What does your relationship provide that your friends & family cannot/do not?

[Petals]

My response to a post provoked this question in my mind :

What do you get from your relationship that you do not or cannot get from your friends & family? This of course is separate from sex - hopefully lol

We enter relationships for various reasons. Some can be considered unhealthy while others emanate from a deep sense of self.

IMO, relationships shouldn't be solely about what we get from it, but also about what we put in, because collectively we will benefit from our contributions. Surely, it is necessary to compromise since we are all different, but in searching for common ground we shouldn't lose ourselves or give up what is fundamentally important to us. Striking that balance is where many of us often struggle - maybe because we are not too sure ourselves what is really important to us?

Naturally, our needs change throughout our lifespan as we have new experiences and become even more aware of our inner core. What was important to me 10 years ago is not necessarily important to me now - at least some things change and/or the order of importance changes.

So back to my question - what do you get from your relationship that you do not or cannot get from your friends or family?

1. I get a deep sense of companionship. A deep emotional connection that my friends and family cannot provide. I can talk about my deepest desires and fears comfortably and feel accepted. Surely I can share some of my thoughts and desires this with a handful of friends and I did that with my mom, but there is still a part of me that they do not know or understand well. With my SO, I have no filter.
2. There's romantic love, security, laughter and happiness that encourage me to grow and be my best self.
3. My relationship provides a nurturing environment that lays the foundation for the creation of a healthy and new family unit. In this unit, I will (hopefully lol) be a role model for a new life that in many ways will be an extension of me as well as my partner.

These are the top 3 things that I can come up with at this time.

What about you ? Share your thoughts please

[differentcountries]

1.I get a partnership. We work together towards common goals. Of course I sometimes do that with others, too, but a relationship is special in that sense that you are a unit. We also challenge each other and change as the relationship grows.
2. I get to be seen. The way I see it, the beauty of two romantic relationships is that you get to see yourself in different mirrors. I am not the same person with my boyfriend as with my husband. I also get to be seen by them together, which is a very special feeling. Of course your friends and family see you too, but relationship does this in a very intense way.
3. I don't always seek to be understood, but I do want to be accepted. Friends and family can provide love and acceptance that goes a long way, but I share much more details about myself in a relationship. And of course the physical nurture and the sex plays a big part. When someone sees all your weirdness in and out of bed and still loves you to bits, the feeling is very much one of being cherished. I am furtunate enough to have that happen to me twice.

[Petals]

1
2. I get to be seen. The way I see it, the beauty of two romantic relationships is that you get to see yourself in different mirrors. I am not the same person with my boyfriend as with my husband. I also get to be seen by them together, which is a very special feeling. Of course your friends and family see you too, but relationship does this in a very intense way.

I get how the idea of being SEEN can be applied to monogamous relationships too.

When you are in a fulfilling and healthy relationship, you become the only person that your partner 'sees' in a romantic light. There's no competition for that type of affection and you almost get a 'stage' for yourself. There's a special feeling that is generated by knowing that your partner is committed to you only and for the time that you are together, the bonds run deeper than with anyone else. Surely, your partner can still have romantic feelings for past partners, but IMO, it's a different type of feeling that in a healthy relationship offers no competition.

With parents, you 'compete' with other siblings even as your parents try not to have favorites and with friends, well you 'compete' with other friends for time and affection. IDK maybe I'm thinking too much about this now. Ha!

[differentcountries]

I don't think that much about competition. I am more envious when a friend likes my sister more than me! But Yes, it is a special kind of attention. I think it is about that you are able to take in the whole of another person and have them feel the same way too.

[whatruckus]

A lot, to be completely honest. He gives me everything my family doesn't. He compliments me, supports me, he's there for me, he loves me. My family isn't that supportive of anything I do, and they're highly critical of me, and they make fun of me a lot. They're very negative about everything that has to do with me (they call me fat, ugly, and lazy a lot). I also don't have many friends.

[Tomlovesher]

The relationship with your SO is much much more intimate and unique. It's something you can't compare with your family.

Like you stated, you don't have a "filter". I feel accepted, I don't have to be afraid of being laughed at in a bad way when doing stupid stuff.

[vicks5721]

1) I can completely be myself in every way with my fiance and I feel comfortable that I can tell him everything and talk about everything, whatever the subject, which I feel I can't with certain subjects with my family members.
2) A sense of complete security, he is the only person who always knows how to make me laugh and cheer me up when I am sad about something, he is the best at comforting me and bringing a smile to my face.
3) He makes me want to be a better person and to grow in my life, and he feels the same way about me, we always discuss everything we have on our minds and we talk through everything we feel and want to say.
4) My fiance thinks of ways to compliment, encourage and supports me in everything we plan and I love that we make plans and life goals together, that special bond of romantic love is amazing and makes everything exciting to look forward to.

[Petals]

A lot, to be completely honest. He gives me everything my family doesn't. He compliments me, supports me, he's there for me, he loves me. My family isn't that supportive of anything I do, and they're highly critical of me, and they make fun of me a lot. They're very negative about everything that has to do with me (they call me fat, ugly, and lazy a lot). I also don't have many friends.

That's too bad re your family and really cruel to describe you in such in negative terms. It's great that your SO is your biggest cheerleader.

