Just came back from a 4 month visit... and it is killing me

[Phantomrose]

I just came back from a fourth month visit to England, and I find myself crying a lot more than I usually do when I go on these visits. We were technically together in person for six months, since he came to the States back in September, and in November, we both made a trip to England. I find that these visits are getting harder, and harder to handle. The good news is that he might be coming for two weeks in December to spend Christmas and New Years. The bad news is that we cannot do anything about the distance until he can get a stable job in England. After going back and forth of where we want to close the distance, we decided that England would be the best option, since he is closer to his family, and since I've grown to love it there. I love, how in London, public transport is easy, and I love how the shops are just a walk away from his house. Everything just feels so right when I am there. We want to have a goal of getting everything straightened out by next year, so we can start on the paperwork for a Visa. In the meantime, how do you cope from coming back from a very long visit? How do you keep yourself together, and from crying at every waking moment?

[MissingMyDutchLove]

I have a feeling that I will be experiencing many of the things that you mention once I return home after living with my SO for six months. I don't know how I will cope. To be honest, I'm kind of scared for that day since I have no idea when I will see him next, which is a scary thought. Be thankful for the fact that you have a visit coming in the not too distant future (even if December is a ways away) and focus on the fact that you intend to close the distance relatively soon! You have an end in sight! That must be an amazing feeling! As far as coping goes, just do what you have always done. You may be feeling worse than normal with such a long visit, but eventually you will get back into the swing of things on your own again. As we tell all of the newbies, keep yourself busy and try to focus on something other than missing your SO. Good luck to you and I hope that you are able to cope!

[nears]

In my experience, the only way to cope is to let it out. Give it a week for full blown sadness and however long you need in a mild zombie-like state. Slowly, you'll begin to feel capable again. The great thing about LDRs is the low level of immediate commitment. You'll be able to do what you need and truly pine and feel incredibly lonely at night. What a great trade-off!

[Phantomrose]

Thanks, you two. I am trying my hardest to keep busy, and focus on other things. Thankfully, I start going back to work tomorrow, so that should keep me really busy, lol. Communicating with my SO also seems to help a bit. I guess it feels somewhat normal to communicate over the internet again, just like before the visit.

[differentcountries]

While we have never done a really long visit, after a month or more together it feels really strange to be apart. We cope by recognice the strangeness and saying it is ok to be sad or feel weird.

[Alle1770]

I've done a couple of long-time visits to my SO, the longest one was about 5,5 months so I know exactly how you feel. Having lived together for so long and getting used to having one another there in a completely different way than if it's "just" a shorter visit takes a toll on you once you have to part again. I agree with Nears on this one, or at least that applies to me as well - just letting it out. Being upset and feeling like the world has ended is okay. I think I cried for like 4 days straight when I got back home last time. And then, after a while, you just sort of get back into the whole LDR thing. Just like you get used to living with each other you get used to being apart again. Which sucks, but yeah. Best of luck!

[Ella85]

Not the same as you because I only went for 2 weeks. But I cried for 2 weeks straight when i got back from the US and I still tear up now after being back a month. What helps is getting back into your routine, distracting yourself. I am doing a college course, working 2 jobs and I have a kid. I try not to let myself have too much alone time because that is when it hurts most. Especially when we can't always talk because of the time gap and our schedules. I also run and work out.