Feeling guilty for something I didnt do.

[Lisa88]

I'm not planning to get in contact with him again. He litterally said 'It's a shame that I like you'. I think I should be more offended than he is.
And if he's miguided, this is not the right way to express. Very disappointed.

[Petals]

I also make more money than he does. I know that. And if he would be short to buy a ticket to come over I would help him buy it, no problem. But this is something different. He's making up the excuse that I'm disrespectful towards him and his family to break up.
Like Petals said, he's just angry because his plan didn't work. Somewhere I hope I'm wrong about this.
Curious if he will get in touch again.

It's highly likely that he will come back. If you decide to take him back, leave money out of the equation...airfare is fine. However, do not send him any money. Overtime he will get fed up if his intentions are bad.

Not all Caribbean men/women are scammers, but usually you have to use the safe test to weed out the ones whose intentions are to make you part with your money.

I deal with the stigma and my SO has grown to trust that I am not one of them. I have always been an independent person, so I don't rely on others to bail me out.

FYI, salaries in Jamaica are far lower than salaries in 1st world countries. I now make twice the salary I earned in JA for the same job and 3 times that salary when I worked in England. US$1 =JM$112 approximately. However, he needs to live within his means unless there is a serious medical emergency that can really be expensive. His mom's house is not your business and he should seek the proper loans etc to complete it in his time frame or simply wait until he can do it. I help my family members with money from time to time, because cost of living there is high and wages depressed, but I would not expect my SO to provide that money.

[Dziubka]

I also make more money than he does. I know that. And if he would be short to buy a ticket to come over I would help him buy it, no problem. But this is something different. He's making up the excuse that I'm disrespectful towards him and his family to break up.
Like Petals said, he's just angry because his plan didn't work. Somewhere I hope I'm wrong about this.
Curious if he will get in touch again.

Relationships with a big difference in income are often a little complicated (imho), especially if it's two people from countries with widely different standards of living.
It must be really difficult for someone from a low-income/poorer country to see what their partner can afford or considers normal. It's probably very easy to get the impression that they're rich, which in the end isn't exactly wrong (they are compared to the poorer partner), but also not exactly true (in relation to the standards of their own country). I don't even think there's always a bad intention behind it (although I also don't want to defend anyone), but if your partner makes 5 times what you make and considers lots of things normal that are a luxury for you, then it's difficult to not expect them to share their (supposed) wealth with you.

[Petals]

Relationships with a big difference in income are often a little complicated (imho), especially if it's two people from countries with widely different standards of living.
It must be really difficult for someone from a low-income/poorer country to see what their partner can afford or considers normal. It's probably very easy to get the impression that they're rich, which in the end isn't exactly wrong (they are compared to the poorer partner), but also not exactly true (in relation to the standards of their own country). I don't even think there's always a bad intention behind it (although I also don't want to defend anyone), but if your partner makes 5 times what you make and considers lots of things normal that are a luxury for you, then it's difficult to not expect them to share their (supposed) wealth with you.

That's not how respectable and honest MEN from poorer Caribbean countries think. During visits and such they are ok with you paying for stuff, but only a BUM or scammer asks you for money.

Women are different, because most women in the Caribbean expect their partners to assist them with money whether or not you live in a poor or higher income country. For the men, that's a No No!

[Lisa88]

If he's ever getting in touch again we're first gonna have to figure some things out. Especially the money part. Like I said I hope I am wrong about this. I know about the wages in Jamaica and I wish he could earn more money but that's a thing I can't change.
If he would have medical issues or other serious problems I would helped him out but not for his parents house. I didn't meet them, they don't know that I excist. I also know that family is the most important thing for him and I understand but I don't get the fact that I have to help his parents.

@Dziubka : I know what you mean. But after four months I can't send money to him. He can't expect that from me. Difficult situation.

[Petals]

If he would have medical issues or other serious problems I would helped him out but not for his parents house. I didn't meet them, they don't know that I excist. I also know that family is the most important thing for him and I understand but I don't get the fact that I have to help his parents.

.

Do not tell him that information. He is likely to manufacture such a situation in a few months, if he is trying to scam you. Tell him that under no circumstances will you send him money unless it's directly related to a visit.

When you are sharing a home you will share finances. Until then he should not expect that he will receive money from you.

That will be a big money test. See if he is still as interested as before.

Your previous willingness to send him money gave him the impression that he could get money from you easily.

[Lisa88]

I'm not going to tell him. If he comes back I want to know if he's real or not. I am very cautious now. I will make clear that sending money will be a no go!
I am so happy with this support and information. This morning I really felt sick because of this thing that happened!

[Dziubka]

@Dziubka : I know what you mean. But after four months I can't send money to him. He can't expect that from me. Difficult situation.

I don't think you should send him money, especially not after only four months of being together. I just think this is something that both partners in such a relationship need to be aware of.

