My girlfriend is travelling and I kissed someone. She's ended it. What can I do??

[andi18]

So I was seeing a girl for 3/4 months and it was amazing and we both told each other how we loved each other which I NEVER do and I never fall in love. But during this whole time, we always knew it was going to end because she was leaving to travel for a year with her friend and this had been booked way before we got together.

When she left I was a complete mess, I missed her so much and spent most of my time in bed. I asked her to wait some time before hooking up with anyone just because it was so painful for me. At this point I didnt really know if we were meant to be in a long distance relationship or not. We had spoke about the possibility of me coming to meet her while travelling but I thought we were just being silly. I think we had both agreed we would wait 8 weeks before deciding what we were going to do. Then I went on a holiday myself 3 weeks after she was gone and ended up very briefly kissing a girl when I was very drunk. I think I was trying to prove to myself I wasnt so pathetic for being so miserable without the girl I love.and so when I kissed this girl I just tried to pretend it didnt happen.

A few weeks later we both agreed that we still loved each other and that I would seriously consider coming to meet her in a couple of months time. I eventually booked my flights and I was so excited and so was she, and thats when I knew we were in a long term relationship and she was my girlfriend. A couple of times she asked me about that holiday and if I had ever been with anyone since she left but it was such a meaningless **** kiss that I didnt want to tell her, so I blatantly lied to her purely because I love her and know it would have been over if I did. Then last night my guilt took over and I had to tell her because I dont want to have any secrets if I am planning to spend 4 months travelling with her.

Shes been away 4 months and I am meant to be going to meet her after christmas but now she says she can't forgive me for lying to her for so long and so blatantly. She says she has spent the last 4 months rejecting guys and hasnt ever considered doing ANYTHING while shes travelling because she loves me so much so I have wasted her time and I am exactly the same as every other dickhead guy. I think its over and I am now clueless to what I am meant to do. She thought I was perfect and now I've ruined everything for the sake of a ****ty drunken kiss months ago. I feel horrendous.

I am working 2 jobs to pay for this trip I have paid for injections and my flights and a new camera and I am literally head over heels in love with this girl and shes just basically ended it. How can I get her back if I cant actually be near her or speak to her??


Sorry for the long post. I am having a complete mental break down over here.

[differentcountries]

Actually she is right: it wasn't a meaningless kiss. You were using your sexuality as a coping mecanism because you were unprepared for the hardship of Long Distance. My suggestion is that you take all the blame and then tell her you found this website full of suggestions on how to cope. That people in here has done LD for a long time, even years. It is not easy, but it can be done. Tell her you are sorry and then suggest new ways in your relationship. You started out all wrong, like a Close Distance relationship, but the dynamics in LD are very special. The ups and downs are stronger in LDs. You must make a change. Tell her you will stop drinking. Write her a letter every day (or e-mail). Send her flowers online. Learn how to cook for her etc. But first and foremost, pick yourself up from the floor. You need to learn how to stay calm in a storm. Yell in the woods, do yoga, hit something... Otherwise you will do something silly to her again, because your inner preassure cooker will pertray you unless you are the master of your own moods.

[andi18]

Thanks for the reply. You are right yes. I have taken all the blame and I have told her this is all my fault and I am truly sorry.

My only defence is that at the time of the kiss I genuinely believed that there was no relationship...we had mentioned me changing my plans and coming out to meet her but it was just a pipe dream at that point. I thought we were hanging onto nothing because we missed each other. I never thought at that point I would ever actually be going out to meet her. Then when our relationship developed and I knew I was serious about going I panicked and was too scared to tell her. I will take on board your suggestions but I am not sure it is fixable. I have ruined something that was so good for such a long time

[snow]

The problem is not that you kissed a girl while you were in relationship limbo, it's the fact that you lied when she asked. It's a break of trust and it's gonna take time to fix this.

[whatruckus]

I agree with both DC and snow. Your SO has every right to be upset and angry. You need to show her that you're ready now and how much of a mistake that kiss was. Whether you were drunk and lonely, or not, it doesn't change the fact that you did it. There really is no excuse for what you did, especially by lying straight to her face. That was like adding salt to the wound. What matters now is that you rebuild her trust, and see if she's able to get past this (some people aren't).