I screwed up... Is there a chance we can get past this?

[Abby84]

So, our LDR has been a fast-paced whirlwind. We met just before I left Ecuador and so we had to start our relationship long distance. We talked every day for hours and a month later we met for our first date/kiss/everything in The Dominican Republic. It was amazing and as two recently divorced people it was something neither of us were looking for or expecting to find so soon. But, then we returned back to reality living 3,000 miles apart. He hated my job, managing a bar, he hated that i went out with friends, he had many trust issues from his previous marriage. We had a few bad weeks and we fought. I got drunk one night, he and I got into a fight about it and I decided I couldn't handle this anymore.... I cheated. It was the biggest mistake of my life. I immediately regretted it and realized I love this man so much. I have been completely devoted to him and I have not ben going out at all. We met for the second time in Miami this past weekend and I told him what happened because I could't live with that secret.. He broke up with me. But, now says he can't let me go even though he needs time to decide if he can get past this and trust me again. He says I have to prove to him I can change. I don't know what to do to prove to him I am different from so far away. He doesn't believe anything I have told him. I love him so much it hurts. How can I win back his trust?

[Moon]

I have to wonder if the things you'll have to do to regain his trust are worth it? You cheated on a guy who hates that you manage a bar and hates that you go out with friends, are you OK with giving up your job and your friends? Because that's probably what he'll need you to do for him to even start rebuilding trust. You cheated on a guy who already had trust issues, that was a move that ultimately might not be fixable, I'm afraid. Your relationship is still very new, so I'm not sure if you are better off just letting him go and learn a lesson from it. You might have to give up just too much for something that may or may not work in the end, emotions are funny things, he may never completely trust you again, no matter what you do. Good luck.

[MissButterfly]

I agree with Moon, you have to ask yourself if it's worth trying to fix. Do you really want to be the only one putting in so much effort, when you're completely changing yourself for him? Of course you love him, so your instinct will probably say that you'll do anything to get him back. But is he really worth giving up your friends and your job? He had trust issues already when you did nothing wrong, so I really wonder what he'll demand from you in order to trust you now. It's important that you still have a life of your own that you are happy with next to your relationship, especially while you're long-distance. So when you say you completely devote yourself to him, do you still feel like you are yourself? I know I'm basically rephrasing everything that Moon said, but this is super important. I changed myself a lot in my previous relationship, because I thought I needed to for him to love me more, to be a better/nicer person. I couldn't keep up with it in the end and it taught me a lot about myself.

[whatruckus]

Wait, so you've only been dating less than 2 months, and you're already fighting and cheating??? He already has trust issues with you before you even did anything wrong? Then you cheated because you couldn't handle it? Then, being an honest person, you told him and he breaks up with you. But, now he can't "let you go"? Am I missing something?

You should still be in that Honeymoon Phase, even if you are LDR. You two should be up each other's butts in love. This doesn't sound right to me.

Honestly, I don't think your relationship is going to work, given the information you told us.

You already chose what you wanted when you cheated on him. You cheated on him because you couldn't stand him trying to control you and him hating everything you did with out him, and him not trusting you. There's your answer...

[MissingMyDutchLove]

And to echo the very smart people above me: long distance is all about trust. There is a chance that you two will be okay, but once you lose that trust, you have a hell of a time getting it back. Sometimes it never returns.

[Abby84]

Thank you all! I actually read everything to my SO and I think all the honest an unbiased opinions from you were important for both of us to hear and accept, even though some points were hard to swallow. We agreed to take some time apart to re-evaulate our feelings about everything and see where we end up. Who knows. It hurts like hell.....But, its the right thing to do.