I am not particularly close to my family and my mom and dad passed awhile back, so I do not have a strong support system. Sometimes I feel a bit jealous of my SO's close family unit, but then they make me feel like I belong with them. It feels good to be getting a 'new family' especially since I'm moving there.

[Petals]

1) I can completely be myself in every way with my fiance and I feel comfortable that I can tell him everything and talk about everything, whatever the subject, which I feel I can't with certain subjects with my family whatever they are. I act different around each relative, my mum I can tell most things to, my sister we usually talk about work and family stuff, and my dad I don't see much so mostly we chat about life and him telling stories. So what I am saying is with my fiance I know I don't have to act different ways at all, I can be me, everything about me and he loves that, equally he feels he can be himself.
2) A sense of complete security, he is the only person who always knows how to make me laugh and cheer me up when I am sad about something, he is the best at comforting me and bringing a smile to my face.
3) He makes me want to be a better person and to grow in my life, and he feels the same way about me, we always discuss everything we have on our minds and we talk through everything we feel and want to say.
4) My fiance thinks of ways to everyday and supports me in everything we plan and he is always generally excited for me and us, I love that we make plans and life goals together, that special bond of romantic love is amazing and makes everything exciting to look forward to.

Thanks for sharing! Those are all great points and the hallmark of a healthy relationship IMO!
#1 I think is just so important - being yourself and feeling accepted flaws and all!

[vicks5721]

That's too bad re your family and really cruel to describe you in such in negative terms. It's great that your SO is your biggest cheerleader.

I am not particularly close to my family and my mom and dad passed awhile back, so I do not have a strong support system. Sometimes I feel a bit jealous of my SO's close family unit, but then they make me feel like I belong with them. It feels good to be getting a 'new family' especially since I'm moving there.

I understand how that feels, I am close to my mum and I used to be with my nieces but they are getting older growing up fast, and I don't see my dad often, I love that my fiance is closer to his family, and the fact that they are all excited to meet me soon and we do things together, it's lovely to feel like part of the family, I already feel like I belong

[Tomlovesher]

That's too bad re your family and really cruel to describe you in such in negative terms. It's great that your SO is your biggest cheerleader.

I am not particularly close to my family and my mom and dad passed awhile back, so I do not have a strong support system. Sometimes I feel a bit jealous of my SO's close family unit, but then they make me feel like I belong with them. It feels good to be getting a 'new family' especially since I'm moving there.

Sorry for your loss mate.

[vicks5721]

Thanks for sharing! Those are all great points and the hallmark of a healthy relationship IMO!
#1 I think is just so important - being yourself and feeling accepted flaws and all!

Definitely! it is very important that you can be yourself, it is the most wonderful feeling in the world.

[Miasmata]

I really enjoy the idea of this thread! There are a lot of things that a good friendship and a good relationship have in common, IMO, and since I select my friends very carefully, I feel that the basics are the same - Feeling comfortable around each other, trust, honesty, etc. Since I have friends I'm incredibly close with, I've asked myself before how I would really distinguish a romantic relationship from a platonic one. If I'm honest, there aren't a lot of major differences, but I think I can list the few:


1. We really are a team. I'd do a lot for friends and family, but I would never be willing to majorly compromise on my life plans for them. My SO is the only person besides me who plays a major part in my life plans. I'm still my own person, that I will never give up, but with him I actively want to plan together. He has a priority in my life that nobody else gets. Every day, we work together, support each other with our goals, and help each other be the best possible version of ourselves. We share an amount of teamwork that I don't have with anyone else.

2. We pool our resources together. Resources aren't just material goods, mind you - Our skills, our time, our devotion, etc. all go together in a pool. In our relationship, there is no place for petty scorekeeping or bargaining - It doesn't matter that he will make more money than me, it doesn't matter who did more chores, and it doesn't matter who had to put up with more stress for the other recently. We are both going towards the same goal of being happy on the terms that work for us individually, and on that, there should never be a need for mistrust.

3. We can lay everything bare. Even in the absolute best of my friendships, there are things I wouldn't feel comfortable bringing up or that would simply not be appropriate. With him, however, I can truly show the full spectrum of who I am and not feel a single bit of shame. The same goes vice versa. We show each other all of our sides, and we can always communicate and be honest with each other about all aspects of life. And no matter how much we sometimes disagree on a matter or how harshly we call each other out on problematic behaviour, we still have each other's utmost respect. Together, we never have to feel forced to hide anything.

[differentcountries]

Another thing, apart from maybe my family, there is noone I can be introvert with like my boyfriend and my husband. We simply don't have to say much. Most of my friends are extrovert, always talking and wanting something to happen. I can be on my own vibe with him. He doesn't complain that I want to read, and he doesn't constantly want my attention. We let each other be, without ignoring each other, it is a very soothing type of presence. I noticed this quality about him very early on, I guess that is why I took a big chance on a man I barely knew.

[AnnMarie Green]

So good to see your post!! My family is very supportive, but his unfortunately is somewhat like yours, probably worse.. I know because of this, when we found each other, we found balance within ourselves.. I helped him to realize he IS worthy of love, that he IS a beautiful spirit, and he IS my best friend in the world!! After awhile, you begin to believe in yourself.. And the things they say will eventually make no difference at all!!! ((Hugs)) Here if you need to vent...