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**snow_girl** · June 8, 2015, 03:59 PM

You don't have to cry at every parting and be in a constant state of morose to miss someone. I never ever cry and I don't sit around thinking about how much I miss him everyday, because truth is, yea sure it sucks when he isn't around but I don't particularly miss him. I get on with my day and we talk and I know he is there so other then a morning cuddle I don't dwell on what i'm missing out on. I definitely missed him more when we first started dating cause things were new and exciting and now its become the norm so yea I don't miss him like I did when we started dating but that doesn't mean its a bad thing. If you actually start to forget him, then maybe you're relationship has run its course. I went without my ex SO for 6 months straight and I never forgot about him.

**whatruckus** · June 8, 2015, 04:10 PM

If you talk to him every day, or often, then there's no way you're going to forget about him.

I miss my SO all the time, but I don't let it consume my life. I think about him all the time, as he's in the back of mind constantly. But, I'm not going to dwell on it because that's counterproductive.

It's okay to be sad sometimes about it.

Also, like snow_girl said, it's just become the "norm" and I got "used" to being away from him. We've always been LD. It is harder when you go from being CD to LD because it's an adjustment, but you get used to being apart after a little while. It still sucks, though.

I'm not going to see my SO for a month. When we first started dating, I saw him every weekend, then as money got tight, we've had to stretch it out to every other week - whenever we're not busy. I've gone a couple months without seeing him because I had no car, and he had military things. Since we've been together, May - July seems to be busy for me because of holidays and birthdays and I tend to not see him for a month to month and a half.

**differentcountries** · June 8, 2015, 05:07 PM

I used to be very much like crying towards the end of visits and after coming home. Now it is more normal, it is just my life. I will not cry as much when I leave him. I will cry when my YouTube account gives me Turkish commercials instead of Norwegian ones (because I use YouTube much more in Turkey than in Norway). I will cry when sometimes I think of something I miss, like the way his ears smell. I will think of him when I write him cards or text him. But I will not be concious every day that he is away and I am here without him and so on. Sometimes 3 weeks passes and I am simply ok with everything, and then I visit him and it is fine. At other times I am like fuck the distance attitude several days a week for a month. There is really no right answer. I think about money a lot because I am pretty sure I cannot afford the frequent flying forever, it also may interfere with future work. So I think a lot about closing the distance issues, but the LD itself I am mostly fine with. I miss him but that is ok. I know that I will see him so my longing has a direction. And I am not obliged to feel miserable just because we are not together, I have no problem having fun without him too.

**snow_girl** · June 8, 2015, 05:34 PM

Originally posted by differentcountries View Post

I will cry when sometimes I think of something I miss, like the way his ears smell.

I think you might have to explain this one DC

**differentcountries** · June 8, 2015, 08:33 PM

Originally posted by snow_girl View Post

I think you might have to explain this one DC

Usually people don't smell much to me, but SO usually has this interesting, almost burnt but still very fresh smell - I think because he spends a lot of time outdoors in the sun and then mixed with his parfumes. I like the smell of his neck, especially the skin right behind his ears. He is rather hairy, so the rest of his skin smells differently than the "pure" skin of his neck/ears. I have fallen asleep many times holding him and snuggle up to him with my mouth and nose close to his ears, so that smell, or the memory of it, is a very strong trigger to me.

**whatruckus** · June 8, 2015, 08:50 PM

Originally posted by differentcountries View Post

Usually people don't smell much to me, but SO usually has this interesting, almost burnt but still very fresh smell - I think because he spends a lot of time outdoors in the sun and then mixed with his parfumes. I like the smell of his neck, especially the skin right behind his ears. He is rather hairy, so the rest of his skin smells differently than the "pure" skin of his neck/ears. I have fallen asleep many times holding him and snuggle up to him with my mouth and nose close to his ears, so that smell, or the memory of it, is a very strong trigger to me.

