Feeling 'empty' when I'm at home...

[SquishyTacos]

Hey everyone,
I'm new to this forum and have been reading for months, but finally decided to create an account as I need to talk to other people who are in the same boat, who isn't just my Partner!

Quick intro to my relationship, I am 24F from the UK in a relationship with my partner 22M in the USA. We met last September at a concert when I was visiting friends in the states, we started talking on twitter, then private message, skype, text etc. and now we have been a couple for a year last week.
I have visited him twice this year, in May for my birthday and again in September just gone, and in total we have spent around 4 weeks with each other in person.

We are very much in love and have spoken about our future, marriage, closing the distance, he has a daughter so I would have to move to him if things head that way.

My problem is that since I came back in September I feel like I am running on empty, those two weeks I spent with him went so slowly and it felt like I was with him for so long. His family were so welcoming and I felt at home and completely comfortable. But now that I am back in the UK I feel like nothing I do is of importance, I have lost interest in my job and I am just working each day to get it out of the way. I need my job because it pays well enough that I can afford to visit him as often as I have done, and I have no plans on leaving don't get me wrong. I guess I can only describe myself as feeling in limbo and I don't feel at home in my own house, I don't care for my belongings and I have lost interest in certain friends who aren't there for me/supportive of how I'm feeling. I'd just like to add that I don't feel depressed... I am not locking myself away and shutting myself off, I just feel like I am going through the motions of every day life.

I know my partner is planning on proposing in the future, but when and how he has not said, he has only hinted. So until that happens the dream of a future with him is what gets me by, saving my money each month, and making goals for us to aim for.

Does anyone else get this 'empty' feeling when they have come back from a visit?
I'm sure some of you do, I just need some reassurance I guess.

[Unicorn26]

You are not alone.

I have just got back from my first visit and I feel exactly the same. Everything seems pointless, plus it doesn't help that we are going into winter.

I loved spending every minute with my SO, to be able to talk to him whenever I wanted to, to cuddle him if I felt like it, best of all just being with him and not talking, simply enjoying each other's company.

It's so hard, I'm just glad there are people here who understand.

[Rusty]

When I return from a rendezvous, I actually feel great and go into work the next day on Cloud 9. The rest of the week usually flies by and by the end, I'm still high from the visit. Then on the weekend, I'm happy to be at home and working on projects. However, that's usually the limit of my happiness if there isn't another visit either the following weekend or the one after that. I'd say that around the third week after a visit, I feel kind of ho-hum and if another weekend has to pass before we can get together, I do feel what you described. Right now, I'm struggling through a six-week stretch with no visits, including up to a week of my SO being out of reach (he'll be out hunting) and it's taking it's toll--this much time apart is raising a bunch of fears and irrational thoughts, as well as making it hard to concentrate on my hobbies and interests. So I know what you're talking about.

[SquishyTacos]

You are not alone.

I have just got back from my first visit and I feel exactly the same. Everything seems pointless, plus it doesn't help that we are going into winter.

I loved spending every minute with my SO, to be able to talk to him whenever I wanted to, to cuddle him if I felt like it, best of all just being with him and not talking, simply enjoying each other's company.

It's so hard, I'm just glad there are people here who understand.

We have found it easier to cope by setting mini goals, his next visit is in March, but right now we are counting down to Christmas. We are at around 4ish months until we next see each other, but when I got back it was around 6 months and the thought of that killed me to think about. It will be his first time flying and leaving the States so that he can see England and meet my Family and Friends.

But until I know really know where my future is headed I find myself really detached from everything I own and where I live, I don't even really buy things for myself anymore because I think 'What's the point, if I end up moving I'll only throw it away'. I'm not sure if it's good or bad, it's certainly good for my wallet though... :P

When I return from a rendezvous, I actually feel great and go into work the next day on Cloud 9. The rest of the week usually flies by and by the end, I'm still high from the visit. Then on the weekend, I'm happy to be at home and working on projects. However, that's usually the limit of my happiness if there isn't another visit either the following weekend or the one after that. I'd say that around the third week after a visit, I feel kind of ho-hum and if another weekend has to pass before we can get together, I do feel what you described. Right now, I'm struggling through a six-week stretch with no visits, including up to a week of my SO being out of reach (he'll be out hunting) and it's taking it's toll--this much time apart is raising a bunch of fears and irrational thoughts, as well as making it hard to concentrate on my hobbies and interests. So I know what you're talking about.

I wish my visits were that frequent... I next see him in 134 days. I'm a real cry baby so I was real emotional when I left him at the airport and that feeling stuck with me my entire flight back, then for days after. I think it is just taking me some time to get over that heartbroken feeling of leaving him behind.

I feel better hearing other people's thoughts on this though. :]

[Unicorn26]

We are in a very similar situation. He is planning to visit me in March and it will also be his first time out of the states. We do not have a set date yet, I wish I had a countdown no matter how big! We waited almost 3 years to finally meet and it was incredible, 4-5 months is nothing. It will fly by

[Rusty]

I wish my visits were that frequent... I next see him in 134 days.

Thank you for the perspective. I saw my SO three separate weekends in September because we knew that his work schedule was going to prevent any visits in October, and I feel very thankful for that even while I'm going through turmoil now. I know a lot of members of these forums live much further from their SOs and visits have to be planned for a long time in advance, and I don't know how you stand it!

