Is this relationship worth saving?

[blueheart]

I met my ld bf on a penpal site 4 years ago. We started out as friends then it quickly turned into something more because we had so much in common. he had a ld gf at the time who lived in the states but they broke up a year later due to problems in the relationship. 2 months later we decided to give it a go. I came to Jamaica with my mom because i have family living there and i also met him for the first time. Everything went well; the chemistry was the same and we fell for eachother pretty quickly. we were both 20 years old at the time. I didn't realize how much effort it would take to be in a ldr since i have never been in one before. i went on to visit him roughly every 4 months and each time the love became stronger. There was one issue though: he meets random girls online all over the world; he flirts; gives them his number and he adds them on his social media. we constantly have arguments over this and throughout the relationship there would always be another female in the picture. They all fall for him and try to start something with him but then he shuts them down and tells them that he has a gf. this has been going on quite a while and it even got bad to the point where last year i got into a huge fight with one of these girls and it put a huge strain on the relationship. he was telling this woman about me and my personal life and she even used this information against me in the argument. It hurt me so much that i admitted to cheating on him with a family friend while i came to Jamaica the second time during our relationship, just so he could feel hurt the way i did. It really took a toll on our relationship and we fought, broke up, got back together, fought. The trust just wasn't there. I remained faithful after that incident and the online flirting continued. We continued having fights over it and the last 3 visits to Jamaica turned violent. Whenever we would get into an argument; he would hit me. This started last summer. After the first incident he said it wouldn't happen again. The second time he said that i make him angry and he doesn't know what comes over him. The last time which was recent; we got into a huge fight because of something that happened previously and he kept it up and he hit me in my head; spat on me and called me fat and a whore. He then apologized and said that he's sorry and he wants us to get married and start a life in canada. He constantly tells me that he wants to have a baby with me and just start over in Canada to have a better life and help his parents since they are struggling. I am not going to act like i am perfect in this relationship because i'm not; i am not a good communicator and i tend to look for problems even if it's not there. But at the same time i feel that once a relationship becomes violent; it will not get better. This december will make 3 yrs since we have been together. for the past few days i've been trying to explain to him why i want to end it and he refuses to agree. He's planning a skype date with me later and i feel like its pointless. He claims he will take anger management classes to change his behaviour. Should i wait around and see if things get better? we were planning to get married early next year so we can finally end the distance and be together. or should i just end it from now?

[Dezface]

No it is not worth saving. He is abusive. Please leave this relationshsip now and don't look back. He is dangerous and it could very well escalate. Don't believe the "I'll get better" crap. He is not worth your life, which is what this relationshsip could end up costing you.

[JaneEmily]

You answered your own question. Once it turns violent there is no turning back. Please. Get out of that relationship! Even if you move to Canada he will still continue to hurt you physically and emotionally.

[Marmalade]

Please leave. An abusive relationship has its cycles. It may seem fine and perfect one day, but the next it could be violent. Violent people typically do not change unless they get the help they need, so please leave before it gets worse for you.

[Noodle]

Yes, please get out now. No one deserves to be in a relationship like this. He needs to be single and concentrate on himself if he really truly wants to get better. And it takes time. There will be no way he will be better by the time you plan to get married. So please don't put yourself in that situation, thinking he will change!

[Petals]

Please end this relationship! I am Jamaican and believe me, for many Jamaican men it's in their psyche to hit women and it is culturally acceptable for men to cheat. Sadly, many women accept it too. It's part of how they try to control women. In addition, he's more than flirting - he's cheating! I can bet he has local women too...

Sorry, but you deserve better! If you marry him and he migrates to Canada, he will do the same or even escalate- both the cheating and the abuse!

Walk away now!

There's a reason I don't date my fellow country men!

[snow]

You don't need his agreement to end this relationship! He hit you, he spat on you and he called you nasty stuff, you owe him nothing.

Let me ask you this: If you got married and you had kids, would you want him to hit them too? It is a small step from hitting a woman to hitting a child. Protect yourself.

[differentcountries]

He says he WILL take anger management classes.... So he has not as of yet taken one. This is not going to end well unless you leave.

[p_b82]

I agree with the statements above get out while you can. this relationship is not good for you.

IMO hitting a woman is not acceptable; and if you are fighting that hard that you are 'making him' do it, he is not taking responsibility for it himself and will always blame you for the his aggression.

[Sanja]

Sorry hun, the first time a man hits you and says I'm sorry, get outta there. More often than not, it will happen again and with each time it only gets worse. Save yourself and get out!

[TaraMarie]

I don't think you will find a single person who will tell you to stay. You don't hit women. Period. End of story. And It's not YOUR FAULT he hits you. Real men never touch a woman in anger. If you had a daughter or a little sister, would you want any man to lay a hand on them in anger? If you were MY daughter I would never allow you to see him again. Don't even bother telling him why. Cut off all communication. Heal yourself, then you will find someone deserving of your love. And look for someone close. Not everyone is cut out for long distance. Good luck!

[blueheart]

Thank-you to everyone who took the time out to read and answer my question. I ended the relationship this morning due to me finding a sexual convo with him and a random girl on skype. I realized a lot and i am truly hurt during this time. Somethings were just not meant to be.

[snow]

I'm sorry you are hurting. Take care of yourself! It will take time to heal, but I am sure there is someone out there for you who is going to treat you the way you should be treated. Be good to yourself!