Personally, I'm not sure I could deal with it neither as the poorer nor as the richer person. I wouldn't be comfortable talking about my "luxury problems" to someone who had a very different standard of living from me and I don't think I could stand my SO talking about what I would consider luxury problems (eeeh, I hope that made sense). Which isn't to say that it's impossible, but it requires a lot of understanding from both sides. Maybe I'm just a terrible unsympathetic person.

[Lisa88]

No you aren't
I understand what you mean. And I don't talk a lot about the 'luxury problems' just because of that. I either don't think it's impossible but it needs a lot of communication. What at the moment isn't happening because he don't want to listen.

[Petals]

No you aren't
I understand what you mean. And I don't talk a lot about the 'luxury problems' just because of that. I either don't think it's impossible but it needs a lot of communication. What at the moment isn't happening because he don't want to listen.

Yes it is possible with communication. My SO is fairly wealthy and I find it hard to accept some of the things he spends a large amount of money on. He bought me first class ticket (mixture of points and money) to visit him during the summer and while I enjoyed the luxury, I don't find it necessary to spend that much money. The same with purchasing appliances and furniture for 'our' house. I keep thinking of better ways I could spend that money lol. but it's his norm.

You need to have a certain level of trust before you can communicate comfortably on the topic.

[AnnMarie Green]

Aaaaahhh the inevitable money issues... And we all have them!! With not having been together that terribly long, and even with all the love in the world if you cant afford it, you cant afford it!! The stresses of our families and our LDRs often coincide.. Everything cant always be perfect.. I feel like he should have been more understanding about the fact that you are helping your family as well!! He definitely overreacted, just sayin well its over because you cant send money.. Smh.. Warning signs!!! I would try hard to wait for him to get over it for him to contact you.. But thats just my opinion!! Good luck n best wishes... You did nothing wrong..

[differentcountries]

I don't make 5 times more than he does. It is more like 10 times more, perhaps a little more than that, too. I know he is sometimes shocked by things I own or buy myself. But I have also shown him I have cut down greatly on my expenses to be able to afford seeing him. I bought him a smart phone so we could stay in touch (he doesn't have a computer), when he picked up the money I was like aaah... I hope he doesn't scam me now. I simply trusted him. I hardly even knew him, but a good aquaintance who knew him a bit said that he was trustworthy. Even for me, it was a lot of money. I am glad I did because after that we had almost no problems staying in touch. Everything I have payed have been directly related to our expenses as a couple. He will only receive cash money for pretty things, like a small item he needs if he is broke. When I gave him money for his birthday he was almost offended, but it was just because I wanted him to get a new sweater and I couldn't buy him one because I didn't know his sice. Indirectly, I imagine I have supported his studies too, because I payed for food and shelter to he didn't have to work as much. But him finishing his studies is also important to our future, nobody gets old in his job.

[Lisa88]

I survived the weekend without contacting him but this is been on my mind 24/24.

[Petals]

I survived the weekend without contacting him but this is been on my mind 24/24.

((Hugs)) It will be tough but maintain your ground. He knows you really care about him so he's probably just dragging it out so you will buckle. Hang in there...

[Wolv]

I understand you want to see where this relationship goes but as a guy I just have an awfully bad feeling and I would want you to stop all contact. Call me old fashion but I think it's unacceptable for someone you've only known for such a short period of time to ask you for money. I would never ask my SO for money, and she was actually uncomfortable with me sending her money until we were deeper into our relationship.

It's not just the fact that he asked you for money that's giving me the bad feeling, it's the fact that he tried to put a guilt trip to get you to send the money by telling you his parents we offended. It makes no sense to me why his parents would be because you won't send money to fix his parents house. He has known less than half a year and neither he nor either of them have met you in real life.

By telling him you would only send money for medical reasons gave him hope you might still do it and no matter how many months it might take he could stick with that in the back of his head. He could be talking and trying to take advantage of multiple vulnerable women at the same time he is talking with you. Please don't take that the wrong way, I'm by no means saying you are vulnerable, after all you had enough sense to question his motives and also the sense to share with others here which as you can see most of the replies prior to mine are all questioning this guys motives and thus likely strengthened how much you are scrutinizing his behavior.

In the original post you say after he said you offended his parents he is pretty much adding another layer to his guilt trip by telling you that you've opened his eyes and he wants nothing to do with you anymore. This SHOULD NOT make you feel guilty, and it doesn't make any sense. If his feelings for you were genuine and true how can a material thing such as money open his eyes and make him realize he never wants to hear from you again unless money is all he cares about. Not you, not your feelings, just your money. He doesn't love you, he loves your money; more specifically the money he's hoping you will send to him.

TLR; this guy is trying to scam you. He is running a guilt trip on you but you have no reason to feel guilty, all his behavior has scam written all over it. He does not love you, he does not care about you, the only thing he cares about is your money. (I'm sorry if my two cents sounds harsh).