saying I miss you?

[ronjaandbirk]

Hello all!

The following has been on my mind quite a bit and I'm just curious how you all handle it, esp. those that have made an LDR work for more than a year already.

We in general try to avoid saying "I miss you." too often.
I believe it's better to focus on the positive, and dwelling over it just makes it more important than it is. Its obvious that we are going to miss each other, so why repeat it.

however, recently we're going through a bit of a hard time (nothing in the relationship just normal life stuff) and I'm feeling like i just want to write him a sappy text that says how much i miss him and how much easier things would be if we could be together at least. I don't tho, because see above.

it has made me wonder tho, how often do you tell each other you miss them? What do you think is saying it too often? When is it too little?

discuss away please

[Nymeria]

Interesting topic!
We don't say it all the time, we rather say: "this and this many nights to go". But if we are going through a rough patch in life and really do miss each other - sometimes it comes like a huge wave and it almost physically hurts- then we do tell each other.

[Miasmata]

I think it's absolutely fine to say it sometimes. Being honest about your feelings with your SO is always important. However, dwelling on it doesn't help either of you, that's true, so it's not helpful to say it all the time. As long as you are generally on the same page and open about your feelings, not saying it all the time is okay.

[snow]

I did avoid saying it, because it does concentrate on the bad rather than the good, but sometimes when it was overwhelming, you just have to say it.

[lovefrom2800milesaway]

Very interesting topic indeed!
After the first meeting with my SO, I remember we would say it all the time. It was hard to cope with that new feeling of knowing what it feels like to be with them then all of a sudden not having them there.
However, as the years went on and we got to see each other more and more, it became a saying less and less often. I feel like we've gotten used to the goodbyes and have learnt to cope with them better.
With that being said, there are days when I am missing him a wholeeee lot and I'm not afraid to say it. When I hear him say that he misses me too, it's almost like a reassurance that I'm not alone and that he's thinking of me too.
I feel like it depends for every couple you ask, but I think it's perfectly healthy to say it a lot and also perfectly healthy if you don't, as long as each others' feelings are clear!

[differentcountries]

We usually say I miss you several times a day. Sometimes we say "'let's stay positive", and we usually don't dwell on the missing part unless we are really sad. But it is our way of saying "I love you and my deepest wish is to have to close". We often repeat things, we don't try to be original. What we feel is really just wordless, anyway, but apart from the emicons and just looking at each other on Skype (which we do a lot, it the thing that feels closest to touching over the distance), those are the words we use to describe our longing and pain and joy. I have a picture of myself in a magnet frame hanging on the refridgirator in our Turkish flat, and a magnet writable speaking buble where I wrote "Missing you always". I wrote to him today after work, the first day of work after a visit is always tough; "Everything went fine, exept I am missing a man and a cat". He mailed me pics of him and the cat, saying they missed me, too. We are both stupidly tired now, he just had two exams in a row, I had a rough 1st day with a full day at work and then a challenging Turkish class on top of that, there is no way I have the energy to Skype. On days like these it is so good to just say those words of missing my loved ones, the words are like magic bringing them closer! I don't think missing is neccesarily a bad and ugly word. I say it too my husband, too, to my mum, my sisters and my friends to tell them I think of them.

When I get the huge, dark wave of negative feelings, it is usually in between visits or towards the end of a visit right before I leave. I don't aways tell him about it then, I feel more like I want to go into a cave by myself... But when we in the past both had serious post-visit blues, we talked about it and we had to, because it lasted for days and it was killing us because we were not connecting. Now, we recognize it is something heavy and it seriously often makes us tired. I learned from SO, there is a lot you can sleep off. The way I experience the darkness now is usually lighter, it can stay for an hour or two and then it just vanishes. I feel though that I sometimes get a bit numb. But there is a lot going on in my life, so it is hard to tell if it is the distance or some other thing. I feel the numbness helps me a bit, it keeps me together and practical. I have felt over-numbed at times, but as long as I can feel vounerable some of the time I think I'll be ok.

