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so many things gone wrong but I cant let go

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    #1

    so many things gone wrong but I cant let go

    Hi first off im glad their are ppl that understand what going through this is like, the ups and downs together. My story is long but I need advice desperately from ppl who understand...I live in Florida and my so lives in Spain weve been talking for 2 years now and no we haven't met. The thing is ive been married for 18 and have 4 kids. My.marriage has been hell he has cheated on me left and right and yes I use to love him but I know I dont anymore, to much damage done. My husband has changed somewhat but its to late because I cant stop wishing I was with this other person that lives on the other side of the world instead ...the thing is this guy also lied to me he was also in a relationship for 16 years with no kids and I never found out till a year later through facebook of course. Anyways they've been broken up 8 months now and shes in a new relationship because she found out about me....I feel like liar and I am one because So doesnt know I still live with my husband for convenience because of custom or the kids I dont know but im terrified that he does find out and I end up losing everything my house my kids and the person I love ( my ldr)...,sorry so long had to vent. My So in Spain says he loves me and plans to come here to see me but ive been hearing that for 2 years and personally I have more to lose than he does but I am so in love with this person that I hang on to hope so tight I cant let go.
    Last edited by lizzy173; November 10, 2014, 11:58 PM.
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    #2
    I believe honesty is the best policy. I'd tell him, if he finds out another way like you found out about his relationship through Facebook it'll only make things worse.

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      #3
      You have to give up one of them, IMO.
      sigpic

      I love him. Forever. And every day after that.

      Comment

        #4
        Originally posted by TaraMarie View Post
        You have to give up one of them, IMO.
        That's what im afraid of giving up the wrong one, I know who my heart wants just dont want to make a mistake because my life involves my kids. It's very hard due to the fact that because SO lied in the past its hard for me to trust that his feelings are genuine.

        Comment

          #5
          Sounds to me like you are in a web of lies on all fronts. Are you sure you need to stay with either of them?
          I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
          - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



          "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
            Sounds to me like you are in a web of lies on all fronts. Are you sure you need to stay with either of them?
            Yes you are right it's a web of lies and all parts and im not sure myself if I should be with either one. I never felt so guilty before in my life never did I cheat once on my husband although it was well deserved for what he put me through for so many years...my issue with my SO from Spain is that he loves his country so much im not sure he will ever come.

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              #7
              It is also possible he has already caught on to your living situation.
              I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
              - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



              "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

              Comment

                #8
                Originally posted by lizzy173 View Post
                That's what im afraid of giving up the wrong one, I know who my heart wants just dont want to make a mistake because my life involves my kids. It's very hard due to the fact that because SO lied in the past its hard for me to trust that his feelings are genuine.
                Hi there,

                I'm not trying to be mean but it seems neither of these men is right for you. Don't get a divorce because of another man. You need to cut ties with the Spanish guy and decide what you want where your marriage is concerned.

                As another poster said, you are in a web of deceit. You are likely to make poor choices in this mental state.

                Get counseling, gain perspective then make the best choice for you and your children.
                Met Online : July 2013
                Met in person : April - May 2014 (3 wks)
                2nd visit : June - August 2014 (2 months)
                3rd visit : December - Jan (2wks)
                Proposal : December 2014
                Closed distance : February 2015
                Married : April 5, 2015


                Comment

                  #9
                  Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
                  It is also possible he has already caught on to your living situation.
                  No I dont think so it sounds horrible but ive become a good liar and my husband works out of town and is never here maybe thats why I run to spaniard because I feel alone most of the time...so I have all the time in the world to talk with him

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Hi maybe your right and yes I feel like I should not leave my husband for something uncertain or someone ive never seen before but the feelings are there and its hard...very hard

                    Comment

                      #11
                      i think you need to concentrate on your kids at this time and when you're ready for a new relationship go for it. all of you have lied to each other at some point in time and i don't believe that it's a good way to start a relationship or continue with one.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Originally posted by barb757 View Post
                        i think you need to concentrate on your kids at this time and when you're ready for a new relationship go for it. all of you have lied to each other at some point in time and i don't believe what it's a good way to start a relationship or continue with one.
                        Thank you for your advice...I think after so many lies your right its not gonna work out. What starts bad ends bad unfortunately

                        Comment

                          #13
                          I don't understand why didn't you tell him the truth in the beginning when you started talking.
                          I second Barb757 you should forget about the "online affair" and concentrate on your kids and husband.
                          Sort it out with him if you too are going to stay together for the kids and try to make it work or get a clean divorce.
                          This should be done without any other people involved, just the two of you.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Originally posted by Ahava View Post
                            I don't understand why didn't you tell him the truth in the beginning when you started talking.
                            I second Barb757 you should forget about the "online affair" and concentrate on your kids and husband.
                            Sort it out with him if you too are going to stay together for the kids and try to make it work or get a clean divorce.
                            This should be done without any other people involved, just the two of you.
                            Hi there, well actually my online affair knew I was married but separated at the time. It's a long crazy story...my husband and I were separated for that whole first year we talked I was doing fine until I lost my job so I went back for financial support it was a mistake but here I am. The spaniard lied to me the whole year that he even had a gf I guess out of being scared to get out of something he had so long over someone he never even met, I can relate there. Even though I did not appreciate his lies one bit. I would definitely leave my husband for him if he would've made at least the effort to come see me and meet but as of today he hasn't done that due to financial circumstances so he says. Its hard to let go of someone you love and its easier said than done.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              If you want to stop the circle of lies, start with yourself.
                              I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                              - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                              "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                              Comment

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