How Do You Cope.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Well if I needed a shock reminder how much my SO hates texts and to much communication well today i got it. Being a human being and missing her terribly I made the mistake of sending her a text saying "I miss you and the silence is deafening". Simply saying I miss her and the silence from her end is very loud.

Well she asked me to call her and she told me in no uncertain words "one more text and we are finished"

To me there are four important foundations to a relationship, Trust, Respect, Honesty and communication. I thought she felt the same early on as we texted each other all the time, but then all of a sudden she placed a ban on texts so all we have is a phone call in the morning and if I am lucky one at night.

My brain says she is playing games tell her it is over but my heart says NO give her a chance.

I honestly don't know what to do.

This reads red flags all over it. I get if you're sending constant messages (are you? Because if you are you need to cut it out), but a few text here or there, especially sweet ones like I miss you shouldn't be a cause for a potential breakup. Something else is going on here. If you ask me, you need to listen to your gut on this one, which is concurring with your brain. You see the red flags too. Most people can't, so that's a really good thing on your part, but you have to realize that if you can see the red flags that means that they are not just teeny tiny flags that you can ignore. They are HUGE BIG RED flags that are blowing in the wind and hitting you in the face with every gust and you still are saying "if I close my eyes, I can pretend they aren't there". For your sake, I hope your heart is right, but I'm pretty sure that that trusting heart is going to get broken. I'm very sorry.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Hi staruletto,

Before I met my SO we texted like nothing else it has been since we met that the communication suffered. Until you meet the SO you can only guess what they are like from phone calls and texts but once I met her I knew she was the one and I think she did too. It is so hard when one person loves to communicate and the other doesn't. If someone sends me a text I will show that person the respect they deserve and reply, regardless of what I am doing.

Also, it needs to be highlighted that you think she isn't showing you respect. Don't you think you deserve more than that?

[Stellasman]

Believe it or not she just sent me a text asking if my house work jobs were done.

I have to agree with everything you have said BUT am i man enough to day goodbye to her.

[Stellasman]

She actually accused me of not respecting her feelings by texting her when she had told me not too. I don't understand it is only a text!

[whatruckus]

I think you should listen to your head. Something doesn't seem right and she shouldn't snap at you for that type of text. Her reaction was uncalled for and just downright rude and obnoxious.

You're 54. I don't think you really need, or have time, to be with someone who plays games like your SO does to you. I say move on, and find someone who will respect you, show you that they respect you, and give you the time and attention you need and deserve.

[Stellasman]

Good advice but what I do with it is anyones guess.

[R&R]

It's time to be an adult. You have lost yourself in this woman - or an image you have of this woman. I think the woman you think you have fallen in love with an the actual person are two different things. You have a fantasy of what this relationship could be and it's quite clearly not going to be how you want it.

What were you doing with your life before you met her? I'd say you need to get back to whatever it was. I understand this is her first relationship in over 30 years but that doesn't give her the right to act like she is. It appears she's not ready for a real relationship and you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you, communicates with you and treats you with importance and respect.

We're not saying it would be easy to end it. However, at 54, I think you are quite capable of handling it and moving forward with your life.

[Unicorn26]

Well if I needed a shock reminder how much my SO hates texts and to much communication well today i got it. Being a human being and missing her terribly I made the mistake of sending her a text saying "I miss you and the silence is deafening". Simply saying I miss her and the silence from her end is very loud.

Well she asked me to call her and she told me in no uncertain words "one more text and we are finished"

To me there are four important foundations to a relationship, Trust, Respect, Honesty and communication. I thought she felt the same early on as we texted each other all the time, but then all of a sudden she placed a ban on texts so all we have is a phone call in the morning and if I am lucky one at night.

My brain says she is playing games tell her it is over but my heart says NO give her a chance.

I honestly don't know what to do.

What the hell??? One more text and we are finished??? Wow...

I am going to be honest here. I don't think this woman loves you. I have been with my SO for three years. Even after all this time my heart still skips a beat whenever I get a text from him. I am always delighted to hear from him even when I'm busy or it's not convenient to reply. He says the same, he always tells me to text him whenever I feel like it. He will send me random I love you texts and I love receiving them.

You sound like a really nice guy and deserve way better than this, you really do! These mind games are nasty and unnecessary. Don't put up with it. Talk to her and sort it out or walk away. This is no base for a relationship let alone a long distance one where good communication is the key to making it work. Carrying on like this just means heartache for you.

[Honour]

Wow, if my SO did this to me, I'd be so pissed off. Just ask yourself, do you want to put up with her ways of treating you like shit just because you've invested your feelings and you care for her, yet she doesn't care about you obviously? You're not a glutton for punishment, best advice I can give is get outta there as soon as you can. As the others have said, there's a lot of red flags present and you're aware of them, so do something about it. I'm sorry you're being treated like this, you seem like a nice enough guy, but don't let her drag you down.

[ThePhoenixRises]

I would be devastated if my guy did this. And also very angry. I can tell you - if he ever wrote to me anything like 'one more text and we are through' I would kick him to the curb very quickly. She is not being fair on you and you should think about getting out now. Yes it is very hard but you will heal and you will meet someone else eventually who is more deserving of you.

I am sorry that you are going through this - but it is better to get out now before you invest any further time or feelings into this relationship.

[whatruckus]

Yea, honestly. If my SO said that to me, I would literally get in my car and drive to his house. And, if he wasn't home, I'd check all the bars he usually goes to, or wait for him to get out of work and slap him upside the head and then say, "NOW we are done."

I'm 27, you're twice my age. Even I have the sense to know something is wrong and that you don't deserve that type of comment, or treatment. My Ex used to use those types of threats on me all the time. Why? Because he enjoyed having all the control in the relationship and loved to be manipulative. Let me tell you, I dealt with that and was stupid enough to stay with someone like that for 5 years. 5 YEARS. You know what I think now? "Why the hell didn't I get out earlier when I had the chance? When I knew he was a scum bag? Why did I stay?" I was young when I met him. 19 years old an he was my first real relationship and first actual boyfriend. Again I say, you're 54. You should be wiser than me. You have years of experience compared to me. You should know by now that there is someone else out there for you that will care for you and love you, and treat you with respect.

Break ups are never easy, but you shouldn't stay with someone who treats you like complete garbage because you are afraid to be alone, or afraid to find someone else. There is always someone else out there. Even when we've felt we've met our "match". I'm realistic, I know my SO isn't the only one who could be out there for me. It's a choice to stay.