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when its time to go home again...

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    #1

    when its time to go home again...

    so we just spent an amazing month together in both our countries meeting for the 1st time it was like we imagined. we just saw our love indeed was as strong as we thought and i came back 2 days ago. before leaving we both cried and promised to make it work because of distance. he wants we find something permanent to be together because this was a 1st goodbye and it was already so hard. I'm afraid we cant handle more of them.

    i've never seen him this way but he cried so much even after i left. he was never so down and never felt like he doesnt have stuff to do. he's workaholic type and he's got his mind set clear on what he wants. my heart is breaking watching him so sad. all we talk for the past days is when we'll see each other again and all the memories. we wake so many times having dreams and missing each others presence. its bad.

    even i dont feel the same anymore. when we talk its like i blocked all my feeling out. its so weird. its so different. i love him so much but i just dont know what to do with this distance and wait to meet again. how are we supposed to go back to normal?

    and does ayone know how this 90 day stay works for countries like Turkey? if we wanted me to stay there more and maybe ask for temporary residency, what do we have to do?
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    #2
    Hi, I just came back from Turkey today, it is a hard country to leave :-) the first goodbye is always the hardest. It will not be easy after this, but at least from the next visit you will know you can come back. I guess you are numbing yourself now to not become overwealmed, it just means you protect yourself. I felt that way after spending 22 days with SO in summer, be careful because these things can go dark, dont be afraid to cry a little. Work towards planning the next visit if you can. Focus on your daily life and the small things that can give you joy.

    On Turkey: if you stay 90 days, then you must stay out of the country for 90 days. I usually stay in Turkey 8 days a month , sometimes longer, but I don't risk staying more than I can because I really need to see him each month and this is also my arrangement with work.

    It used to be easy to apply for temporal recidency for 6 months, but now they restrict it unless you are elderly. They don't want to give it unless you come for school, work or marriage. I have a friend with temporaral recidency, she is there usually 1-2 months at a time and then a month or 2 in Norway. She got her under the old rules and can renew it, but I can't apply for it. Even if I could, I would not have the option of staying that longanyway ; SO cant support me, I have no savings and so I need to keep my job here in Norway.

    I guess my best option for coming for longer stays to Turkey in the future is work, but then I will need to learn better Turkish (I have learned some through Babbel.com and in a few weeks I will start language class in my town). For younger people, studies will be a good option. You might also look into the rules for fiance visa.
    Last edited by differentcountries; September 6, 2014, 08:31 PM.
    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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      #3
      I have stayed in Turkey for 90 days in 2013 volunteering. You can stay 90 days and must stay out for 90. It is 90 days within 180 days. Do not risk going back after a country hop! A volunteer friend stayed for 90 days then went to Cyprus (greek side) for 2 weeks and went back to Turkey - they let him in but then as he was leaving they noticed that he has done 2x 90 days in a row and now he can't enter for 10 years!!!!! If you stay 90 days and stay out 90 days you are fine. If you do 5-10 days every months you are also fine. Just make sure it is no more than 90 days within 180. Residence permits and longer stay are quite difficult as of recently...

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        #4
        Differentcountries, yes it was so hard to leave. And i didnt expect him get so emotional, but actually when he started crying i felt relieved its not only me feeling so sad about it.

        We talked already about next date. His visa is still valid for 3 months so we will see if he can maybe come in 2 mohths or me in December. But our problem is accommodation. Its expensive in my country for me being only a student and having no work. In his country we can stay at his apartment he shares with a friend for working together, but his friend is religious and would look down bad on him if we lived together without marriage plus hes paying half the rent so he can't exactly say he needs apartment for some time. So we are trying to find something to solve this.

        and what about fiance visa? Where can i look more for it for Turkey?

        @happy healthy so if i stay 75 days out of 90 does it mean i have like 10 days (minus 5 just in case) until i hit the limit mark and it has to pass 180 days between both visits till i can visit again?
        That 10 yrs ban for your friend is a disaster. How is that even possible :O

        Comment

          #5
          I find that I tend to go kind of numb after visits and I struggle to talk to my SO online, it just doesn't feel right.

