When long distance gets too hard to bear....

[MissingMyDutchLove]

My boyfriend and I have been together a year but long distance for 5 months of it. We still have two more months until we can see each other again. These last 5 months have been really hard, but manageable. Lately, I'm feeling like I can't do it anymore though. I miss him so incredibly much. My heart just hurts every time I talk to him. I don't want to break up; even being long distance, I am very much in love with him. However, sometimes I just feel like I can't do this. I can't keep missing him so much. I can't keep hurting this way. I know we only have two more months left and that we've made it through the worst of it, but every day seems to hurt more and more. Has anyone felt like this before?

I'm also so scared. I won't have seen him for 7 months at the end of this and then we'll be together constantly. I'm moving to his country for about six months for school. What if we've changed in that 7 months? What if it doesn't feel like us anymore? I'm terrified to make it through this unbearable time apart only to break up once i'm there.

Any thoughts, advice, or experiences that you've been through? No one understands this pain except for those who have been through it.

[Lea-le-Lea]

I feel like the pain comes in waves. And for me, when I'm in that low, it feels like I'll never get out of it. You absolutely positively have to stay busy and positive. My boyfriend has only been away for two months, and there will be two more months until I see him again, and the entire time, I've been going to school full time, and working near full time. I only have ONE day that I'm not busy at all, and even then I do my best to stay busy. A ride to the store on a bike, I exercise. A part of staying emotionally healthy is linked with being physically healthy as well.

I'm also closing the distance with my SO at the end of this time apart. I'll be going over there on a visa and staying for a year, and after which we'll have worked out where we're going and staying permanently. It will be worth it I promise. Don't let the negative thoughts get to you. I did for an entire month and a half after he left, and only barely put away my suitcase from our travels together, a couple of weeks ago. I slept away the days, I cried for hours some days, but you gotta suck it up. I know it sounds harsh, but I know you can do it. And you've gotta know that you can do it too.

It sucks. It's hard. But if you love him as much as you say you do, and I believe you, then it will be very much worth it. Let all the negative thoughts and worries go.

Best of luck xx

[Redheart14]

I think the above post says it all. Try keep yourself busy I know it's easier said than done.

[abna1]

Stay strong! You've definitely made it through the worst of it. These remaining two months will go by so fast and just keep in mind that you'll be closing the distance (temporarily?) after this. That's great news!
We've also been apart for 8 months twice. It's difficult, but because we communicated a lot, it never felt like we had grown apart. We just couldn't believe that we were together again for the first few days.
Wish you all the best

[p_b82]

hang in there, my GF is suffering with the post visit blues and her way of coping was to shut herself off from me, as it was hurting her to think about me but not being there.... needless to say she did not think how that would affect me!

You have made it through the worst, and try to remain positive and look towards the future, and remind yourslf that the good times will be ahead and focus on remembering how good you feel together, not how sad you feel when apart.

[differentcountries]

Yes, you can keep hurting this way. It is not going to kill you. You can be sad like we are all sad. And do you know what? If you open up your heart it can become soft. You are still the same. He is still the same. Whatever changes you go through, use the time now to get to know each other. Knowing each other online can be a bliss. We actually struggle now because we see each other TOO soon, so we go all the time between CD and LD, that is really stressful and not seing him in person you don't have to do that. You can indulge in all the things that you have time for; making him gifts, writing him letters, engange in school/work, see your friends a lot, work out, you can have skype dates where you talk a lot and so on.

We have been long distance for our entire relationship. Yes, two months can feel like a lifetime but at least you have an end date for it! How abouot you make it to a countdown together? Like every day ticking off a day less until you see him, you can even make a physical calender of it, for yourself or him or both of you. I have made my SO lots of countdown calenders (usually with compliments for him - I think they are called Encouragment Calenders on YouTube), they are fun to make and fun to receive (make sure you can track the package if you send one!). It can even be fun to make simple cross out calenders on the backside of a romantic postcard with a plain black pen...

I usually go between feeling numb, feeling lots of pain and feeling extatic that I have met him. The feelings are connected, of course. But what you want to do is add a bit of the extatic part, so that even connecting over the distance feels great. How about asking new questions? If the old "How is life/work today" gets stale, perhaps something new altogether. Invite him to explore with you.

I have no idea when I can close the distance with my SO, if at all. We are even hoping and praying he can come her for a tourist visa for a month -he got rejected last time. Learning how to live with uncertainty is incredibly hard for me, that is not something that is easy for me to do. I would love to have an end date, that would serve my instict to always have a PLAN! But I am learning you can't plan for all in life, and you can't always feel strong. So I have learned how to live with myself when I feel not so strong, or even weak, and I find that I can live with myself this way, too. I can take care of my life, still. I can work out, eat, sleep, be social, study, have fun watching standup online. Part of it is just faking it until you make it - when you engage in new things, or maintain old habits that are good, that will serve you and bring you forward. I struggle with the negative thoughts, too. Sometimes I wonder how I will make it, financially, emotionally. The greatest thing about it is, after this whole year, I still don't know. It seems I am doing it little by little. I guess you do too. Hang in there. Every day is a day closer. Cry a little, wipe your tears and hold your head high.

[Petals]

Two months left!? Giiiirrrrrrl! Not to discount your feelings, but count your blessings!

Turn your sadness into happiness! Think about all the things you will do when you are finally together and create a plan. This period of distance will make your relationship stronger if you think positively and learn not to take each other for granted.

