can always take time for him and ignore most of my life because he means so much for me. Sometimes I worry how can I fit a man in my daily life because I don't have that much time to give him. I can't wait to meet with him face to face to discuss everything. I did write him a letter this morning with all of my worries. What does his separation from his wife mean for us? How soon can he start the paperwork to be officially free? Should we discuss the babybusiness before I'm there? Can we talk about our future more and make plans? He has never been big into making plans. He can go day by day and hope for the best. This has caused so much friction before when he cannot understand that I need to know.

We have met before twice but our last time was almost 14months ago and it feels like this will be our first time. In some ways it's easier because we know each other very well and we've been through so much but in some ways it's a new situation altogether. We've both been through divorces and we've supported each other through all of that. It's been tough not just for us but for our kids. I'm past the worst but his separation is very fresh. He makes a point to remind me that he is mine and his love for me has shown him the way for a brighter future. I'm not sure how things are over there, the details are none of my business but I've asked him that if there is something I should know he would tell me.

I like to believe that we've come here through so many obstacles and hardships that we can really appreciate what we have. I hope that will take us far. He is the one for me, now and forever.

[differentcountries]

About the babybusiness it sounds a bit too soon to start right away, him not being through seperation yet, but there should definetely be time to talk about the future. I would not worry about not having time for him, if you live together you will find time.

[lordpsymon]

With four and a half months left to go, I definitely can relate to this. With her working more hours to try and save up a good amount of money, I also feel like we're getting less and less time to talk and I am missing her more and more as time passes. I think the best thing you can to is to just keep reminding yourself that the anxiety is only temporary, and discuss with him how best you can work around the time constraints so that you and him have something to look forward to during the wait time, as well as the day that you meet.

[Redheart14]

With four and a half months left to go, I definitely can relate to this. With her working more hours to try and save up a good amount of money, I also feel like we're getting less and less time to talk and I am missing her more and more as time passes. I think the best thing you can to is to just keep reminding yourself that the anxiety is only temporary, and discuss with him how best you can work around the time constraints so that you and him have something to look forward to during the wait time, as well as the day that you meet.

I agree with this

[rhabdoviridae]

Quite frankly I think the status of his separation is very much your business if you want a monogamous, committed relationship. You've been together for two years but don't feel comfortable starting conversations, which is a big deal in my opinion. If you want a future and a child with this man, I think you need to practice your verbal communication now, so that when you're together in 44 days you can communicate openly about these important topics.

[farandaway]

yes, rhabdoviridae. Today he "forgot" that we have 7hours time difference and we missed each other. I know he didn't do it on purpose but he has so much on his mind. I know his separation is my business, too and I wouldn't imagive having a child with a man who is still married to someone else. He is not good at planning. He admits our issues are very important to talk about but he doesn't make a point to really find the time for that. I know that it will be much easier to talk once I'm there but then that puts a lof of pressure on the two weeks and how can we be together. It's impossible to cover over a year's worth of life in less than two weeks. This does bother me quite a lot. We do communicate quite a lot but it's lately been the issues at his end and not our issues. It feels hard why do I have to point it out to him, it should be obvious in a LDR that talking is the key to a happy relationship.

P.S. silly daisypath is set on the right dates but it still counts the lenght of our relationship wrong...

[Redheart14]

Maybe make a list of your top 5 important things to discuss and talk about it at the start of your time together. That way you don't feel awkward waiting until the end of your trip to discuss it. Then the next trip you can bring up the next few things. At least after you've discussed it you can enjoy your time with him without it playing on your mind.

[Jaac]

Thank god I'm not the only one feeling this!
haha, I read your post and it was just what I needed to read.
I am always like: Why isn't he answering my messages (straight away), why isn't he saying goodnight, is he not thinking about me anymore, blablabla.
On top of that we are trying to plan to get him to visit for christmas and I want to know when to book the ticket NOW and not in a week.
I just need to know certain things to look foreward to to ease my mind, but he's different.

There were tons of thing I wanted to say when I was reading all these posts here, but I always forget when I'm typing...

I also have the feeling that I try harder and that I love him more because he doesn't tell me he does everyday.
I tend to worry quite a lot eventhough I know he's got a very busy job and sometimes he doesn't even have time to send me a quick message and when he does I'm not happy because it's such a short message :S Ugh.
I know this is all my problem, cause for some reason I always overlook the nice chats we have and that he does make an effort to send me goodmorning and have a quick chat.
When we're not talking I always think: Next time on skype, I'm just gonna tell him about my worries and how I need more attention.
But as soon as I see him, I forget everything I wanted to tell him. And when we see each other in real life, there are no problems like this at all!

I have noticed that when I do something that really cosumes my thoughts and concentration, I don't worry. Especially when I'm making him something, a gift or so. Cause for some reason that feels closest to doing something with him.

I know you still have a couple of days to go, but time will go fast
In the end anyway!

[farandaway]

Thanks Jaac! I'm getting very excited about the trip and at the same time very uneasy about all of our issues that we don't talk about now. I know we eventually will but I'm also so afraid that after the trip I'll fall apart and can't go back to missing him forever again.

What bothers me the most is that he keeps saying him and soon ex are not on the same planet when it comes to thinking about officially ending their marriage. He is very slow to act on that and of course I can't push him. He's afraid of losing his son and I don't want to cause any trouble for him. They're living on their own but I don't know if they've even mentioned the d-word.

I hope I can talk to him about it soon.

[differentcountries]

If he is afraid of loosing his son it is better to get divorced right away, so that he can get proper rights and not just visits at the mother's whim. Also if he wants a child with you that has legal protection, he better start moving.