[whatruckus]

I say it all the time. I write him sappy things all the time. Lol. He's used to it now and he thinks it's cute. Plus, sometimes he randomly texts me and tells me how much he misses me and how much he wishes I was there. I think it's perfectly natural and healthy to express yourself. If you don't, it'll get all bottled up and bubble over. I can see how it could make you depressed, but I think it could also make you feel better and bring you two closer.

[barb757]

we always tell each other we miss each other. it makes me feel better knowing he misses me too

[randomnerd]

I understand not wanting to dwell on the negative of the LDR and I don't say it as often as I think it because I don't want to make him feel bad that he can't be here but I definitely want to let him know that I miss him.

Usually I say it when I'm going through an especially hard moment. I think it's important for him to know that I miss him though so I do say it. Sometimes it's "I miss you" but other times it's "I wish you were here now" or "I wish I could be with you" which says the same thing.

[Sarah96]

I say it sometimes when he's at work and I'm done classes for the day and just working on homework, I'll send him a little "I love you and miss you, hope work is going well" text... I think, at least in my opinion, there's a difference between little "I miss you"'s and big I miss you's.... the little I miss you's like in random texts I'll send him here and there saying good morning or wishing him a good day at work are said often, maybe once a day. Sometimes there are days it's not said at all since he doesn't work.... and those little I miss you's are just that, just a little reminder that I miss him and I can't wait to talk to him later when we're not busy. As far as the big I miss you's that have more sadness and loneliness behind them... those happen occasionally but not very often. I think the last time it was said in that sense was sometime last week, and we were both pretty down and missing each other, but it happens maybe once a month, sometimes less when they're the big I miss you's and we're both upset and lonely.

I like feeling missed, knowing that he misses me makes me feel loved/needed sometimes. Of course as mentioned before, dwelling on it isn't healthy, but I really don't think there's anything wrong with saying "I miss you" once or twice a day just because you miss talking to them or something. At least, it hasn't had any negative impacts on us. If it does start to, then of course I would consider saying it less often, but I think we're both comfortable with the amount it's said.

[AnnMarie Green]

We say it... Alot..Lolz.. And probably will until we close the distance, hopefully 2015!!! Blessings..

[Sawyer]

we try to avoid saying "I miss you" unless you really dont feel like anything else apart from I miss you!! when you say it too often than things look more grim and make you realise every time you say it that you are not together etc... we are quite moody though. But I hope its been helpful to you!

[Petals]

I say it all the time. I write him sappy things all the time. Lol. He's used to it now and he thinks it's cute. Plus, sometimes he randomly texts me and tells me how much he misses me and how much he wishes I was there. I think it's perfectly natural and healthy to express yourself. If you don't, it'll get all bottled up and bubble over. I can see how it could make you depressed, but I think it could also make you feel better and bring you two closer.

We say "I miss you" almost everyday, but it has different meanings at different times. 99% of the time it's not a negative - just an expression of how we are feeling.

If for some reason my SO hasn't text me at our usual time, then I will sometimes text "I miss you" as a nudge/reminder, rather than saying "hey, why haven't you text?"

At times, he will text and say that he misses my touch, my kisses etc. this is not negative neither because we always talk about how special our time together has been and our future etc.

Very rare, "I miss you" becomes a source of negative emotions for us. Even before we met in person we used to say 'I miss you' - It just means that when we are not talking, we miss each other and that is an emotional connection that we celebrate.


My SO and I are very emotional and sappy people and at least once per week our conversation revolves around how much we love each other, how lucky we are to finally be with 'the one' and how many babies we will have, what we will be like 10, 20, 30 years from now lol. We never get bored talking about this stuff, but I guess we are both needy people so the constant reassurance works for us.

Everyday he ends our conversation with "one day closer baby"

[R&R]

I don't see saying "I miss you" as a negative at all. We don't say it every day but it does get said at least a few times a week or more. I find that he's saying it more than me lately which is a switch. But even when I was visiting him and he had to work, knowing he would be home in a couple of hours, I sent him an "I miss you, get your ass home already" text. We miss each other and there's nothing wrong with that. Actually, I'd be quite concerned if we didn't miss each other or express that to each other.

[alw83]

We usually say it once or twice when talking each day, but we also usually follow it up with how thankful we are that we are able to talk that day and that in time we won't have to miss one another. Try to keep a balance.