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just need to vent-so upset

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    #1

    just need to vent-so upset

    I really need to vent and talk to people who understand. I recently posted about my so opening a badoo account to make new friends in his new country and help him learn the dutch language so he could take his nationality there. Naturally, we had a fight over it, but worked it out, or so i thought. He swore that he just signed up for it to make friends there because he didn't know anyone, he loved only me, etc. So we put it behind us.

    Yesterday I had extra time at work and was messing around on the computer and googled him. The first thing that came up was the badoo profile. I looked at it, and felt like someone hit me with a ton of bricks. He listed himself as single, looking to date girls 20-35, and he listed 117 hash tags, including: sex on the beach, women, romance, kissing, massages, long term relationship, travel, dining out, along with the others like Sports, etc. He put 25 pics on there. Even won a "most active" award on 10/8.

    I confront him about it with the screenshots from his profile. He tries to make it out like I am making a big deal out of nothing, that he deleted the program from his phone after our last fight and didn't go back there. He said that he wasn't"cheating me" and started getting mad because I Was calling him a liar and he never lied to me and he hated liars. He said that I was his world, he was going to marry me, he had told his family about us, introduced me to his sisters via a chat group, why would he do that if he was looking to date other women?

    MyResponse was if you are in a committed relationship, you don't create online dating profiles. (Among other things). Toda we fought about it again when I finally answered his call. I told him how devastated I was by this, and how my trust has been destroyed. He got mad, said he would send me the texts between the 4 men and 1 woman so I would see that he wasn't a liar, and after that our relationship was over because there was no trust. Then he says he loves me and cannot live without me, he was sorry for doing this and it was a simple mistake, and I needed to take some time to think about this and decide what I want to do.

    I have spent the last 2 days crying. I never expected this betrayal from him. Even with his (lame) explanations, I am still so angry. My trust is gone. He keeps insting that I am Taking it. Wrong. As much as my heart is breaking, I think this time i Walk away .

    Thanks for taking the time to read this. It does help to vent.
    Tags: None
    #2
    I had to go back and read the previous post before responding...but yeah...now I get the whole picture. Any way you look at it - that's basically cheating. It's a dating app, he's in a relationship - that's not ok. I can only imagine how you feel, I know I would be devastated if I was in the same situation. I'm sorry I can't offer any better advice. All I can say is I would cut my losses and move along...good luck to you!
    "I ran to him. I dropped my luggage and ran to him. My heart melted in my chest as I wrapped my arms around his neck. I could feel him. I could kiss him. I could smell him. He was real. He was here. He is mine."

    He could be a million miles away...and still be worth every single mile <3

    We met in 2012
    We became a couple in April 2014
    Our lips first met August 8, 2014
    Our beautiful 2nd visit was November 2014
    Hoping to visit again for a New Years kiss
    We'll spend my birthday and Valentines day in each other's arms <3 - Feb 2015
    Our "spring break" in March 2015
    Summer fun - June 2015
    DISNEY WORLD!!! Sept 2015



    LOVE > DISTANCE
    QUALITY > CONVENIENCE

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      #3
      Yea, I would not be happy finding that at all. Sending good thoughts to whatever you decide to do.

      Comment

        #4
        I'm so sorry for you. I know how betrayal and broken trust feels.

        Comment

          #5
          If he wants online sex it is not ok to just assume you are ok with it. He is also indiscreet about it. I'd say cut your losses. I am sorry he behaved this way towards you.
          I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
          - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



          "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

          Comment

            #6
            Sadly, I have to agree with those here. To me, cheating isn't just sleeping with someone else, it's also the intent. And, unless the relationship is open,that is a no-no

            Comment

              #7
              You definitely did the right thing. Open relationships are absolutely fine, but they need to be consensual, otherwise it's cheating, plain and simple. And even if you cheat and violate someone's trust like that, at the very least you should buckle up and be honest and apologetic about it. He was none of that, he lead you on and lied to you. Behaviour like that ruins any kind of trust that could be had.

              Very sorry this happened to you. Take good care of yourself now, and remember that you cut out someone out of your life who was not going to be good for you either way in the long run.

              ~
              It'll take a lot more than words and guns
              A whole lot more than riches and muscle
              The hands of the many must join as one
              And together we'll cross the river

              Comment

                #8
                Now that you know his true intentions, stand your ground and move on from him. You deserve better.

                Take care of yourself.
                Met Online : July 2013
                Met in person : April - May 2014 (3 wks)
                2nd visit : June - August 2014 (2 months)
                3rd visit : December - Jan (2wks)
                Proposal : December 2014
                Closed distance : February 2015
                Married : April 5, 2015


                Comment

                  #9
                  I think sometimes people get involved in LDRs with the misconception that LDR means they can pretty much do whatever through a computer.. In my world, a violation of trust is a violation of trust whether its in person, online, on the phone, or any combination of those things.. And he definitely has violated!! I hope and pray that you find the strength to move on in a positive loving way.. Learn from this how to set the initial boundaries that you want in your relationship.. Many blessings dear and keep your head up!!

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Thank you all for your advice and kind words. This has been so rough. The last 3 days have been full of arguing over this, begging and pleading for me to forgive him, it was a "mistake" and he is sorry, he didnt mean it how i am taking it, then he gets sarcastic and "thanks" me for trusting him. Hes threated to kill himself because he "cant live without me". But, ironically, his profile is still up. I am so heartbroken, devistated and exhausted over this. I told him how he betrayed my trust, and if he loved me the way he said, he wouldnt have done this to begin with.

                    I suppose I should.be happy this happened now before i sink anymore time, money and feelings into a relationship with a liar.

                    Thanks to you all for listening.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      He sounds dramatic and self-centered. That he didn't even delete the account just goes to show that he is in a very special place in his head which is not good for you to join him in. You are responsible for your own mental health, take care of yourself by stepping out of the situation. You reacted soundly by not letting this one pass. It is one step int a very dangerous road of him dictating your relationship according to his whims.

                      If it makes you feel better, he might be as confused as you are... The way he contradicts himself doesn't really sound like he is clever at lying, but that he is dragging you into a drama in his head where unicorns can fly, red is blue and monogamy is dating someone else than your girlfriend. In his confused thinking, you might somehow be responsible for his bad handling of the situation. I have had my fair share of people talking nonsense, at least it helped me a bit to think they were not conning me but genuinely confused, too (although that is also a bit sad).
                      I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                      - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                      "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
                        He sounds dramatic and self-centered. That he didn't even delete the account just goes to show that he is in a very special place in his head which is not good for you to join him in. You are responsible for your own mental health, take care of yourself by stepping out of the situation. You reacted soundly by not letting this one pass. It is one step int a very dangerous road of him dictating your relationship according to his whims.

                        If it makes you feel better, he might be as confused as you are... The way he contradicts himself doesn't really sound like he is clever at lying, but that he is dragging you into a drama in his head where unicorns can fly, red is blue and monogamy is dating someone else than your girlfriend. In his confused thinking, you might somehow be responsible for his bad handling of the situation. I have had my fair share of people talking nonsense, at least it helped me a bit to think they were not conning me but genuinely confused, too (although that is also a bit sad).
                        DC hit the nail on the head.

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