Starting to feel like the relationship is one sided

[The Doctor]

I am trying to be there and support her but there have been times where she's almost at the point of suicide and when she gets like that she won't let me phone a hospital or a counselor for her and says she would never be able to trust me again if I did so because she's scared she would lose her job and lose her current place that she lives in but I don't want to leave her because I know that would make things worse and she would be sent into an even worse downward spiral then what she already is so I feel kind of in the middle

[Miasmata]

Again, you can't repace a therapist. If she's really that deeply depressed that she threatens things if you would get help for her, that's honestly all the more reason to do it. Healthy people don't say something like that. If she's a danger to herself or others, as much as it hurts, you NEED to tell someone closer and more equipped to help her. We all want to do the right thing for our partners, and sometimes, it's not the thing they necessarily want. I'm way against forcing treatment on people, but with suicidal people, you are NOT doing them any favors by sitting it out. She could seriously hurt herself. And no, the job thing isn't an excuse - When someone is this depressed, they are already in grave danger of losing their job and home. She needs help, now. No ifs or buts about it.

[The Doctor]

Thank you and I don't mean to sound selfish saying this but this is why I think her doing this Zine is a bad idea right now because she's just sweeping the real issues at hand under the carpet and trying to avoid it all

[ronjaandbirk]

It depends. Ofc avoiding problems is not a good thing, but at the same time at least she is doing something rather than being apathic. The thing that makes depression so difficult for the loved ones of the ill person is that we are the ones they take it out on. Ofc its easier being amongst people that dont know their dark side. Pretending to be fine is also temporary nnit being confronted with the issue.
I guess thats why someone depressed might seem distant sometimes because we know their dark side, so they can't pretend and that is hard for them. It's just something you need to remind yourself of while dealing with a situation like this. It's not personal. The fact she says she manipulated you into loving her makes me think she doesnt see herself as someone worthy of love so she needs that explanation for herself.

As for her threatening to lose trust in case of you getting help for her: if she is in danger of harming herself you can't pay attention to that. If she is not ready to get help one can see where she is coming from because she doesnt want you to reveal her secret but when it gets dangerous that doesnt matter. So if you feel you have to, phone help. she might get furious at first, but once she gets help and gets better she will also realise you only meant well for her and this is not a reason to mistrust you, but the opposite.

What worked for me personally is that I told my (depressed) boyfriend that with his behaviour he was not only harming himself, but also me, and that it hurt me to see him that way and that I couldnt keep watching it. I ultimately gave him a deadline: seek help in the next 4 weeks or I will write to your parents. It worked and he got help. However, i think in many cases a deadline does mire harm then good so be super careful with going down that route!!!! Always try to be as understanding as you can and never blame her. She is sick and it is not her fault, so never say you hurt me with xxx, say it hurts me to see you so sad and I want you to get better.