I still think you have a too rose-tinted view of the situation. You having to wait until summer to visit is one thing. More importantly, your new information tells that he will most likely soon mourn both the loss of his son and the upcoming loss of his parents - and if his parents don't die soon that can make him very, very tired taking care of them until they do. I have witnessed how it affects a man to loose contact with his son - my brother-in-law almost dissapeared in a depression over it. One man I know is currently aiding his soon-to-die of cancer parents, and I feel so bad about how broken he feels. Your SO does both of these things, and going through a divorce too. AND he is long distance with you. Your situation is grim, that is not something we make up but that comes from the things you convey to us. I am sure we don't know half the story, and if you want different comments you might want to convey more from that other half of the story.
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I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
- Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"
"Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits -
Farandaway, it's great you're gaining some stability for your relationship and how to gauge future plans. I think your conditions for the summer visit are a good way to go, it'll help both of you. The increased distance does suck but you're right, just more travel (and a more expensive ticket) but the ability to talk more openly is good. The situation sounds challenging but hopefully it'll work out well.When two hearts are meant for each other, no distance is too far,
no time is too long, and no other love can break them apart.
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That sounds good. There is now a time limit, and summer will be here before you know it. If he really is into the divorce process by then, you may just be alright.Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert EinsteinComment
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He is going through a lot, there is no question about it. But what if I gave up at a moment like this? It's much much harder for him and if I broke up with him he'd have still another great heartache to deal with. Love means supporting through good and bad times and he's been there for me when I went through my divorce. He did not choose his parents to get old and sick just now. So I will try to be there for him. It will be very stressful for him to pack up and move. His Dad is getting worse and it could be he only has weeks to go. Our future plans can surely wait for a while longer.
It doesn't mean that I don't want to talk about our future. I still want to know if we could possibly see in the spring. He'd have to come here because I'm not going to his hometown before he is single and also my kids won't have any time off until June. I couldn't stop myself googling divorce proceedings in his state and it takes about 5months minimum if he starts it as soon as he goes back. If his ex moves out of the country I would imagine it makes everything harder. If he moves out of state it makes everything harder. Don't they have to meet in court or can it be done online? I have not wanted to push this subject with him but I need to know and I will ask when he is back next week and we can peacefully talk. I know he will divorce but he could act on it a little faster...Comment
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update on my situation. It's been pretty horrible up to the point I was so distracted on the road I wrecked my car the other day. My so has been so sick with stress he could barely get out of bed. It's not been helpful that I push him with our future when he can't handle day to day. Thank god he is finally getting better. When he is sick he is so down and I hear every single thing that is wrong in his life. In some ways it's good that we are close and I'm the one he opens up to and I know he has no one else. He is very independent but he needs my support.
I can see the sun now. We had a wonderful long Valentine's Day talk. He is staying on east coast a little longer but is getting ready to get a new passport (so he can visit me) and finding out about how to start the divorce process. Now when he has decided to not stay, his ex will follow her company to Europe. There will be no coparenting and it's a very complicated relationship with his son when son has very different ideas on family life based on his cultural background. SO has done his best with him and they will stay good friends but soon they will live a distance apart.
We talked about our future in Finland. I have important choices to make with my life, housing, work, kids' schools, my ex. Every choice I make will be closer to a future with my SO. I trust our future. LDRs are difficult but knowing him has shaped me into a more patient person. He is very sweet and lovely and as long as we keep talking about our future I know it will happen one day. Three years together and a future with many more years. Today was really a good day, it set my mind at peace at least for a while.Comment
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Where there is a will, there is a way. It sounds like a hard situation, but if it were your parents, wouldn't you do the same? Or maybe you would bring him with you? Maybe he should have brought you with him. But you can't expect someone else to make decisions the way you do.
The best thing to do, is to talk to him. Maybe you need to be going with him.From America to India. ♥Comment
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