Help expressing feeling with LDR with SO

[Kathryn606]

Hello, this is my first LDR. The beginning seemed so easy and that we could overcome anything. We text, talked on the phone, and did FaceTime all the time. We have seen each other two e and both times I bec overly nervous. The last time we saw each other once he went back home things changed. He is in the middle of a divorce so when he moved he had to find a new job. So I know he is busy but it seems like he is too busy for me. I don't want to feel like I am being a needy gf but we went from 5000 texts a day to 100. I'm just confused with what to do and how to approach the topic with him. Please any advice will help.

[Unconditional]

Someone wise on here once said, "if they love you, they'll make time, if not they'll make excuses."
It is true- if they care for you, they'll find a way to make time for you. Regardless of wheb that time is. I say schedeule atleast one day a week to actually talk on the phone, not just text, I find phone calls and skype is better than texting when it come to slow communication weeks. But of course that could just be me. If you want more communication, ask. I can't imagine he'd say no if he truly cares for you.

[snow_girl]

Shit, texting lots every day we didn't reach 5000 messages untill after 5 months. Maybe after the initial spark of things are gone there isn't as much to talk about and he is legit busy to talk that much. 100 texts a day is still a crap load

[Unconditional]

Shit, texting lots every day we didn't reach 5000 messages untill after 5 months. Maybe after the initial spark of things are gone there isn't as much to talk about and he is legit busy to talk that much. 100 texts a day is still a crap load

Now that I think about it- idk how I missed that information.. that IS a lot of texts. I don't think I'd be able to mamage 100 texts a day.. 0_0

[whatruckus]

Shit, texting lots every day we didn't reach 5000 messages untill after 5 months. Maybe after the initial spark of things are gone there isn't as much to talk about and he is legit busy to talk that much. 100 texts a day is still a crap load

Lol, I wish I got more than like 5 texts a day. We do talk on FB, but even still, no where near that much.

I agree with the other ladies. He could either be stressed out about the divorce, or that spark is gone. Talk to him about it. Just ask if he's alright, and let him know that you noticed you two don't talk as much.

[CanadianGirl]

I can only guess what he's going through right now, but going through a divorce and being unemployed (if I read that right?) are a pretty good recipe for depression or something like it. The only way to know what's up, because something is, is to just plain ask him why he's been communicating less.

[Kathryn606]

I was doing research about LDR and if he is busy I understand. I don't expect us to text all day. But he doesn't always let me know what's going on and it makes it harder for me to feel connected to him. I know he loves and cares for me. I just don't think he understand how much harder the distance is for me. I am also a stay at home mom so I have so much time on my hands. hmm I guess I want to know if it's me being needy for wanting to know what's going on and what he is up to. A quick text in the morong to let me know his plans for the day. Is that needy?

[vicks5721]

my advice is to express how you feel to find out why things have changed, it could be he is highly stressed right now and some people like to have space rather than talk about it, but you never know maybe he will open up and talk about things if that is what is going on. I have never counted how many texts we write to each other everyday but I know it is alot, lately it is now less as My SO started a new job working nights and so when I am awake he is asleep and I go to sleep when he arrives at work, we used to text and skype about 5/6 hours a day or more, now it is about 2/3 hours. I do agree with what others said, no matter how busy your boyfriend is if he truly loves you he will make time for you, even if it is less than before.

[Kathryn606]

Thank you everyone for the great advice. I'm so happy to have found this site

[vicks5721]

I was doing research about LDR and if he is busy I understand. I don't expect us to text all day. But he doesn't always let me know what's going on and it makes it harder for me to feel connected to him. I know he loves and cares for me. I just don't think he understand how much harder the distance is for me. I am also a stay at home mom so I have so much time on my hands. hmm I guess I want to know if it's me being needy for wanting to know what's going on and what he is up to. A quick text in the morong to let me know his plans for the day. Is that needy?

I understand where you are coming from, I know months ago both me and my SO needed constant reassurance alot, specially if either one of us hasn't heard from the other in a while, but we realised over time we will always be together and so the worrying etc faded into nothing, we did feel secure in our relationship but we felt we needed constant texts and so on often. I know how it feels to have plenty of time on your hands, I don't work right now as we are finalising the Fiance visa paperwork and so it made more sense I wait until I get to America and we close the distance. I don't think it's needy at all, it's normal to like getting texts in the morning, my SO and I used to regularly send them to each other. It's important to know what is going on, as maybe he might not have internet connection or cellphone credit when he is out and of course you would then worry, so I think it's kind to tell each other where you will be going etc.

[whatruckus]

When it happened to me, I talked to my SO about it. He said it was because he just didn't really feel like talking that much. Lol. It's understandable. Some people are like that. Plus, when you first get together, like snow_girl said, you have the super spark, and you're really excited to talk all the time. After a while, trying to keep that up, it gets exhausting. Mine rarely lets me know what's going on. -_- He's so bad at that. I'm always nagging him.

But, the point is, we talked about it instead of me stressing about it so much. Plus, I got used to it. Now, I don't really feel the urge to know what's going on with him alllll the time. I'm just like, "Meh, he'll call/text/FB me eventually." Or, I initiate.

[Kathryn606]

We text every morning and every evening. I think my biggest struggle is that we talked all the time and then this past Sunday he stopped texting all day. And I don't expect it and I know it's hard when he is busy. But the amount we talked dropped so much I guess it makes me feel like I am struggling so much more then him. maybe I just thinking into it to much?

[whatruckus]

We text every morning and every evening. I think my biggest struggle is that we talked all the time and then this past Sunday he stopped texting all day. And I don't expect it and I know it's hard when he is busy. But the amount we talked dropped so much I guess it makes me feel like I am struggling so much more then him. maybe I just thinking into it to much?

Could be, but like I said, just ask him if he's alright, since it happened so suddenly. No harm in that.

[Petals]

We text every morning and every evening. I think my biggest struggle is that we talked all the time and then this past Sunday he stopped texting all day. And I don't expect it and I know it's hard when he is busy. But the amount we talked dropped so much I guess it makes me feel like I am struggling so much more then him. maybe I just thinking into it to much?

You could talk to him about this in a non-confrontational manner, but I'm also inclined to think that you should find ways to occupy your time and don't get hang up on the number of texts and if he texts all day on a Sunday or not. Focus on quality of communication and not so much the frequency since he is actually texting you frequently - just not as much as before.

A divorce is very stressful and he will experience all sorts of emotional turmoil during the process, which has nothing to do with you. He might need time to process those emotions especially if children are involved and it was a very long marriage.

You can always let him know that you are missing those days when you would text all day or when he would tell you his plans for the day as that makes you feel connected to him more. Listen to his response then decide if this issue requires further probing or you need to adjust your expectations...

My fiancé goes through spurts where he is very busy and our routine is disrupted, but he always gives me warning so I know what to expect. He also reassures me during these times - " I know I have been super busy lately baby, but two more weeks and this madness will cool off- I miss you and please know that I'm not neglecting you"

When he says something like that - how can I be mad at him lol. I just have to suck it up and deal with the few texts I get each day or a 1hr Skype weekend call instead of 4hrs, until he has more time to talk.