I know even one day away from your partner is too much, but put things into perspective and focus on the positives. You will see and touch him in 8 measly weeks! create a countdown and think " one day closer!"

One day closer girl! In no time you will be in his arms! I'm totally jealous

[Redheart14]

Two months left!? Giiiirrrrrirl! Not to discount your feelings, but count your blessings!

Turn your sadness into happiness! Think about all the things you will do when you are finally together and create a plan. This period of distance will make your relationship stronger if you think positively and learn not to take each other for granted.

I know even one day away from your partner is two much, but put things into perspective and focus on the positives. You will see, touch him in 8 measly weeks! create a countdown and think " one day closer!"

One day closer girl! In no time you will be in his arms! I'm totally jealous

Well said

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Thank you all for your responses. I was having a particularly tough night since it was a very special day for my SO and I couldn't be there. I'm sure you all know the feeling. Thank you for all of your support and encouragement. This was my first post in a moment of desperation, but I am so glad. I have a lot of worries and fears for the future, many of those due to my unusual (well I guess not to unusual because all of you are in the same situation) relationship. I have great support in my family, but at the end of the day no one in my family understands the fear and utter pain that comes from the love of your life being across the world and your only source of communication is skype. I try to count my blessings everyday that I met him, but it gets tough. So, I guess what i'm trying to say is thank you all from the bottom of my heart. It is amazing to be a part of a community of people who UNDERSTAND! That's something that I haven't experienced yet in my LDR. They all think they understand, but two weeks apart isn't exactly the same as 8 months or longer. So thank you for helping me through a rough patch and I hope that I will be able to do the same for you all in the future!

[Petals]

Thank you all for your responses. I was having a particularly tough night since it was a very special day for my SO and I couldn't be there. I'm sure you all know the feeling. Thank you for all of your support and encouragement. This was my first post in a moment of desperation, but I am so glad. I have a lot of worries and fears for the future, many of those due to my unusual (well I guess not to unusual because all of you are in the same situation) relationship. I have great support in my family, but at the end of the day no one in my family understands the fear and utter pain that comes from the love of your life being across the world and your only source of communication is skype. I try to count my blessings everyday that I met him, but it gets tough. So, I guess what i'm trying to say is thank you all from the bottom of my heart. It is amazing to be a part of a community of people who UNDERSTAND! That's something that I haven't experienced yet in my LDR. They all think they understand, but two weeks apart isn't exactly the same as 8 months or longer. So thank you for helping me through a rough patch and I hope that I will be able to do the same for you all in the future!

We definitely understand what you are going through. We all have those days where we feel like - "I can't do this anymore!"

The good thing is that though we cry and allow ourselves to wallow in self-pity for a bit, we shake it off and we keep going. We ignore the negative voice that tries to take hold and we think positively because we have a found someone that is worthy of our sacrifices.

[butterfly712]

My boyfriend and I have been together a year but long distance for 5 months of it. We still have two more months until we can see each other again. These last 5 months have been really hard, but manageable. Lately, I'm feeling like I can't do it anymore though. I miss him so incredibly much. My heart just hurts every time I talk to him. I don't want to break up; even being long distance, I am very much in love with him. However, sometimes I just feel like I can't do this. I can't keep missing him so much. I can't keep hurting this way. I know we only have two more months left and that we've made it through the worst of it, but every day seems to hurt more and more. Has anyone felt like this before?

I'm also so scared. I won't have seen him for 7 months at the end of this and then we'll be together constantly. I'm moving to his country for about six months for school. What if we've changed in that 7 months? What if it doesn't feel like us anymore? I'm terrified to make it through this unbearable time apart only to break up once i'm there.

Any thoughts, advice, or experiences that you've been through? No one understands this pain except for those who have been through it.

I understand completly,I feel the same way every day,I hate being so far away from my bf,but I know that we will be together forever one day,and that's what were striving for.

[lovelike]

We ignore the negative voice that tries to take hold and we think positively because we have a found someone that is worthy of our sacrifices.

YES, this is important.

[differentcountries]

It is so important to laugh together. Not like oh-I-will-wear-a-brave-face-broad-smile, but just being relaxed and having fun with things that are not that funny or clever, it is just about being THERE in the moment, when you don't even know WHY it is funny, but you have to laugh together. Then we are as close as if we were in the same room, if not more.

[Starjasmin]

I am glad you turned to the forum for support. That is what we are all here for, to give it and to receive it. It helps me, reading all the responses to your original post, in that I have felt the weight of the distance like you overwhelm me, and everyone's encouraging words to you inspire me. I hope you are feeling better! Like the others said, two months will go by quickly. And don't live in your head full of what ifs. Focus on your current relationship, your current interactions. Have faith in the love that you two share that has helped you through the difficult months behind you.
I myself am terrible at keeping busy. Especially when I have so much time on my hands. But even when I'm busy at work. I still spend so much time thinking about him. It doesn't help that I know he has a lot of free time since he's out of work now and I, irrationally, think, why can't we just chat all day every since we're both free? Because we both need our own lives and interests. Ironically, sort of, I've turned to writing blogs on here about us. Haha. Even though I'm still thinking of him, it's a way for me to vent and write, which I used to love to do, and make friends with the lovely people on here. So I agree with all the other posts, keep busy, but I need to take that advice myself!
Wishing you well!!