Is there ever a good time to break it off?

[Locket]

This is my first time posting so I'm a bit nervous. I'll try and keep it as short as possible.

I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months and only 4 of those months have we actually been together (in person). I never wanted a LDR but when I met him last year and it came to that point, I thought I'd be able to manage. Basically, I've come to realize that I can't. I know the relationship would work if we were together, but we're not. Here is where things get complicated: I'm moving back home in 2 months after I finish at university, but he might go away when the school year starts again in September for study abroad. That means we'll only have another 4 months together before being apart again. I'll also be moving away again at the beginning of next year for more schooling, so even if he comes back after studying abroad, I'd be leaving shortly after. And when I go, I'll be even farther than before I won't have the opportunities to come home as often as I do now. I know that next year when I leave again, I do not want to be in a LDR. I'm just wondering if I should end it with him now, when I get back, or enjoy what limited time we have together before I leave again.

Any feedback is much appreciated.

On a side note: I have continuously been struggling with my mental health for the past 4 years. I thought getting a boyfriend would help make me happier and it did, but now that we're together but apart I'm more depressed than when I was single. My biggest concern is my health and happiness - something I've never been able to establish. (is it terrible for me to not want anything to stand in the way of my happiness, even if it means hurting someone else?)

[Moon]

Well, if you're completely sure this is something you don't want, why prolong it? If you know you can't do this, don't spend the next several months together, letting your feelings grow deeper, as it will make the end that much more painful for you both. Also, if your SO is unaware of this, it's not fair to him to lead him on, when you know you're going to end it, so do the right thing.

[Honour]

Don't raise his hopes only to have them crushed. As Moon said, it's unfair to him. Do what you need to do, but make sure you do it the right way.

[R&R]

I'm in agreement with Moon and Honour. It is better to end things now than to drag them out. If you don't want the relationship, there is nothing wrong with that. Not everyone is cut out for a LDR. Give him his freedom so he can move forward with his life.

I also hope you are seeking help for your mental health issues. You need to be okay with yourself and find happiness in your individual life. Don't rely on others for your happiness (or any emotions, actually) as it is up to you how you will live your life.

[Miasmata]

A relationship isn't a therapist, thus it can't really fix mental health issues. A partner is a great addition to your support network, but can never replace professional help. Please seek out the help you need, you deserve to get better!

[Unconditional]

A relationship isn't a therapist, thus it can't really fix mental health issues. A partner is a great addition to your support network, but can never replace professional help. Please seek out the help you need, you deserve to get better!

I have to agree with this right here. A partner would indeed be foolish to think that they could simply help you, or rather fix, these mental health issues. Yes, a partner is great for support, but you need more than that.

As far as ending the relationship, if you feel the need to end it now, then do. It is ridiculous to continue a relationship when you feel like ending it.
I also agree with Moon and the other posters.

[merlinkitty]

On a side note: I have continuously been struggling with my mental health for the past 4 years. I thought getting a boyfriend would help make me happier and it did, but now that we're together but apart I'm more depressed than when I was single. My biggest concern is my health and happiness - something I've never been able to establish. (is it terrible for me to not want anything to stand in the way of my happiness, even if it means hurting someone else?)

I think you pretty much know what you want to do. It's the when that's the question. The thing I wanted to touch base with you about is the last part of your post. Make sure you're taking care of you. Whatever it takes. When you take care of you, you're better able to have more fulfilling relationships with others. It isn't terrible for you to want to be happy, especially if you know that being with someone is contributing to mental health issues. My suggestion is to do what you gotta do to free yourself and then follow Miasmata's advice. There's something strong about seeking professional help. So take care of yourself hun