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Should This Bother Me?

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    #1

    Should This Bother Me?

    I just want to get a feel for what others think about this situation and how it compares to my thoughts.

    My SO when we met worked at a tuna packing plant. Not his first choice in jobs. He went to school and got a degree in fisheries. The job was not super awesome and he was actively seeking a new one when we met. He ran into some trouble. His mom got sick and he had to pay for her medicine and hospital bills, he wrecked is motor bike, and they let him go at work. He was accepted into a program to become an observer on fishing boats. Basically training to work on boats being sure they follow regulations etc. However he needed 3000 pesos to get to the program and he was struggling to find that.He asked me for money (after many weeks of struggling to find it or borrow it from elsewhere) I told him I was unable to help. Iwork 3 jobs, but it's just making ends meet right now. He said that he understood and that was okay. When he did ask he said he hated to ask. To me I don't feel like he's looking for a handout. However, I ask you how you take this because I have a friend who thinks because he asked me for money for this that I should not trust him. So what are your thoughts? He did manage to find the money from a aunt who loaned it to him and he is graduating today from the program.
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    #2
    The way you've described it, it doesn't seem like he is trying to scam you for money. I've been dating my SO for 7 months and he has offered to help me out if I get stuck while I"m in school. He didn't get angry when you said you couldn't help him. It doesn't hurt him to ask. I don't think it means you can't trust him. My SO has asked to use my credit card, the first time was quite early in the relationship and I let him, he paid me back the next week and it was all good. Money doesn't mean you can't trust the person... unless they need it to help save their daughter and live in Nigeria lol

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      #3
      Originally posted by snow_girl View Post
      The way you've described it, it doesn't seem like he is trying to scam you for money. I've been dating my SO for 7 months and he has offered to help me out if I get stuck while I"m in school. He didn't get angry when you said you couldn't help him. It doesn't hurt him to ask. I don't think it means you can't trust him. My SO has asked to use my credit card, the first time was quite early in the relationship and I let him, he paid me back the next week and it was all good. Money doesn't mean you can't trust the person... unless they need it to help save their daughter and live in Nigeria lol
      I agree. If he was so reluctant to ask you, and then took the news that you couldn't help perfectly fine, you have nothing to worry about. Plus, he ended up getting the money from his aunt anyway. It'd be different if he ended up getting pissed that you couldn't give him the money, or he kept badgering you about it. But, the way you described it seems as though he was just asking as a last resort.

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        #4
        The way you put it, he sounds like he genuinely needed your help. I'm sorry things are hard for the both of you. Best of luck.
        I thought of you and the years and all the sadness fell away from me - Pink Floyd

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          #5
          Thanks guys for answering that with your thoughts. That is how I feel too. This particular friend just all of a sudden thinks that he has these bad intentions for wanting to be in a relationship with me. Which confuses me because in the beginning she thought it was a great idea. Nothing has changed in the past few months except we have gotten closer (he and I) Now al of a sudden she doesn't trust him and thinks I shouldn't either. This was just one issue. She also thinks he just wants me to get a green card to America. I don' t think that is the case. We haven't even talked about any of that yet. My feelings are if he wanted a green card out of me he would have been pushing for it already. Not sure why her feelings changed, but it doesn't matter Thanks again for your thoughts.

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            #6
            Originally posted by alw83 View Post
            Thanks guys for answering that with your thoughts. That is how I feel too. This particular friend just all of a sudden thinks that he has these bad intentions for wanting to be in a relationship with me. Which confuses me because in the beginning she thought it was a great idea. Nothing has changed in the past few months except we have gotten closer (he and I) Now al of a sudden she doesn't trust him and thinks I shouldn't either. This was just one issue. She also thinks he just wants me to get a green card to America. I don' t think that is the case. We haven't even talked about any of that yet. My feelings are if he wanted a green card out of me he would have been pushing for it already. Not sure why her feelings changed, but it doesn't matter Thanks again for your thoughts.
            Maybe she's jealous? That's one of the only things I can think of. Have you been spending less time with her? If so, she probably feels he's a part of the reason why. Also, I think you're right about the green card thing, he would've been pushing it pretty early on and kept badgering you about it.

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              #7
              Originally posted by whatruckus View Post
              Maybe she's jealous? That's one of the only things I can think of. Have you been spending less time with her? If so, she probably feels he's a part of the reason why. Also, I think you're right about the green card thing, he would've been pushing it pretty early on and kept badgering you about it.


              Well she actually is living in Germany right now, and our skype time never happens when his does. So I don't think it has to do with giving less time to her. I don't get it really. We haven't been able to chat about it so I can just say. So what changed? When this first came up we had to cut the conversation short.

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                #8
                Originally posted by alw83 View Post
                Well she actually is living in Germany right now, and our skype time never happens when his does. So I don't think it has to do with giving less time to her. I don't get it really. We haven't been able to chat about it so I can just say. So what changed? When this first came up we had to cut the conversation short.
                Hm...that is really weird. Maybe she, or someone she knows, got burned by a scammer?

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                  #9
                  Your relationship with this man is barely 5 months old and he is asking for money...that would be a red flag for me .Listen to your own intuition and not your heart .The heart wants this relationship to be good but your own alarm bells are ringing if you are questioning his intentions .
                  Good luck...be careful

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