My SO is so sad because his Dad is in a care home and has Alzheimer's and can't remember where he is and is very scared. SO wants to spend time taking care of him. I miss him so much. I wish somehow the circumstances were different but they are not. I wish his Dad was better. I wish this were not so hard on SO. I wish we could have more time together. I feel so distant. When he's moved further west we have bigger time difference and he can't get to his office so early. If I don't stay up late I can't see him at all. When I see him I'm sad because of all of this. Then he is sad about his Dad and I can't be wanting him any more because it's his Dad and he wants to take care of him. He is trying to work and he wants to come to see me in May. We're aiming for that but nothing is certain. It's hard and sad and there is no solution to this, we just have to wait it out. I have my work and kids but I'm missing him so much. I'm trying to find encouragement here.
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I'm sorry you're dealing with all that right now. Just try to think positively and keep your head up! I know it's difficult but be sure to let your SO know you are there for him and I'm sure he is there for you when he can be. I wish you two the best and I hope everything works out! Take care of yourself and try to enjoy yourself the best you can.
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Dealing with sick parents is not easy. I don't have the care responsability that your SO possably has, but my mum is sick with Parkinson, she is physically frail and at times she behaves as though she has dementia or Alzheimers. It is hard on my dad and everyone else in the family, especially since my mum can be very rude to people now which she was never when she was well. She is not my mum as I used to know her, at least not all the time. There is a grief that most people in such situations have to work through. After you are through, it gets easier. I plan to "have" my mum quite a bit to take the preassure of my dad, now that I feel fine with my mum shaking, going too fast or slow, sometimes talking to me with a voice like a little girl and on bad days having to be looked after like a child.
Luckily your SOs dad is in a home and not living with him. By taking care of him, I assume your SO means talking to him, visit him a lot, and take care of some of his needs. A lot of people are scared in care homes at first they don't understand why they are there but often it gets better once they settle.
It will probably be good for SO to visit you and get away. Talk to him, listen, but also not everything can revolve around his Dad - hopefully when the dust settles he can breathe more easily.I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
- Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"
"Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visitsComment
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Thank you for replies. My SO is so very responsible. He will always put his family first, right now even before me but I understand and I think it should be this way also. His Dad is in good care and SO wants to be with him a lot. With someone who has Alzheimer's it's very difficult to explain that they are safe and taken care of when their mind says something else. Then SO ended up spending 5 hours with Dad trying calm him down and make him feel loved. He was so sad about that. We don't talk much because he also wants to arrange his contacts and connections and get projects. He will not be visiting me as a tourist, he will have at least some meetings but hopefully we can have some peaceful time together and with my kids also. I'm already afraid it's not going to be much more than a week. Not talking much hurts too. There is so much to say but we don't really get there because of all the worries and lack of time. I feel pain in my heart and anxiousness for not getting close enough to him. We have not been intimate in any way for months, probably not since I came home in the beginning of January. At least we have what's app and we use that a lot throughout the day.Comment
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The thing with people who have little short term memory is that you can't really make them feel safe over a longer period of time. They are going to misunderstand, and then forget, and then forget, and tomorrow they are going to forget that they even talked to your about it. A bit part of dealing with it is just coming to terms with having to sort of reinvent yourself and the other person every time you meet them. I am lucky in a sense because my mum is finally able to find some peace in her little girl role - she was the littlest one in her family once. She basically often behaves as if I am her mum, which is both reassuring (she obviously trusts me) and very sad (I miss my mum). It is nice of SO to focus on his Dad, still the important thing is that he doesn't exhaust himself while he is still greiving the loss of function. Also, is he aware that you miss him so?Originally posted by farandaway View PostI made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
- Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"
"Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visitsComment
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Just keep letting him know you're there for him, it'll really mean a lot to him.
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