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wanna give up, but i just can't( china&US)

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    wanna give up, but i just can't( china&US)

    hey,guys,this is my first post here.
    we met on a random video website on 2012/04/01.We had a lot fun talking, and both of us were so excited to meet each other. At the time we were all at the first year of our college. Because of the distance, we agreed to be friends. Then we kept talking until January 2014, I finally got this chance to be an exchange student in US. I went to his city directly to meet him in person, instead of going to my school with my friends. It was great to meet in person, and he introduced me to his parents as a friend. But after two or three days he asked me to be his girlfriend, so we started to hold hands in front of his parents. His family was really nice too, especially his mom. His mom prepared two set of groceries for us taking to school. And we went to his aunt’s house for dinner.

    After like 5 days, I had to go to my school at US, also he had to go back to school a day later than mine. Then he drove me to my school for like 8 hours, set up everything for me, drove back by himself, which was really sweet of him. We kinda started a long distance relationship in US. Because that was his last semester, he was so busy with everything. During his spring break that was two month later after we met, he had to fly around for interviews. Then my spring break was a week later, he drove to my school. We stayed a night, and then went to his school. I stayed with him at his school for a week. And I met his friends, we hung out together. His friends were nice too. The first night we got there, we were invited to have dinner with them. There was a girl whose boyfriend is Chinese too was telling me that she has heard a lot about me. She spent a lot time with me afterwards, which I really enjoyed. At the end of the break, I bought a ticket flying back. I had to transfer at his hometown, so his dad picked me up at bus station, and give me a ride to airport.

    After another two months, I left my school right after I finished finals because of his graduation ceremony. I went to his parents place by bus. We prepared something for his graduation, and then his parents drove to his school with his cousin in the car too. His parents and relatives stayed at school for like 4 days, we didn’t get much time alone. After they all left school, we only stay 3 extra days there. I had to leave the states a month later.

    Then we came back to his parents’ house, his mom even prepared a room for me. We had a lot of family activities together. Sometimes it’s four of us, sometimes it’s three of us. And that was all really nice. The relationship with his parents was easy, they liked me. And we had some travelling too, just the two of us. We drove to Niagara falls, we took a bus to new York, we went to DC a couple of times ( because DC is close to his house). Everything was great.

    Then I had to go back to my country. At the time he had already got a job. I went back home, it was too hard for me to leave him. And he has always been caring, and he kept calling me after I left to make sure I got home safely. But he barely called me after that, which lead to a big fight. With all the sorrow and pressure, I said broke up , and he got hurt . He said he didn't want to break up. I just couldn’t understand that if he still wants to be with me, why he never called?

    At the time, I really wanted to give up, though I really love him. But thinking about all the efforts I put on us, I don’t think it’s worthy. Also there were some dramas that made me exhausted. Actually before we met in person, there were some hard times that I wanted to give up already. I didn’t know what was going on, he was just saying that it's not gonna work out. Then when I got there, he confessed to me that during that period he was friends with benefits with another Chinese girl who was studying at his school. I was heartbroken, but I forgave him, because he wasn’t my boyfriend. Also things about other Chinese girls, I am also a little bit concerned if he has Asian fetish, which he denied.

    So I wrote a long story about us, finally get to talk about current situation. So he is working at US now, and the job is pretty good. I am back at china studying for the last year. And I will graduate next June. And he wants me to move to his country after graduation. He first thought about me studying master degree in US. But the problem I don’t have enough time applying for next fall, also my parents won’t be able to pay for it completely. And if I don't get to do master there, it’s quite hard to get Visa to America, though he offered to buy me round tickets visiting him. And he is not thinking about marriage now.

    I don’t know how to maintain this relationship now, because he is not being proactive. Though every time I call, we’d talk for a long time, and he doesn’t want hang up, also he doesn’t think it’s a problem that who calls. However I hate always to be the one who calls, if I don’t call him, we won’t be talking for like 3 or 4 days, which is hard for me. And about the future, he only gives me the choice that is kind of not realistic, rather than really thinking about a solution to figure it out together. Most of the time, I feel like I am fighting for us all by myself. I am also having a lot of things to do, like get a job( which means I will be working in china, and he won’t move work here), study GRE( still hope I could do master there),graduate (because one semester of exchange , I left some courses behind).

    Only two good things are 1) he promised he will come attend my graduation ceremony in 7 months no matter what and 2) I have been talking to his mom every week (talk randomly & study bible, she is religious, I am just interested in bible) .now I am struggling in the long distance thing, I really love him. I don’t know should I give up, and how to give up. So if any one read though whole post very much patiently, I hope you could give me some thoughts about it.
    Last edited by ftang; October 28, 2014, 09:44 AM.

    #2
    Hi there,

    Your post is a little bit hard to read because its such a long text without white in between. Maybe you could adjust it a little bit?

    I do understand that you are having a hard time with it aswell. Maybe we could PM and talk about it a little? I understand that you feel a little bit pressured and feel like you are the one working really hard for this relationship, and he is not?

    Comment


      #3
      thank you for the suggestion,i have adjusted it.
      I don't think he is puting much efforts on it ,that's why i am struggling. If given some faith, long distance won't be a problem for me .

      Comment


        #4
        thank you for the suggestion,i have adjusted it.
        I don't think he is puting much efforts on it ,that's why i am struggling. If given some faith, long distance won't be a problem for me .

        Comment

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