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    Not sure where to go from here.

    My Bf and I were supposed to spend this year at school together, he would spend Christmas break with me more than likely and would go home in the summer. We have been officially together for almost eight months. They have been the best months we say in each other's lives. He lives in Australia so the flights from the US are not cheap. Also this was probably going to be his last year at this school and we were adjusting to that knowledge. We both figured the time spent together would weigh out any more distance that we would have to endure and we would be older. We talked about how we were the love of each other's lives...we make each other undeniably happy and always support one another. That has been the 'plan' and all we talked about was no matter what we loved each other to make it work. We talked about never giving up but we were also never discouraged really by plans falling through like this.
    Recently we have been enduring our longest time apart which is about two and half months. I have plans to visit him in a few weeks and will be meeting his family and friends and seeing the land and culture he lives in. We had originally planned on him coming back with me to come back to school, however unfortunately due to personal reasons...he will most likely not be coming back this semester. We adjusted to that, four-five months apart we were both willing to do.
    However, due to monetary restrictions there is now a possibility that he might not come back in January either. This has started to change his perspective and I think he is beginning to worry about our relationship. He has always told me no matter what that we were trying and he wasn't giving up and he would always find a way to make it work and to keep together. But now I can feel him worrying more, and we revealed our insecurities of it failing or the other person feeling fizzled out on the relationship. I know he is even more worried because he has already endured one failed long distance relationship where the girl ended up breaking up with him, and they felt like they didn't know each other. He says now that we are still going to try, we are going to stay together but he wants to prepare me and to be realistic. He is worried we will never get to see each other and the money is going to be short. I can just tell how worried he is, and I need him to remember how he felt. He keeps talking about hoping it will work out, how worried he is, and that he always plans to come find me if something happens. He is just one jumbled mess. But for now we are focusing on just the relationship we have with hopes for january. I feel also as though his friends and family are influencing his decisions and actions. They do not know me, and have not met me. I am hopeful that this visit will change that. Also he is really devoted to what he wants to do in life, he knows I will support him but he worries that will also affect the relationship and visiting. This is something I feel like the family and friends may be telling him.
    What I'm asking for is help to encourage him, and remind him all of the things we said to one another. I need to comfort him and assure him that everything will be alright. Has anyone else experienced this wall? Have you had this many plans fall through? And is this long of distance without physical contact plausible?

    Advice wanted. Thank you for reading my mini novel.

    #2
    Spend some time looking around the board, there are plenty of relationships here that have spent much longer than 2 1/2months apart. Our longest was 16months and yes it was a little difficult at times but we got through it as we both know we'd rather be together but apart than not together at all. I know there are others on here who've spent even longer than this too. You can comfort him but ultimately he has to decide for himself whether he's prepared to stick with it. You don't know for certain that everything will be alright, of course you can hope but no-one can predict the future of relationships, all you can do is take each day at a time and support eachother.

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      #3
      That was kind of the last thing we said about it, is that we were going to focus on the natural relationship we have. We are loving each other, and being best friends. We want to take it one day at a time and are focusing on the trip to see each other again in a few weeks.

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        #4
        Oh yeah, let me tell you all about our failed plans! When J and I were dating originally, he wanted to come here first, but his visa got denied both times he applied, so we didn't get to meet in person until 2 years into the relationship when I finally went there. Then he wanted to go to graduate school in the states, but wasn't accepted anywhere. Then I finally visited him again 2 years after the last visit, but we went on break after because he didn't feel like he could do the long distance any more and was afraid of cheating on me. Nothing has been easy.

        Of course, every relationship is different, and sometimes couples who spend a lot of time together struggle with spending long periods of time apart because they haven't had to deal with it before. It is really up to you and your SO to decide whether your relationship is worth pursuing despite the distance. You might need to find alternate plans (and alternate alternate plans), but if one or both of you isn't willing to put in that effort, then it's probably not going to work out in the end. Long distance requires a lot of open, honest communication, so make sure you are both discussing your fears or concerns with one another so that they can be addressed as you go.
        Canadian permanent residence APPROVED!
        Closed the Distance: 09/26/2019
        Engaged: 09/26/2020

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          #5
          I feel like if we can talk on this visit. This will really remind him how amazing we are together. I know we are young, but we don't have to make promises. even he said he wants to give it whatever happens. I have all of these plans and ideas to keep it flowing and not ruin something amazing. He knows it too, he's just scared. And being able to talk about it face to face will really make it okay again I think. He's always appreciated more serious conversations when we can see each other face to face

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            #6
            Also, we both keep talking about this is the happiest we have been. And he asked me not to talk about us struggling in the future. It was a discussion we needed to have but shouldn't ruin our relationship over.

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              #7
              UPDATE: We have been really well with one another. All excitement and fun talk about how much we miss each other and seeing each other on our first visit. I think this may show him how worth it the distance will be if it is lengthened. We talked about sending some of his clothes back for the next season he won't be here, (he left a lot of stuff at my house thinking he was coming back next month), but said to leave some of his trinkets and other things like that. So he is still good.

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