How to deal with the goodbyes?

[NadWil]

Hey guys,
My SO and I have been together for just about a year now and today we had to say goodbye for the 4th time…And I still don't know how to deal with it- it doesn't really get better and I wish there was something I could do to cope with it easier! I just feel like someone punched me in the stomach, I am so sad and feel so alone now..Just when I got used to him, he had to leave again! I have to sleep in an empty bed tonight for the first time in 2.5 weeks and everything here reminds me of him..

I know that I will get used to being apart again, but it's so hard to go through these extreme periods of seeing each other 24/7 for weeks and then not seeing each other at all for an even longer period! It's such a radical transition every time.. And it doesn't matter that we will see each other again in 5 weeks (the shortest time apart so far), it just makes me feel miserable to be all alone again suddenly.

The 2.5 months we were apart before he came to visit me this time, we both focused on our goals and on improving ourselves to become the best version of ourselves when we see each other again. That was good because we had something to work on before our reunion. We worked out, ate healthy, I focused on school..and we both felt really good knowing that we are making an effort for each other! I think that was a good strategy to cope with being alone! But that doesn't make it easier to adapt to this new situation again- I still have to go through a few days of sickening pain..

How do you guys deal with the goodbyes? Did you find anything that made it easier?

[TaraMarie]

I suck at goodbyes. And we see each other two or four times a month! I got home yesterday, and will see him again a week from Friday, yet I am miserable. And it's been going on for two and a half years! It doesn't get easier. Somehow, you learn to cope, and if it's worth it you just deal with it. I wish I had some advice for you....

[rhabdoviridae]

After numerous goodbyes over almost four years of distance, I don't think goodbyes ever really get easier. The best you can do is keep yourself as busy as possible and look forward to your next visit. Hang in there!

[Petals]

I think the closer you become the harder goodbyes are! Last time, I cried so hard and was the last to board the flight. It took me a few weeks to be fully functional again and I just threw myself into a lot of activities to distract myself. It also helped that SO didn't encourage the moping around. He told be firmly to suck it up and do what we have to do for the time being, because he can't function properly if he knows I am struggling so much.

I still sleep on the couch because my bed is too big and empty.


I do fairly well with the distance because we are taking steps to close the distance. If we didn't have any kind of end date, I would go nuts!

Hang in there! Some days are harder than others...just force yourself to adjust...give yourself a deadline to feel self-pity. Thereafter, give yourself a swift kick up the butt and get on with life.

[NadWil]

It's disappointing that there really isn't a strategy to make it easier…I don't like these ups and downs and being at the mercy of my emotions. It's such a tough test of our love and strength, but I guess the only thing to make it better is to work on closing the distance! I can't wait to finally move somewhere with him and not having to say goodbye anymore!

[differentcountries]

I deal ok with it as long as there is a structure. I prefer to have the date booked for next visit, when we can't it is hard. I wish there was something like an end date in sight, but it is too early for anything like that. I just focus on working, studying and getting my economy sorted out, and for him to finish his school and stop smoking. And the cat. That cat makes me so happy, even just seeing her on Skype.

[Cristiana]

We use the having-a-date-for-the-next-visit method too. We know somehow when we're going to meet again and goodbyes get a bit easier. But they are not and I think they'll never be, we just have to "get used" to them.

I think my SO finds it a lot easier than me, since we're never in the same (shitty) mood when he has to leave and he begins to miss me after a week or so; I miss him right when he walks away and the first weeks are the worst ones for me. Then I begin to have my days busy and my mind on something else, and he begins to think continuously of me and to miss me.

[Redheart14]

My SO hid little notes for each other around the house so we'd find things along the way. We also had a letter to read on the plane home. Before one of us leaves we organise our next meeting. We also Skype that night we return home. There's no easy way. I feel bad at the airport as I'm a blubbering mess. My SO gets some horrible looks as I think some people must think he's upset me or something. So I try my hardest to hold back the tears until I'm in the car on my own.

[differentcountries]

I have sometimes made him countdown calenders. We usually don't skype for 48 hours because I arrive past midnight and usually the next day I am both busy and sad and he is usually very moody. After almost two days he starts to miss me more than he is upset that I left, so then it is good to Skype. I have written him letters and books, but he will do his processing thing so he will actually not read them before a couple of weeks has passed. I know the cat helps him cope, he adores her.