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    #1

    He asked me to stay...

    ... and i can't tell you how hard it was to say no.

    My flight home is due to leave on Saturday (18th July) and I really don't want to go home. In our heads it's the only option, realistically it's not the right choice.

    He doesn't have a job right now, employment in this area is terrible, and I don't have a job (I resigned before this visit), so both of us are currently on a search.

    Even if I managed to get an extension on my visa there is only so long the US would let me stay, my bf said we could get married - well i know i need documents for that that are all back home in the UK.

    It was so hard to look at a face that I love so much begging and pleading for me to stay for me to say no. It hurts. I don't know when our next visit will be and that scares us.

    But I know what I said is the right decision for the moment anyway. I just hope it stays as the right decision. :/
    Flying out to meet him for the first time: 16th November 2014 - 14th December 2014
    Flying out to meet him for the second time: 3rd June 2015 -18th July 2015
    Flying out to meet him for the third time: 12th December 2016 - 12th January 2017
    His first flight to me: April 2018 DENIED ENTRY
    Flying out to meet him for the fourth time: 23rd June 2018 - 7th July 2018
    Got Engaged: 12th December 2016
    Married: June 29th 2018
    Hoping to close the distance: 2019/2020
    Tags: None
    #2
    -Hugs for you- You did the right thing, as hard as a decision it was to make. I know it's not satisfying to hear now, but it will be in the future.

    -more hugs-

    Comment

      #3
      I totally get wanting to marry on the second visit. But as you say, you need papers and money - one of you will have to prove that person can support the other. If you know you will take that option, you can start saving up for wedding and visa. Hugs...
      I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
      - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



      "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

      Comment

        #4
        If only the right decisions were easy I'm sorry things are tough right now! Be persistent and keep focusing on the job stuff. Is a move in the cards for him, is he looking for jobs outside of his area? Hopefully employment will work out for him too. I'm rooting for you both!

        ~
        It'll take a lot more than words and guns
        A whole lot more than riches and muscle
        The hands of the many must join as one
        And together we'll cross the river

        Comment

          #5
          You can't adjust status on the VWP and you are making the right choice coming back. I know it's really hard but if you stayed you would end up getting deported and it would be near on impossible for you to go back. I think you need to go home, get things sorted and then go back and arrange getting married. As I said if his parents were willing to co-sponsor there wouldn't be an issue with him supporting you, but you will need to find work and that will be hard in that area. Big hugs hun, I know how hard it is. But you are making the right decision. You do need to come back. I have seen first hand the affects of overstaying as my best friend did it and it's not pretty. Message me when you get a chance and I will tell you about it some time. Take care.xx
          Engaged Dec 2015!! Visa approved June 2016 . Married July 18th 2016 <3

          Home is where the heart is and my home will always be with my love.
          All the way from England to the USA.

          Comment

            #6
            I think it's actually very not supportive from your bf to beg you to stay. He should also know that this is not even a possibility and shouldn't really make this any harder.....

            Comment

              #7
              If only the right decisions were easy I'm sorry things are tough right now! Be persistent and keep focusing on the job stuff. Is a move in the cards for him, is he looking for jobs outside of his area? Hopefully employment will work out for him too. I'm rooting for you both!
              At the moment it seems like the only option for him is to work off-shore on an oil rig. When I say there is no work around here it's a 20-30 minute drive to the closest town and he doesn't have transport, the local bus system says where he lives isn't rural enough to pick him up and take him (stupid right?). The only problem is he needs $100 to get a special card that would let him work off-shore, which means i'll probably end up paying for it, however if he gets the job off-shore he'll be able to pay me back for that within the first week.
              Flying out to meet him for the first time: 16th November 2014 - 14th December 2014
              Flying out to meet him for the second time: 3rd June 2015 -18th July 2015
              Flying out to meet him for the third time: 12th December 2016 - 12th January 2017
              His first flight to me: April 2018 DENIED ENTRY
              Flying out to meet him for the fourth time: 23rd June 2018 - 7th July 2018
              Got Engaged: 12th December 2016
              Married: June 29th 2018
              Hoping to close the distance: 2019/2020

              Comment

                #8
                I think the oil rig is a big possibility for him to at least get a job and get sorted. Any job is better than no job for him right now and it'd be a huge boost for his morale too.
                Engaged Dec 2015!! Visa approved June 2016 . Married July 18th 2016 <3

                Home is where the heart is and my home will always be with my love.
                All the way from England to the USA.

