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    #1

    He wants more time to himself

    Hi,
    I met the love of my life 2 years ago, but we have never met in person. We just talk through emails and Instant Messaging. We don't usually skype anymore, we both prefer to write rather than speak, and his webcam broke.

    He told me today that he wants more time to himself.
    We used to talk everyday for an hour or so before he left for work. Then we'd usually write an email for each other to read when we either wake up or go to sleep.
    But he said that he doesn't want to IM anymore, just email sometimes and then chat for a little while on the weekend. He said that he thinks this is enough contact.
    He says he has no time for himself and that he misses it.

    I understand him, but I'm still a bit hurt. I feel like I'm a nuisance to him, and now I don't really feel like sending him an email in case I disturb him.
    He said nothing has changed in his heart and that he still loves me and will be around.

    Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
    Tags: None
    #2
    I have for the worst 3 months of my life. My boyfriend got a job that was in England, so he wouldn't have Internet access and couldn't message me. For a month I was okay. He would occasionally get on fb to leave me a message like on my birthday, but when he got back we fought. He said some hurtful things, I said some hurtful things and then he disappeared. He'd be gone for a week or a few days at a time I'd get a few messages and I'd go insane. I knew at the time I loved him and that it was going to be okay logically, but my heart didn't want to listen. My heart just wanted to hear his voice and have everything be okay. I found out later that he had been feeling a few fears about how serious we were getting and he had begun to experience an intense fear of death. He thought what he was doing was alright because he had no idea how much pain it put me through; I didn't tell him at the time. I should of told him, but I was stubborn. Finally after 2 months, I found him on a different server on our online game and got him to tell me what was wrong and told him that it hurt that he couldn't talk to me about it. It's just the way he has always been. He bottles it up or just goes to think. My suggestion for you is try and figure out what's going on. Don't be afraid of his answers. Explain that you are there for him and that if he needs to talk you will always be there for him. You can't force it or expect it. Let him have his time even though I know it hurts. It may even break your heart or give you ideas about to your relationship that are false. If you need someone to talk to about it I am here.

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      #3
      Cant you IM for like a couple of minutes a day at least? Going from 1hour to no time is harsh. I survived on about 5minutes a day of Skyping a day in high season, almost no texting too, it was hard. Still I have lived with him when he works, so I know the drill if his days. If he has no time to himself, he should have more, but you should also get what you need.
      I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
      - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



      "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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        #4
        I'm all for giving/respecting one's need for personal space, but "emailing from time to time" and chatting occasionally on the weekend is too little to call it a relationship. I mean that's how much I communicate with not-so-close friends. I understand that some couples get by on so little communication due to various circumstances, but you guys have never met, and never video-chat. If IM'ing and emailing is your only means of communication, then it's not enough. Unless YOU feel that it's enough, but clearly you don't, you are hurt. You need to make him understand that, but frankly I think he's just trying to let you down easy. Sorry.
        I thought of you and the years and all the sadness fell away from me - Pink Floyd

        Comment

          #5
          Originally posted by TwoThree View Post
          I'm all for giving/respecting one's need for personal space, but "emailing from time to time" and chatting occasionally on the weekend is too little to call it a relationship. I mean that's how much I communicate with not-so-close friends. I understand that some couples get by on so little communication due to various circumstances, but you guys have never met, and never video-chat. If IM'ing and emailing is your only means of communication, then it's not enough. Unless YOU feel that it's enough, but clearly you don't, you are hurt. You need to make him understand that, but frankly I think he's just trying to let you down easy. Sorry.
          This. Couldn't have said it better.

          There's not much point in being in a relationship with someone you never talk with, it kind of makes no sense. I get having some time to yourself, but is it really that much of a burden to read and send a quick message? When you love someone, you want to talk with them. I'm sorry hon, I agree with TwoThree, it doesn't sound good
          Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

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            #6
            I can tell you that LDRs are very hard,but the number 1 factor in a LDR or in any relationship is communication,if you don't have communication then you don't have anything,I talk to my so every day on face book,you make time to talk,no matter what,it sounds like your so is distancing himself from you,maybe you can talk for an hour,it's better then nothing.

