I'm scared I've lost her

[R&R]

Read what you wrote. Everything is "I". "I want", "I refuse", "I would rather", "I need". How absolutely selfish you are being - and let me tell you, that is NOT love. No where do you ever put what SHE wants. She has ended the relationship. She has told you what she wants. You don't honor her requests, you don't respect her requests. You could care less about what is going to make her happy. She can't make it any clearer to you.

I broke up with someone in a CD relationship and he couldn't get it either. I ended up deleting him and blocking him. I had to tell him not to come to my 2nd job anymore. It almost involved a restraining order. When you are told it's over and to move and and you keep just hanging on.....honestly it makes you look so needy that it's even more of a turn off and you just want to get further away from that person.

[imjustaguy]

I use "I" because I'm the one talking right now. She can still have her life, but is it so much to ask to just still be there if I need her sometimes? You don't know our history and all I've been through. When I found out I had bi-polar, I didn't accept it. I tried to end my life twice, ending up in hospital both times. She has been there for me afterwards and helped me in ways that I can't even describe. And the thought of not having her anymore makes me feel like there's no point in anything anymore. You can tell me to speak to other people that can help, but with her I had a strong connection and she honestly saved my life more times than anyone even knows. So no, I can't just let her go, because I need her in more ways than one right now. And if it makes me selfish to hold onto her for my own safety then so be it

[differentcountries]

is it so much to ask to just still be there if I need her sometimes?

Yes, it is too much to expect her to do this. She broke up with you two weeks ago, she didn't ask to transfer that relation into your best friend slash nurse. It doesn't sound like an easy breakup on her part, she probably wants a break from your contact alltogether to take care of herself. If you need help you can't get from yourself or your friends, I would suggest getting proffesional aid. One of my closest friends recently found out that he is bipolar. He has tried on different medications and herbs, and gotten in contact with a bipolar organisation. Those are things you can do for yourself too.

[R&R]

You can't put that kind of pressure, responsibility or guilt-trip on her or anyone in your life. Quite honestly, it's not her responsibility or anyone else's. You are an adult. You alone are responsible for your own thoughts, actions and well-being.

I'm sorry that you have to deal with being bi-polar. I'm glad that she was there for you to help you through before. However, you need to seek professional help for this going forward. It is your responsibility to make sure that you are healthy, that you keep up with your well being and mental health. Others may wish to help but it comes down to you. You need to learn how to rely on yourself because there is never a guarantee of anyone staying in your life - that's just reality. You need to be able to function on your own as an individual and thrive on your own. This way you can have healthy relationships with other and should those relationships end, you are still able to maintain a positive outlook and move forward.

[Unconditional]

And if it makes me selfish to hold onto her for my own safety then so be it

This right here, I'm having a few problems with this. You shouldn't need to hold onto someone for your own safety. You should be able to pick yourself up and find a reason to live, not too live because of her, but to live because you deserve it. To live because you want to. Believe me, I can understand what happens to you when things go down the crapper, I'm just getting over shock right now from something big that happend in my life last year. When said big thing happend, mostly everyone I had tried to hold onto left, and I had to rely on myself, and my family and friends. Not some guy who said he'd be there and nevet really was.
Also I do agree, it is selfish of you. I never understood why some people want to grab ahold of the person who has decided to let them go. Then again, I always just let them go, because chances are they've thought about ending it so long that being with you while wanting to end it tore them up inside. If you love something, you'll let it go- you'll set it free. You cannot make someone stay who doesn't want to it leads to resentment later on.

The easiest thing with a break up I find is to go cold turkey. Stop talking (unless you ended on good terms and were friends before) and try to mend your heart. Talking to someone you love, and who used to love you isn't good when you know you won't be together, you're just delaying the inevitable, and making the inevitable hurt worse when it does come.

Don't get defensive when we're trying to help. I'm sure some who give the advice have been in a situation like the one your putting that girl in and all of us no matter if we know your past or not, are giving you the advice we think is the best in THIS situation. If you don't like it, then you don't have to take said advice, we are only trying to help. Wish you the best on whatever happens, and happiness in life.

[Unicorn26]

I feel for you very much. The pain is real and can be very hard to bear. 3 years is a long time to be part of someone life and the pain of her just leaving without proper closure or explanation is tough.

We've all been through having out hearts broken, I was married to a guy for 14 years , together for 21 years, we had children together, a beautiful home and a life plan and when all that failed I was devastated. But I'm ok now, in fact I'm stronger for it and you will be too.

Acknowledge the pain but dont let it rule you. I agree with previous posts and in my experience of being broken hearted (it's happened several times) the best thing to so is make sure all photos and things that remind you of her are right out of the way. I know it's hard because when you're so into somebody, everything around you seems to remind you of them.

Try to keep busy, see friends, go out, don't spend too much time alone. You will get over this I promise, and you will come out the other side a stronger wiser person. I know it's corny but it is true, time is a great healer. And lastly, don't bottle things up. If you need to cry, then do it. I always used to cry when I had a shower, it sounds silly but it was the only time I could get away from the kids etc and it was my time to crack and be weak where no one could see.

You will be ok sweetie, honestly you will. It may not feel that way right now but you're so much stronger than you think. Sending you hugs and inner strength xxx

[Dwessie]

We have had fights in the past. When it gets heated, we both say mean things. She has told me lots of times that she's done, but she would always come back saying she misses me and stuff. It's just a little longer this time and I'm still waiting, but I have hopes that she will text me again...

Don't wanna be That Girl but that's not even a fun and healthy and stable relationship anyway. You both are probably better off if you don't bother with this anymore.

[p_b82]

Sounds like the year of fighting and mini breakups made her realise that the relationship was not actually 'good' for her, and she has moved on.

I was with my ex for 5.5 years, we bought house together and had no major fights but had one underlying issue that we were trying to work out, and then she just told me - it is over... I went away for work that next day for a week, and then found out she had been sleeping around that week I was gone... It was over with no chance ever to be repaired after she did that - she even brought one of them back to the flat we owned while I was still living there....

I am saying this, as under the circumstances while it hurts you, this is not a very cruel way to have been broken up with - she has told you she is happier now you two are not together, and you must respect that - you have said your piece, she has told you how she feels, and she doesn't owe you anything any more, yes 3 years is a long time, but by the sound of it, the past 12 months have not really been that great....

Good luck with handling the heartbreak, and don't do anything silly - seek profesional help, and in time you will learn not to devote so much emotion to her, and move on. It took me 14 months to fully heal and be in a position to have another relationship with some-one again.

[Honour]

I was with my ex for 3 years, and all it did was bring me constant torment, pain and heartache. Literally. I got out of it and completely removed him from my life when I realised he didn't give a damn, and was done. His excuse was "I never thought we'd be together because of your health." So. I'm gonna add to the logic already given: Move on. She has moved on, and now so should you. Lingering and dwelling on the past ain't gonna do anyone any good, least of all you.