                Comment

                  #9
                  The way America works....tell him to move to Mexico, become a citizen, the sneak into America illegally. He will get all kinds of benefits handed to him.....


                  But seriously.....I know how you are feeling, If I didn't have children there are many times I would have considered resigning my job and stay in NY with my SO. GOOD luck to you!
                  sigpic

                  I love him. Forever. And every day after that.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Short term pain for long term gains!! Remember that! As hard as it is, know you're doing the right thing!

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Originally posted by aleksaaw View Post
                      I think it's actually very not supportive from your bf to beg you to stay. He should also know that this is not even a possibility and shouldn't really make this any harder.....
                      I completely agree with this! It's hard enough to leave your loved one, but having pressure from them to stay when that isn't possible is enough to break your heart!

                      Comment

                        #12
                        I'm not sure where he is in Louisiana, but there are jobs. I bet you're ready to get out of the heat we have here. Kudos to you for choosing the decision that is in your best interests.

                        I might not mind if my SO said she would like if I stayed, and that she likes my company and being with me.. However, if she pressured me to stay, then I would have to make a boundary around being pressured to stay. I would tell her that even though I like to be with her, I don't appreciate being pressured to stay. If she continued to pressure me, at some point it's on me for tolerating it, and no longer on her once I set my boundary.
                        Last edited by hmrambling; July 16, 2015, 12:17 PM.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Originally posted by hmrambling View Post
                          I'm not sure where he is in Louisiana, but there are jobs. I bet you're ready to get out of the heat we have here. Kudos to you for choosing the decision that is in your best interests.

                          I might not mind if my SO said she would like if I stayed, and that she likes my company and being with me.. However, if she pressured me to stay, then I would have to make a boundary around being pressured to stay. I would tell her that even though I like to be with her, I don't appreciate being pressured to stay. If she continued to pressure me, at some point it's on me for tolerating it, and no longer on her once I set my boundary.
                          Where he is in Louisiana is pretty remote, his little town has 1 store that hires 3 people to do everything, next closest thing is a 10 min walk they also hire the same amount of people for everything, after that the closest town is about a 20-30 car ride away and he has no means of getting the transportation to get to those jobs, we've tried :/

                          Oh and yeah this heat >< I got heat exhaustion 2 weeks ago and none of them are letting me outside really, had to cancel a trip to the zoo
                          Flying out to meet him for the first time: 16th November 2014 - 14th December 2014
                          Flying out to meet him for the second time: 3rd June 2015 -18th July 2015
                          Flying out to meet him for the third time: 12th December 2016 - 12th January 2017
                          His first flight to me: April 2018 DENIED ENTRY
                          Flying out to meet him for the fourth time: 23rd June 2018 - 7th July 2018
                          Got Engaged: 12th December 2016
                          Married: June 29th 2018
                          Hoping to close the distance: 2019/2020

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Sorry to hear that you're not adapting to the heat easily. Be sure to drink lots of water. If you have some salt intake, it helps to retain the water so that you don't sweat all of the water out. It's a huge difference from UK, for sure. Best of luck to both of you. It's hard to find employment in walking distance around here. We really need cars. He might have to catch a ride until he can save up to buy a car. I can't imagine being around here with no way to go, but I've certainly seen folks work through things until they can save up for transportation.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Having to leave is always tough - me and my SO are sort of in the same position. He has a job back in his hometown while I don't even have an education yet, and I know there's no way in hell I'd find a job over there as of today. It breaks your heart, and it sucks, but what helps for me is just keeping my eyes on the prize - that one day, we'll be able to live together and not have to be apart again


                              Met online: February 2011
                              Met the first time: August 16, 2011

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