          I also prefer to be the one leaving, the travelling sucks, but you get to see friends and family again, sleep in your own bed, a lot of things to distract you. But being the one left behind sucks, because everything's the same, except you're doing every without your SO.

          It is very difficult to go back to "normal" for me online isn't normal anymore. We've been at it for so long and have had so many long visits that I find online very difficult, whereas initially it was a wonderful tool to keep us connected I now almost resent it in a way, that we have to talk online because it's the only way we can.

          You'll find ways of coping though, just keep busy and active with hobbies etc, and make sure you set aside time to talk, even if it's just light subject matter it doesn't matter, just keep a part of each other's lives.
          Together since: Feb 23rd 2005.
          First met: June 13th 2006

          Comment

            #6
            The tourist visa allows you to stay for 90 days, leave the country for 90 days(=180 days) and then (with a new 180 day visa) come back for 90 days again.

            Perhaps extripat forums like Turkeycentral.com have links for the fiance visa. Or your SO can do a search in Turkish. I tried on e-visa.gov.tr and could not find anything there, just on work visa.

            For accomodation you may look at hotels that give discounts for longer term stay, or hear if someone knows someone who rents out a flat cheap. There is also Airbnb in Turkey. Generally in Turkey you get the best deals through personal contact because people dealing in business loves to give discounts even to friends 's friends.
            Last edited by differentcountries; September 7, 2014, 09:36 AM.
            I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
            - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



            "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

            Comment

              #7
              Bluecat its exactly how i feel now. I dont like talking online like that. Even i dont know what to talk about. I just feel so bad because it feels like we got nothing to talk when in real we just sat and watched a.movie for hrs or just hugged and didnt say anything and it felt perfect.

              Even hes different. He seems so sad and out of place and tired because he cant sleep okay. He keeps having dreams with me and searching for me. He was the one left behind. He visited me 1st then i went with him and i left back home.

              You are right. Being left behind must be even more bad. I dont want it too. I see he suffers more than i do. Everything in the house reminds him of me and hes just sad and pacing around. Ive never seen him like that.

              We were on cam last night 1st time after i came home. I was smiling and all but it just didnt feel right. I wanted to kiss him and hug him so bad. I even told him not to do certain looks and stuff because its too much for me to handle lol
              And i saw he was sad. He didnt smile like usual. He was with me but at the same time so distant. I saw that sadness in his eyes. It was breaking my heart.

              @Different countries i didnt get that part about tourist visa. I am European. I dont need a visa to enter. So i syill get to have 90 days stay?how can i check what limits do i have to not break some of rules and not be banned out? Do i ask to my government or theirs?

              Comment

                #8
                And you ate right. We used airbnb for my country. How we didnt think of that. Thanks a lot.

                And thanks for links. Ill ask my SO to search for fiance visa. Also he has his own company. Hes thinking to employ me to get me to stay. U thimk this could work? His company is registered

                Comment

                  #9
                  It is possable your bf could employ you, you could look into that. You need papers of your employment to show to the police to get your temporaral recidency.

                  If you travel without visa you risk getting denied entry to Turkey. It used to be that you only payed some money upon arrivel, but they recently changed the rules so everyone has to apply for e-visa online at e-visa.gov.tr. I am European too, still have to do it.
                  I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                  - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                  "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                  Comment

                    #10
                    @differentcountries but my government site says we dont need visa and i got into country in august just fine...so why this online stuff?

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                      #11
                      i see under Who is eligible for e-Visa? my country isnt listed so i dont need this right?

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Does it say specifically you don't have to get another type of visa? Because it could mean you have to apply through the embassy instead.
                        I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                        - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                        "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                        Comment

                          #13
                          no there isnt my country on list and even my government embassy says we dont need one and i entered without problem

                          Comment

                            #14
                            The Turkish government web page indicate that all tourists must have a visa, either an e-visa (the countries listed), paying visa fee upon entry or applying through the "missions ".
                            I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                            - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                            "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                            Comment

                              #15
                              but if my country isnt in the list I shouldn't worry, no? its weird because my government website doesnt say anything about this. My country is Slovenia. Can you check into it?

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