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He doesn't trust me

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    #1

    He doesn't trust me

    I met my boyfriend, Takeshi, about 4 months ago on Interpals. We have talked every single day since then on skype and messaging apps and love each other a lot <3

    He is 19 and I am 17, we've never met and live across the world from each other. The time difference is hard, but also, since I am still in highschool and he is in college, we don't have much time to talk.

    He never seems to trust me and thinks I flirt with everyone at school. It doesn't help that prom was this past weekend and I went with my ex boyfriend (we had decided to go together as friends long before I met Takeshi). We went as friends and he is like a brother to me, but Takeshi still is jealous and hurt. Not he wants to take a break and I'm afraid he's going to abandon me and forget about me.

    I know we haven't known each other long, but it seems as if it's been years and I've never felt this strong of love for anybody before.

    I need advice! What can I do to earn his trust?
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    #2
    Have you brought his jealousy up with him, at all? Has he been willing to talk about his issues or is he just eager to control your life? Be honest with yourself. A relationship with a person who never trusts you is exhausting and quickly becomes impossible. Especially over the distance, you need to have faith in each other, or you are just running yourself ragged and unhappy.

    ~
    It'll take a lot more than words and guns
    A whole lot more than riches and muscle
    The hands of the many must join as one
    And together we'll cross the river

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      #3
      4 months is a long time for him to "not trust" you. It seems especially weird if the closest you ever were to flirt with others were to go to a public event with someone you feel platonically about. You have done nothing wrong, and still he punishes you with giving your relationship a break. I imagine he is very sweet, but during the first six months you really set up the frame for the rest of your relationship. If you can't deal with simple communication now, love is going to wear itself out. And you can't really work on your communication skills much if he puts the relationship on hold. I have never accepted breaks in a relationship... Either you are in, or you are out.
      Last edited by differentcountries; April 27, 2015, 03:32 PM.
      I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
      - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



      "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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        #4
        I realize that not being American, he may not know the importance of prom, but the fact that he expected you not to go, and break off plans you made months before meeting him, sends up a red flag to me. If he's this jealous and hurt, and constantly accuses you of flirting, after only four months, how bad do you think he'll get once the relationship progresses further? Guys like that don't usually get better with time. I know you feel like you're in love, but you need to really think about what you'll get out of this relationship. Jealousy and mistrust becomes exhausting, as Miasmata said, and it will also make you miserable. It'll crush your self-esteem and leave you questioning yourself, and disgusted.

        We cannot tell you what to do to earn the trust of someone who won't trust you, that's impossible. Let him have his break, and take the time to really decide if you want to be with someone who refuses to trust you. Unless you've given him a truly legitimate reason not to, he's ridiculous.
        Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

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          #5
          Originally posted by Moon View Post
          I realize that not being American, he may not know the importance of prom, but the fact that he expected you not to go, and break off plans you made months before meeting him, sends up a red flag to me. If he's this jealous and hurt, and constantly accuses you of flirting, after only four months, how bad do you think he'll get once the relationship progresses further? Guys like that don't usually get better with time. I know you feel like you're in love, but you need to really think about what you'll get out of this relationship. Jealousy and mistrust becomes exhausting, as Miasmata said, and it will also make you miserable. It'll crush your self-esteem and leave you questioning yourself, and disgusted.

          We cannot tell you what to do to earn the trust of someone who won't trust you, that's impossible. Let him have his break, and take the time to really decide if you want to be with someone who refuses to trust you. Unless you've given him a truly legitimate reason not to, he's ridiculous.
          This times a million. Four months and he doesn't trust you already? I really don't understand what you could've done (short of actually cheating) that he could be so worried about. Prom is prom. Nothing even happens at prom, it's just a stereotype. I went with my Ex-bf senior year, he was a junior. Nothing happened. Lol. We went as friends and I was the one who asked him.

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