getting married in order to be together

[Wolv]

Closing the distance while in an international relationship is extremely difficult, but not impossible. My advice is to just continue to research the different options you have available to you which it sounds like you have been doing, and also discuss these options with your SO. Getting married from what I've read on the subject is probably the easiest route, but it's not for everyone. But I plan on going this route because me and my SO are both nearly 30 years old and we are both ready to be married, settle down, build a family, etc. but if you and/or your partner is not ready for marriage then those other routes should be discussed thoroughly. You can reach out to the US embassy and they should be able to answer any questions you might have, they've been very helpful when I've called regarding a few things that weren't clear to me during my research. Good luck!

[MissingMyDutchLove]

we are getting married to be together, it feels real good and at the same time i am scared shitless.
For marriage the dutch and the americans are quite different, but the most inportant thing is to go with what feels right and dont forget to let your head have a saying in it too. and yes sometimes you make the wrong choice. i made a copple in my life (think everybody did) but i never regret them because i alwaysthought they where right at that moment and learned from them.
also most dutch are blunt dont know about your SO off course but just let your thoughts out and discuss it
Good luck!

Since you're Dutch, I thought I should ask: is it common to not be married in your 20's/at all there? My SO's siblings are both nearing 30 and have been in relationships for years without thinking about marriage. When I said I want to be married around 25, if the timing was right in my relationship, my SO wasn't too enthusiastic. He says its because he doesn't want to plan the timing, but I'm wondering if the idea of being married in his 20's at all is making him panic a little.

[JaneEmily]

Since you're Dutch, I thought I should ask: is it common to not be married in your 20's/at all there? My SO's siblings are both nearing 30 and have been in relationships for years without thinking about marriage. When I said I want to be married around 25, if the timing was right in my relationship, my SO wasn't too enthusiastic. He says its because he doesn't want to plan the timing, but I'm wondering if the idea of being married in his 20's at all is making him panic a little.

Hmm I think it depends on their upbringing. A lot of Dutch people, my SO included, aren't really keen on showing emotions publicly. And neither of his elder sisters are married yet either (they're 25/27 but the oldest got out of a 6yr relationship and moved straight in with another guy after 2 weeks of dating). With the Dutch, it's not that they don't like the sound of marriage - it's probably more that they know what their goals are and if they don't feel they are ready for marriage or that it doesn't fit in with their current life goals they don't necessary worry or want it to happen until it is realistic.

On the other hand, my fiance and I made it clear when we thought marriage would be realistic. And it's something we both want, but we don't think it'll be possible until we're about 25/26 years old ourselves. We have to close the distance, first and foremost and thankfully we both live in the EU so it's a lot simpler. My SO is one of those people who wants to be married and can't wait to be, but at the same time it's just not financially possible until we are settled. We're engaged because we're ready for the next level of commitment but content at the same time with not being married straight away. It's funny though, when we announced we were engaged, his parents thought it meant marriage ASAP XD when it's not for another 3-4 years.

I think you should heed people's advice. Talk about it in 6-12 months time if you feel like the other options aren't viable then see how both you and your SO feel about bringing marriage a little forward. Or even being engaged, with or without a ring, and see how things develop. Being engafed doesn't neccesarily mean marriage. My parents have been engaged 23yrs! :P

Veel succes!

[snow]

We got married to move to the USA. But we were also ready for marriage. If you think you or your relationship is too young then DO NOT rush into it.

I second this and while we went the fiance visa route, we still waited until we were ready. At 22 I was definitely not ready, now that I am 25 and we had spent a lot of time together in person and long distance, we know we are ready.
Don't rush into marriage just because long distance sucks. If it's meant to be, it's going to be.

[0897klpq]

My parents actually did a LDR. They honestly met once on a visit to poland (my mom's aunt knew his parents), wrote letters for 6 months, then my mom went to poland to marry him

They've been together for 35 years, with ups/downs but I don't think I'd be able to rush like that.

Plus, back then poland was under communism so my dad needed out so he was sorta forced into it.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

I would just like the clarify, I'm thinking about marriage in general, not necessarily in the near future. He still has at least a year to go before he's done with school and then even if we decided to got the K-1 route, it would be another year (?) until we are able to have him enter the country. So it would probably be two years down the line either way.

[dragonlady]

like JaneEmily said is just about right, most dutch people dont have that social pressure that you need to get married(depending on there upbringing), mostly they live with each other for a copple of years before they get married if they do at all i think its running out of fashion here ti doesnt has that much tax advantage either for as far as i know (could be wrong though, just know that it is wurth the effort to get married for the tax stuff)
it is tricky you should just discuss it with him. isnt it a option bdw to move to nl? by what i hear from americans it is better here than it is there..

[MissingMyDutchLove]

We have talked about me moving there, but it would be many many years in the future if it happened. The problem lies in my schooling: I have at least 3 more years. and then I am certified in my state. There is an opportunity for me to work there, but I have to be fluent in Dutch (which right now I can say about three sentences) and take some classes there in order to do so. Therefore, it makes the most sense for him to come here from the standpoint that he can work pretty much anywhere with a business degree and isn't nearly as specialized as my degree is (as long as he can get into the country that is)

[Quinlan]

Its the same in Germany, marriage can wait, untill you really know each other well enough.
And yes, it can be scary as hell to marry someone. The trust-factor certainly comes into count.
I wanted to marry my ex after living several years with her, but she hesitated and finally started cybercheating, which lead to the end of that relationship.
Marriage and moving to another town, state or country was and is no problem, if it should occur, not for me at last.

But to decide if you break off your study to be together right away?
Perhaps you could finish your study in Europe, MissingMyDutchLove? There are certainly opportunities in Europe for that!

But that said, I wish you all the best and a happy marriage, perhaps with kids?

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Thank you for the well wishes! Unfortunately, it won't work to continue school over there due to my profession. The educational system for it is extremely different over there, so I wouldn't be able to practice back in America if I did school over there, but I could do the opposite if I ever get fluent in Dutch, so it makes sense for me to continue school here even if that means being long distance.

[Dwessie]

A lot of people in their 20s are saying they're too young to get married
I see a lot that not as much changes as you think, so I wonder why they feel like they can't experience their 20s if they do
If you were gonna go out partying with your SO, why would a piece of paper change that?