Home Struggles

[bubblehits]

November/December 2014 I made my first visit to see my boyfriend in that states, turned 21 and came home. Before I left, things seemed pretty good at home, my parents where nervous about me going away for 4 weeks but once they realised I was safe it was okay.

Now I'm home I feel like my family relationships are becoming strained. My dad is having a tough time at work, so he's been all stressed out and he gets angry and shouts when he's like that. He literally just called me and my brother 'ungrateful little c***s' because we didn't eat an egg. My sister is in college getting ready for exams and such so she spends the best part of a day in our room, my brother has his own room, my mum works nights so she sleeps during the day, I have nowhere I can go to relax or sit and Skype my boyfriend when I'm having a bad time. I'm a pretty independent person and I've wanted to move out and live on my own or with a housemate since i was 16 but I can't afford it. I work 16 hours a week and the money basically adds up to a months rent, no food, no electric, internet or whatever else, just rent. As much as I want to, I can't support myself on my own.

My boyfriend wants me to move to the US and I want to so bad but I've seen how hard it is. Right now, he doesn't work and shares an apartment with 2 other guys, he barely scrapes together the money for rent each month but here he goes saying he is already getting things prepared in case, while on my next visit this year, I decide not to go back home. I keep telling him I can't do that, if I'm going to move i'm going to do it right.

I'm just struggling to keep myself together, I want to move out so badly but I just can't afford it, I can barely afford my plane tickets to see my boyfriend and in my mind, seeing him is more of a priority.

Anyone else in or been in a similar boat.

[R&R]

I'm sorry it's been rough for you since you got back. Personally, I'd start seeking full-time employment asap. I don't know how employment is where you are, but if it might take awhile, you should start.

Both you and your SO both need to become more financially stable. This will benefit both of you in the long run. I understand visiting him is important but so is your peace of mind and your ability to be able to provide for yourself. Everyone makes sacrifices in a relationship. IMHO, I think right now you need to focus more on your own personal stability than your next trip.

[differentcountries]

Well, it is no wonder you don't have a lot of money if neither of you work full time... I don't know if you can get more work or could get benifits or what your situation is.

I used to share a room with my sister after becoming and adult and I feel your pain. I used to occupy the bathroom just to be alone! I couldn't afford to move on my own while I was still in compulsory school, but after I started uni I did. With student loan and working part time I could afford a decent place on my own.

[Unicorn26]

I can totally identify with your struggles, you're in a tricky situation as there's no help for young people these days if you want to move out of home. The welfare reforms mean it's virtually impossible it make ends meet and new legislation that's being brought in for no welfare whatsoever for under 25's is only going to make things worse.

The only answer here is to get more hours. Get a second job, even if it's a rubbish one. Save every penny you possibly can whilst you're still living with your parents.

I have two kids, two big dogs and a massive load of debt that my ex husband left me with. I work my arse off in two jobs to keep a roof over our heads, pay my bills, run a car and pay for childcare. I still manage to find a way of saving at least £100 a month tho. If I can do it, so can you. If you want this badly enough, you're gunna have to make massive sacrifices. I'm sure he's worth it!!! Look for more work/hours, it will keep you away from the toxic atmosphere at home and focus your mind on the end result. Nothing worth having comes easy!

Peace and love, sending you inner strength!!!

[p_b82]

Just have to echo what the other's have said... I don't know what rental prices are like in the part of the UK you live in, but in order to afford rent in a shared house, you'll need probably twice that number hours a week, and to rent on your own at least 40 I'd say.

Short of staying out the house when you are not working, I am not sure what to suggest - maybe arrange a 'window' with your sister where she goes to the library, or works downstairs while you talk to your BF?

It is a shared room after all, and while exams are important, she does not have to sit in your joint room 24/7 to revise.