[R&R]

Welcome to the forum. My SO is in IN as well! We've been together almost 2 years. I've been there 4 times and he'll be here in a few weeks for his 4th trip.

I think your use of the word "limbo" pretty accurately describes LDR's. You're waiting for the next step, which is closing the distance. However, it's still very important to remember that your SO and relationship are only a part of what should be a very full life. Your family, your friends, your job and your activities that were all there before the relationship should still be very actively in place. What made you happy before and brought you joy should still do those things. I think sometimes it's hard to put the relationship in perspective as we can obsess over the distance and make this relationship so much our main focus instead of one part of our entire life. (Does that make sense?)

[SquishyTacos]

We are in a very similar situation. He is planning to visit me in March and it will also be his first time out of the states. We do not have a set date yet, I wish I had a countdown no matter how big! We waited almost 3 years to finally meet and it was incredible, 4-5 months is nothing. It will fly by

My boyfriend saved up and was planning on booking his flights when I was with him in September, but before my visit the prices dropped by $300 so I told him to go and book! It's so expensive for him to visit me in the UK, the flights and conversion rate is against him. We use Skyscanner to track flight prices for our future visits. :]

I know a lot of members of these forums live much further from their SOs and visits have to be planned for a long time in advance, and I don't know how you stand it!

The missing is the hardest part, but we set mini goals and things to count down to between the time we see each other next. It makes it feel like time is going faster for us ha.

Welcome to the forum. My SO is in IN as well! We've been together almost 2 years. I've been there 4 times and he'll be here in a few weeks for his 4th trip.

I think your use of the word "limbo" pretty accurately describes LDR's. You're waiting for the next step, which is closing the distance. However, it's still very important to remember that your SO and relationship are only a part of what should be a very full life. Your family, your friends, your job and your activities that were all there before the relationship should still be very actively in place. What made you happy before and brought you joy should still do those things. I think sometimes it's hard to put the relationship in perspective as we can obsess over the distance and make this relationship so much our main focus instead of one part of our entire life. (Does that make sense?)

Ah really? My boyfriend lives right by the Ohio and Kentucky border...

I'm not trying to cut myself off from my family and friends, hobbies, work... I'm still going out and seeing people. I just REALLY have to motivate myself to do it...
I think leaving him for the second time has just left me a little heartbroken. I bonded with his daughter and Mum a lot during my visit, so I miss being around them and I miss his home. It's almost like Homesickness when I'm at home. It will all pass, we have to get through all the hard times to make this whole thing worth it.

Thank you for your words though, reading that helped put a few things into perspective.

[lovecanhappen]

I'm in the same boat. Since the last visit (4 months ago) I've become more and more withdrawn from just about everything. We've been living 10,000 miles apart for a year and a half and it has taken its toll on me. The worst part is that there is only a little time in the morning and at night to talk because of the time difference. When I'm home alone on the weekends the loneliness hits bad. I know that empty feeling all too well. You are not alone. I'm reaching out to find other people to talk to that are in the same boat. You are right. It will all pass. Hang in there

[rachel0106]

Replying because I'm feeling the exact same after having to say goodbye yesterday, I bawled my eyes out - it was so painful having to say goodbye. He's awaiting confirmation of possible vacation days from his work in March so we haven't booked any dates to see each other again just yet. It really helps having a set date to see each other again. But I agree - despite having family, etc to come back to I still feel very empty & like I left a big piece of me over there.

[forthelonghaul]

Posting because I'm currently feeling this very strongly after my visit with him this past weekend (aka just said bye yesterday). The whole way home I felt so off because I was filled with love & happiness from seeing him, but also intense dread and emptiness due to leaving. It's almost been 24 hours & feel disassociated from everything. Very much so a 'going through the motions' feeling. I havent quite figured out what it is that I'm feeling nor how to deal with it effectively yet. I know I'll be seeing him in 2 weeks even, but I can't help but despise being away from him. It probably doesn't help that I don't have any family where I moved to nor any close friends (friends I'd be willing to divulge this sort of topic to). It's an annoying feeling and for lack of a better term I feel lame.

[elaineh4120]

u r not alone for sure with this. i have visited my bf 5 times and everytime i leave i feel empty, and it doesnt go away until i am back with him.
we r planning on getting married next year but then we still have to wait after marriage to close the gap as i need to find a permanant home for him to live in the uk and my money doesnt stretch far enough to save much each month.

if u get to talk to him on skype etc then count your blessings babe. i am only communicating via fb messenger at the moment cos we hardly have time to talk cos we both work different work patterns, and that is hard for me cos i miss seeing his face and hearing his voice.

[Stellasman]

Hi, I have just signed up to this site to try and deal with the roller-coaster of a long distance with a lovely women who lives 3500kms from me.

I am finding it so hard to deal with the distance and with the unknown when you send email or text and it doesn't get answered immediately, and the question of how much communication is enough or how much is too much.

[Stellasman]

I know how you feel, the empty feeling when you don't have type of contact even for a hour........it is horrible. I can tell you you are not lame just human with a heart.

[Stellasman]

I know how you feel.