I can understand what you're saying. I like the way my SO smells. Just not when he doesn't shower. Lol! He can be a pretty stinky guy when he doesn't shower.

**R&R** · June 8, 2015, 09:11 PM

The last two visits with my SO, I didn't cry when we separated. I don't cry when we are apart. There are days when I miss him a lot and days when I don't miss him at all. I think about him every day. (It's hard not to when I wake up to pics of him in my room, pics of him on my desk and work and a pic of him as my background on my phone LOL.)

Since our first visit, the longest we have had between visits is 6 months. I used to get something with his scent on it when we parted, but now I just have a couple of shirts. For me, now that we have had multiple visits, I find it much easier and don't get so caught up in the emotions. There's nothing wrong with having days where you aren't feeling overwhelmed by missing him. You just get used to it after awhile.

**Marleen** · June 9, 2015, 04:36 AM

Thank you all!

I don't know what was wrong with me, I guess I just had a minor break-down. You are right, off course we shouldn't be sad all the time, and luckily that is not the case. I think now we're 6 weeks apart again, it's become more like a lifestyle and I became used to it. Which is a good thing, it will make the next 4 weeks go by easier. I still think about him all through the day. Thank you! I really hope I can give advise and wise words to a newbie some day too

**MissingMyDutchLove** · June 9, 2015, 07:58 AM

Hello! A little late to the game, but I thought I'd share my thoughts on this one. I think this is a pretty common fear to have. You've spent however long without your SO (my longest so far has been 7 months without a visit) and you think that everything is great, but then a visit is coming up and you start to have fears that you won't feel the same way about your SO as you did before. At least for me, I tend to play a lot of mind-tricks on myself especially when I know that I will see him soon. The first couple days seeing him again are so weird too. Like for instance, the first time I saw him again after that 7 months I remember thinking that his accent was much stronger than I remember (which is probably true being back home for so long without speaking English much!) and that it felt awkward to hug/kiss him. Those feelings passed pretty quickly, but I think a lot of it had to do with me fearing the worst about my relationship and that things wouldn't go back to normal again like they were when we were CD. With being in a Nederlander-American couple myself (although the opposite end!), I totally get a lot of the cultural/language/whatever else problems you two may encounter. Feel free to send me a PM if you ever feel the need to hear from a similar couple!

**Marleen** · June 9, 2015, 10:57 AM

MissingMyDutchLove, thank you so much for your reply! You are right, I just make it really complicated for myself sometimes. While it is just so simple, we love each other very much and that is all that matters. No need for negative thinking! This time is the longest we will be apart, for 10 weeks, and are just half way. I know a lot of people wish they could see their SO that often, so I will not complain about that. But I might have to do something with my fear, like you pointed out. That it won't be the same when we see each other again, even though there are no signals for that at all.
Nice to meet another Dutch-American couple! You feel free to PM me too if you have some questions about this little country

**candice** · June 18, 2015, 02:51 AM

Ohhh dear i know how you feel. Me and my SO have been together almost a year and longest time we have seen each other was in January and we spent amazing 10 days together. After that trip we connected each other more and more and to be honest it was really hard for him to stay apart. For me it was a little easier because my mind was so busy with my studies this semester and i had to have high grades to pass it. Because of that i was studying very hard especially the first 2 months of the semester, my mind was very busy with exams and to be honest i was used to be without him around me. Sometimes i was like "wow it does not hurt that much to be without him, am i losing my interest?!?" but sometimes when your mind was busy about something usually you forget about other stuff, you set a priority to your mind and it makes everything else bearable at some point. I realized my thoughts about losing interest was not true when i could see him after 2,5 months of being apart. When i hugged him on the airport everything else just lose their importance. Sooo nope dear do not think like that.

There is even a poem about it.

"Sometimes i feel like i do not love you
But then it goes away."

Even worrying about like this actually a proof that you love you SO still. ^^

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