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              #7
              I agree with the others. When you care about someone, you want to spend time with them. I think he is not really into it.
              "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. "
              Benjamin Franklin

              Comment

                #8
                Originally posted by Hollandia View Post
                I agree with the others. When you care about someone, you want to spend time with them. I think he is not really into it.
                Yeah I think the same too

                Comment

                  #9
                  Thank you for all your replies : )
                  He sent me this back when I told him how I felt. It helps a


                  I've felt so empty all day.
                  Deep down it is not that I wanted to die, I just wanted...to disappear.

                  As a million times before, I realized that there is no one and nothing that could be compared to You.
                  You are beautiful and amazing.
                  I wanted to write on You or just sending a pic in my morning, but I was in fear that maybe this would anger You more or would make You more sad.
                  I wasn't right about everything. I'm not perfect and I can comment on things on a hasty way, without properly explaining my words.
                  I want You to realize that You are not a problem, it is not about You.
                  It is Life. The one I have to live, either if it was me who chose it or was given, it is one that lacks time.
                  This doesn't make You 'guilty' and doesn't necessarly make me a victim.
                  It is just that sometimes when I write on You, I feel there are many things on my mind, yet I cannot keep on with voicing them due to tiredom or being late with something, while at the same time I know that this is what makes You happy.
                  To see me, and feel me, and just like You with me, I always wanted your happiness.
                  And yes, sometimes I just feel opressed by Life, not by You, no, by Life, that all I want is just to close my door and be blank, either if it is about reading something, calling someone, playing something, doing a short housework.
                  But this. This doesn't mean that I always feel that way. This doesn't mean that I want to spend alllll my weekdays without You.
                  There are easier ways to kill a man.
                  I call You a Reason for a reason.

                  Hey You :' )
                  Smile on, shine on <3
                  I'm happy with You.
                  Can You hear me? : )
                  I am happy with You.
                  Do You really think that I would ever, ever regret a single moment that I spent with You?
                  No, noooo <3
                  It was me who decided to spend all those times with You, and I did the right thing.
                  I was just following my own heart.
                  Those moments, all our stories we shared with each other, the arguments, the misunderstandings, the agreements, everything we just had, are part of my life, and beautiful memories.
                  And I want more than just memories.
                  I need no time to find myself.
                  And there is nothing to think about.
                  I love You and I obey my feelings.

                  How I feel?
                  What are my heart and mind telling me?
                  My mind, once again, is saying 'You are not going to survive this' and my heart is saying 'I feel disconnected. Take me home.'
                  I'm sorry and I just want to die knowing that You feel sad or embarassed. This is the worst.
                  Don't feel bad, my Rose, because You did nothing wrong, and don't feel embarassed, because You followed your heart.

                  And hah, about that 'my life being easier without You'...
                  Think again <3
                  What life?
                  Do You mean all the friends that have left me by time? Not that I had done otherwise, of course.
                  Or maybe just the meaningless jobs I ever had to do?
                  Or all the parties that always felt the same?
                  I know what Life is since You came.
                  Yes, it's been more than one and a half year.
                  I beg, steal, borrow and if I have to, die, for decades.
                  Shallow friends can be replaced, people come and go.
                  But not someone I feel so deeply connected with like I do with You.

                  I just want You to remember something.
                  Love doesn't depend on the amount of words. It is a feeling that comes from heart. It is a connection between two people.
                  Sad example, but imagine if You, or I, die tomorrow. Would it stop the other one to stop loving or thinking about the other?
                  No. All what would remain is a huge hole that cannot be filled.
                  We have decades, and some silent days cannot mean the end of anything.
                  Remember the old song, too.
                  I'm a believer.
                  I've been since many months.
                  And I will just be.

                  Only 9 hours have passed that You wrote me.
                  And I'm here.
                  Does this answer your question of how important You are and whether I could imagine a life without You?

                  Smile <3
                  Please, do.
                  Shine on.
                  Don't feel bad, don't feel sad, because I'm just happy of having You, knowing You being part of my life, and I wish I could give all my moments to You. I want my days to be 48 hrs long, and all this that I wish You were around me.
                  Or me, being there with You.

                  I love You.
                  Thank You for being the woman I love.
                  I cannot ask for better, more caring, more amazing one.
                  Don't be perfect, be yourself. Yet I will try to be perfect for You until my last day. :' )

                  Always. <3

                  Comment

                    #10
                    See. You will be fine sweetie. Just talk on here if you miss him because I am sure more than half of us miss ours hourly.

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