Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

The very beginning

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 1
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous template Next
    #1

    The very beginning

    Hi,

    im new to this form and i just wanted to ask something concerning the very beginning of a LDR.

    i met this girl for one week and we really hit it of by the end. we decided we wanted to continue after we would split and in the beginning the conversations were really great. she had warned me she would be really busy back home and she was worried about keeping in touch. however this never was the problem for the first month. we messaged one another every day or maybe with one day pause. the conversations were great and we talked a lot about the i whish you where here stuff.

    now all of a sudden she keeps long pauses of no contact 3 or 4 days. the first two times this happend she gave me an explanation and i thought that was understandable. but we are in our third long pause now and i still see her very active on facebook... the perks of facebook right. so i feel like if you have time to like comment and share on facebook you can message me as well. it is really out of the the blue from having great contact to no contact at all.

    im looking for some advice from people that have had a similar situation and maybe even have solved something of similair nature. i mean normally i can se this stuff coming. when you date someone and the person contacts you less and less or is just less interested overall you feel that it is hitting an end. but again this is just two complete opposites. and also the last time i messaged her she was like sorry i have no time now but il write you back later and she also did that day. but than after i dont hear anything for days..

    thank you in advance
    Last edited by langeafstand; September 6, 2014, 06:31 PM.
    Tags: None
    #2
    She might have trouble with the distance and is subconsciously letting you go. If she likes you enough then she would message you every day. No excuses. Even if she is really busy I'm sure she can find 5 minutes somewhere to write to you. I'm sorry but I think this relationship isn't going to go anywhere.

    Comment

      #3
      Ask her (in a non-accusing way of course!) if she has more of a workload than before or if she just feels she needs time to do other things right now. Give her space to do her own thing! Communication is no doubt important but so is keeping your own life, hobbies and friends, it's what will keep you sane in your LDR when you can't get hold of each other and you miss each other like mad. Equally you need to discuss your needs as well, maybe you could schedule some Skype dates or similar and text each other morning and evening/when you go out or whatever you both are comfortable with.
      We part only to meet again ~ J.Gay

      Comment

        #4
        Give her space but also expect her to communicate her needs and plans to you. We sometimes dont have contact in 3 days but then we both know why (usually work).
        I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
        - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



        "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

        Comment

          #5
          from the way you've worded it, it sounds like you're just kinda waiting for her to message you. if you know she's online why dont you send her a message asking if she's okay or if she needs to talk about something. i mean, she might really just be busy and if you message her it'll remind her that she needs to message you back.
          my girls <3

          Josie (SO)
          Met online ~ 17th August 2017 ~
          Met in person ~ 30th August 2017 ~
          Became official ~ 15th September 2017 ~
          Closed the distance and moved in together! ~ 18th June 2018 ~

          Ash
          Met online ~ 21st November 2018 ~
          Met in person ~ 26th November 2018 ~
          Became official ~ 4th December 2018 ~
          All moved in together! ~ 30th May 2019 ~

          Comment

            #6
            hey man,
            Im in a similar situation as you right now. The communication was really nice we were constantly messaging each other throughout the day. Then she had couple busy days and didnt have as much time to talk, I understood that. So she would text me just in the evening before she went to sleep. However since then the communication hasnt changed much back she would still reply after long time and overall it just doesnt feel as natural and smooth as before. At first I felt quite upset that we dont talk as much anymore, I would check my phone all the time and stuff like that. Soon I realized that was not the way so I decided to take a step back and dont overthink it. So I suggest not to concentrate on it too much, watching her fb activity. I am pretty sure that sending her more messages even though she doesnt reply is the worst approach.

            Comment

              #7
              Langeafstand, kom je uit Nederland?
              I've read your post and I can say me and my bf have been in a similar situation.
              At some point I got cold feet and wouldn't reply to his messages right away.
              Don't forget it can get really hard to be in a long distance relationship.
              My bf was always sweet, patient and listened to me when I needed him.
              That's all you can do if you ask me.
              Be patient. Let her know it hurts your feelings but you are here for her when she needs you.

              Comment

                #8
                first of all thank you all for your answers.

                i can say from the experience so far that i am not believing this to be over yet. the conversations are still really nice and we both keep the spirit alive of wanting to share stuff. and see each other.

                however i can really relate to Maddash. it seems we do go through the same thing. after the first long break because of personal reasons it never really went back to normal. like i said the conversations are still really nice but it just feels like i have to initiate them every time. only difference for me is that whenever i do initiate she does respond almost imidiately so that, atleast is a good thing. also if she says she is busy she will come back within couple hours to continue. so she doesnt let me wait days to reply. it is more after the conversation is actually over it seems like shes okay with that.

                and yeeh i know not looking at facebook is better, but than again being so involved on facebook makes it that this bloody social media thing shows you all of that persons activity. cant get around it ^^ just have to zone it out.

                VeraRyan, ja ik kom uit nederland

                thanks again

                Comment

                  #9
                  yea seems like we are on the same boat here ^^ This is my first ldr and it is still pretty fresh but it kinda seems to me like around this time it is the first proving point that shows what the relationship stands for. I mean if you are able to keep the communication going for longer period of time. My girl is now on the vacation with her friends so we have not talked for like 5 days she is coming back soon so I will see what happens then. Thats the first longer break for me.
                  I was wondering if or how often do you skype ? because we have lots fo troubles setting that up because of the time difference. But every time the skype calls were really nice and somewhat sparking, especially seeing each other on the web cam is so nice and makes it far more real than just plain chatting. So I would recommend skyping to light it up again

                  anyways its cool to talk about it with someone who goes through the same good luck man

                  Comment

                  Previous template Next
                  Working...
                  X