Painful to meet/talk - how to stay positive in communication?

[eta-carinae]

Hey guys! I was wondering if anyone feels the same way as I do and would be interested in learning about your experiences.

We are in a LDR across the Atlantic (4700 miles and 8-hour time difference) and both have busy, stressful jobs, which don't leave any free time. We've been together for a year before the LDR and then for 2 years in a LDR. Now I'm looking for a job in his country, but not very successfully so far.

During these 2 years I visited him 3 times. Seeing each other for a short period of time and then leaving is very sad, especially because it's super hard to take a vacation and I never know when we'll see each other again. In fact, it's so painful that I don't feel like going again.

At first we often skyped, but now we only whatsapp from time to time. The reason is the same - it's exciting to see each other, but then it reminds us how far we are and it's just so painful. I know he feels the same way, and when I'm sad I began avoiding even whatsapping him, because I don't want him to feel this pain too. I'm afraid we will just slowly dissappear from the lives of each other.

I think it's not how it's supposed to be. I was wondering if you also feel this pain even from the slightest reminder of the distance. How do you manage to continue the communication and keep it positive?

[Petals]

Hey guys! I was wondering if anyone feels the same way as I do and would be interested in learning about your experiences.

We are in a LDR across the Atlantic (4700 miles and 8-hour time difference) and both have busy, stressful jobs, which don't leave any free time. We've been together for a year before the LDR and then for 2 years in a LDR. Now I'm looking for a job in his country, but not very successfully so far.

During these 2 years I visited him 3 times. Seeing each other for a short period of time and then leaving is very sad, especially because it's super hard to take a vacation and I never know when we'll see each other again. In fact, it's so painful that I don't feel like going again.

At first we often skyped, but now we only whatsapp from time to time. The reason is the same - it's exciting to see each other, but then it reminds us how far we are and it's just so painful. I know he feels the same way, and when I'm sad I began avoiding even whatsapping him, because I don't want him to feel this pain too. I'm afraid we will just slowly dissappear from the lives of each other.

I think it's not how it's supposed to be. I was wondering if you also feel this pain even from the slightest reminder of the distance. How do you manage to continue the communication and keep it positive?

The distance is HARD; there's no doubt about that! You have to change your attitude to make it just a little easier. It is pointless pulling away from each other when what you both need is each other. That attitude is counterproductive and will only create more DISTANCE. Who needs more distance in a long distance relationship?

Feeling the emotions and dealing with them appropriately strengthens the relationship. Allow yourself to feel the love you have for each other, but do not allow yourself to drown in self-pity. You have done 2 yrs already and there's light at the end of the tunnel - be each others rock until the distance is closed. the race is usually harder the closer you are to the finish line- hang in there.

Attitude adjustment is in order girl!

[rhabdoviridae]

The pain of separating again after a visit is always the worst. However, in my particular case, and it sounds like yours as well, there's an end point to the distance. That keeps me going even when I miss him terribly, even when I have to say goodbye and drop him at the airport. Then I throw myself back into what keeps me busy.

Keep looking for jobs. Remind yourself that the distance is not forever. Remember that you may be hurting him by withdrawing too much - talk about your reasoning and feelings with him so that he understands at least what you're thinking. Distance is so difficult, and it requires huge strength of character. Don't let the goodbyes ruin the good times.

[Petals]

Don't let the goodbyes ruin the good times.

I love this statement. It is so powerful!

[MissingMyDutchLove]

As others have said, long distance never is easy! In my particular situation, I have so many ups and downs. Some days you feel like it's no big deal and others it is the end of the world. With that being said, my SO and I try to skype every day. Even if it's just for a couple of minutes, being able to see each other and laugh and share about our days really helps. I understand the feeling of "out of sight, out of mind" in the standpoint that it's easier to just not have the deal with it. The thing is you have to deal with it! You can't run from your relationship. You have to face this head-on, otherwise you won't make it. If you don't keep that bond by skyping and having "dates" and communicating the little things from your day, it's going to be even harder to feel connected and the pain will be even worse. Don't let your fear keep you from being happy. You've already made it so far! Keep trying to close the distance. I really think that once you have a set date or at least a plan for closing the distance it'll get easier to see each other since you know that there is an end to it! Don't give up! You can do it!

I'm dealing with the idea of being long distance for another year after our first in an LDR. As someone told me, you've already made it this far! What's another year in the scheme of thing? Yes, it'll be hard, but you're getting closer and closer every day to being together!

[rhabdoviridae]

I love this statement. It is so powerful!

thanks!

[eta-carinae]

Thank you friends for your words of support!