Another year of long distance

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Well guys, I'm back again. We've been getting closer and closer to closing the gap and it's been getting easier and easier with each passing day knowing that we only have two months to go. ...but lately my mind has been working overtime again. See, I can't stand not thinking about and planning the future. I HAVE TO KNOW WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN! Being realistic, that just can't happen in a LDR. Yeah, we have an idea, but I have no idea where I'm going to be once I finish school, so how can he know when he's moving countries for me?

So long story short, I've been trying to plan what happens after we have to part from temporarily closing the gap. The way I figure, we're going to have at least another year long distance before permanently closing the gap, whether he moves here or not. He's done with his school a semester before I'm done with mine. If he joins me in my city while I finish my last semester then he most definitely will have to stay while I go onto another city in order to continue the next phase of my schooling. He could join me in my new city, but I won't know where I'm going to end up until he already has his masters and is looking for a job. So we basically have two options: he stays in his country another 6 months and then tries to find work here in the city I will be in or he comes here right away and then we face being long distance for potentially a very long time. At least in that situation we'd be in the same country, but it still will be hard to still be long distance even if its a shorter distance.

So I guess this is just my ramble as I'm trying to cope with the fact that after we part we will have a minimum of a year long distance in our future. Anybody else have to deal with the stupid logistics getting in the way? Your plans don't match up, and you're trying to piece together a future together. The last six months have been hard enough being long distance, but I can't imagine doing another year plus. Especially since we will be living together while we temporarily close the gap.

[Ahava]

Done 2 years, got 10+ to do. What's one year? :P

You can't plan everything before hand. It's good to make plans but also good to be prepared they might not work out, things happen, life comes in the way.
He might not be able to find a job within the six months before you graduate. Or if he does he can still look for another job in the area you will be in.
Then again half a year is really nothing compared to the rest of your lives you will be spending together.

[JaneEmily]

Think of it this way, you've already done a year and another year isn't likely to damage your chances of having a successful LDR. I think you need to sit down with your SO and discuss ideally how long you'd be prepared to wait to close the distance (and if it goes beyond that timeline, will you be happy to hold to wait?), so that your plans ARE on the same page instead of being like "well we could do this...hey! I finish school then...but then you continue then, and we could fit temporal CD here...", I think you guys need to outline a clearer plan than that sort of thing.

I'd kill to have just a 2yr LDR then CD, so I'm jealous you only have a potential of one year to go :P Me and my SO are still out in the middle of the ocean trying to figure out if we'll even be able to close the distance next year after 3yrs of LD, and may have to push it back to 2016 if finances had their way :P

Keep your chin up. And keep thinking of the positives. Sure, it's disheartening to have another year....but you know you can survive one year, what's another 12 months right in such an early relationship that is still growing? It'll only strengthen your emotional bond and make you a stronger person with set backs imo ^_^ LDR's are hard work and very tough on the emotions and patience of a person, but regardless of your time frame - it'll be worth it. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here

[MissingMyDutchLove]

I'd kill to have just a 2yr LDR then CD, so I'm jealous you only have a potential of one year to go :P Me and my SO are still out in the middle of the ocean trying to figure out if we'll even be able to close the distance next year after 3yrs of LD, and may have to push it back to 2016 if finances had their way :P

It's helpful to hear other perspectives, especially from others who are experiencing the same thing but for even longer. I can't imagine being in a 3 or 4 year (or even longer) LDR. How do you handle it? It's hardest when there are exciting things that are happening. I'd kill to be able to celebrate anniversaries, birthdays, and graduations with the man that I love. Any tips for surviving long distance for years? I know in the scheme of things it's not that long, but I really only mentally prepared myself for a LDR that was 7 months long since I knew we were temporarily closing the distance. How do you prepare yourself for the fact that it could be years before you're able to celebrate your birthday with the person that you love?

[JaneEmily]

It's helpful to hear other perspectives, especially from others who are experiencing the same thing but for even longer. I can't imagine being in a 3 or 4 year (or even longer) LDR. How do you handle it? It's hardest when there are exciting things that are happening. I'd kill to be able to celebrate anniversaries, birthdays, and graduations with the man that I love. Any tips for surviving long distance for years? I know in the scheme of things it's not that long, but I really only mentally prepared myself for a LDR that was 7 months long since I knew we were temporarily closing the distance. How do you prepare yourself for the fact that it could be years before you're able to celebrate your birthday with the person that you love?

Well to be fair, I try to think of the fact that when I do get to share special moments like that, that it'll be better than ever. I haven't celebrated any of my birthday's physically with my SO yet, and we only just managed to celebrate Valentine's Day and his birthday for the first time physically (both of them) this year thanks to my parents helping out with the fare. It does get tough, but if you keep thinking of how wonderful it will be when you do get those moments to be together then you'll find yourself feeling a lot happier, sure it's not perfect preparation but it helps, it's much better than "oh...another year not being able to share a moment we are celebrating sigh...." which will just make you feel depressed and dread spending them apart.

The not being able to spend those moments together will even themselves out though eventually, it just requires a ton of patience. For example, me and my SO have got to spend the last two yearly anniversaries for a week - two weeks together, but this year we just couldn't spend it together because we're trying to make a visit for 3weeks during Christmas happen. Yeah, it sucked a ton, but instead of us wallowing around (like we suspected we might do) - we just did best as we could on our anniversary with spending time together Skyping but making it feel more special (there are some great tips around for Skype dates). It will happen if you have enough patience and perseverance, it may seem like a long time but it's better than not being with them at all ^_^