Overthinking, miscommunication and the rollercoaster ride that is the LDR :)

[ThePhoenixRises]

Hello all,

I guess I was just wanting some feedback or support at this time

My guy and I have been talking now since August 2015. It didn't start out as a LDR - we simply met on a language exchange site and the relationship grew from there. We talk every single day (unless one of us has no internet connection if we are away etc). By October we knew and admitted that we had strong feelings for each other. He is a sweetheart and I have never felt so matched with someone before.

We usually talk on the phone in the morning, and the night, and chat throughout the evenings. Our time difference is 10hrs, so that can make it interesting! He calls me between meetings at work (during my evening he is at work). He calls me on his way home. We would average 2-3 phonecalls on most days (10miins - 1hr depending). He makes time for me.

We have not met yet but our first meeting is in 6 weeks...he will be coming here, ticket and visa is done, and we are both very excited.

I guess that I have found myself overthinking things recently. Sometimes if I don't get an email (I usually get one from him each day - very rare that I don't!) it concerns me and it is really ridiculous because I know I have nothing to worry about. He is very good with communicating with me. He has sent me flowers, cards and love letters in the mail. I would say that right now our communication level is the same as what it has been, so I am not sure where these feelings of insecurity are coming from. I guess I want to know - is it normal to feel fear and doubt sometimes....I suppose it is But I am at the point where if I don't hear from him right away at the 'normal time' I seem to panic a bit. And I always end up hearing from him. Aaargh! I am really not a clingy person!

Some days I am really happy and feel like I am floating on air, other days I feel a little bit down (there's that rollercoaster thing!!).

I just wish I could stop overthinking everything. This has only started recently and I wonder if it is because our first meeting is actually quite soon.

I guess the million dollar question is what do you guys do when you start feeling this way? Overthinking every little thing that your SO does or does not do? He has given me no reason to doubt him, he is very caring and communicative.

I know that really I should just talk to him about this to alleviate my fears But I would just like some support - as I know that people here have been through this hell

I also suspect that he and I probably have different needs with communication also. Which is where some issues can occur.

Anyway...there's my story, any feedback or support would be great because I am having a down-day today and I need to drag myself out of it.

[Honour]

Honestly, distraction is the best thing. My SO has been in Germany past 3 days, won't be back until the 18th late night, and we've had no contact during that time, in regards to his current situation/family's situation. He has been in mourning. I've found it very difficult, so I've been surrounding myself with music/playing the violin, video games, my parents, watching films/youtube videos, looking at social media, etc. It all adds up. In short, whatever you love doing, do it. Go out, do stuff with friends. I'm a worrier and I tend to jump the gun when I worry, so I completely understand. Feel free to message me if you want.

[differentcountries]

Also, overthinking is common in the beginning even in Close Disance romantic relationships. I used to think stupid things like SO would cheat on me or he would get killed in traffic.

I find that as I get "old" in this relationship, I don't overthink as much, it is more I am concerned about long term things like money for visits and closing the distance.

I wish you good luck on distracting yourself (I used to use workout among other things) and on the upcoming visit! First visits are great!

[Jaac]

Oh yeah... Overthinking can be hell!
I used to overthink all the time. Especially when I could see he had seen my message but he hadn't responded yet. I would think that I was being annoying or clingy and then he didn't feel like talking to me.
Honestly though, eventhough you're in a relationship, both parties have their own lives. Probably more than in a CD relationship.
When he's not responding straight away, he might be dealing with an issue like running late for something because he lost his key and couldn't leave. I don't know
Maybe he just wants to have a little bit more time to respond with care and interest instead of quickly, and that's why he's waiting until he has time.
There are tons of options that you don't know about because you're simply not there.

If you're in a good relationship and you have a great visit, this overthinking thing will probably fade out!
You'll come to know each others habits and each others worries better, and accept the way things are going.

You're deffinately not alone in this, and I think everyone is insecure every once in a while.
Don't worry and have a great time together And don't forget to maybe express these feeling towards him. That might help.

[ThePhoenixRises]

Thanks everyone for your replies Yes, I have found that keeping myself busy is the best thing that I can do. I was able to have a good, long talk with him yesterday and it has alleviated all of my overthinking issues (for now!). He certainly is a wonderful guy and has been so good with communication throughout the past months. I certainly know how to pick someone far away! But then again, everything seems far away from Australia!

I know that really the only solution for this is when I actually meet him, so that we can get out of the 'limbo' state and actually know what it is to be in each other's company, and to see what the chemistry is like. But yes, I will miss him a lot until then.

[thaorabbitnguyen]

Oh yeah... Overthinking can be hell!
I used to overthink all the time. Especially when I could see he had seen my message but he hadn't responded yet. I would think that I was being annoying or clingy and then he didn't feel like talking to me.
Honestly though, eventhough you're in a relationship, both parties have their own lives. Probably more than in a CD relationship.
When he's not responding straight away, he might be dealing with an issue like running late for something because he lost his key and couldn't leave. I don't know
Maybe he just wants to have a little bit more time to respond with care and interest instead of quickly, and that's why he's waiting until he has time.
There are tons of options that you don't know about because you're simply not there.

If you're in a good relationship and you have a great visit, this overthinking thing will probably fade out!
You'll come to know each others habits and each others worries better, and accept the way things are going.

You're deffinately not alone in this, and I think everyone is insecure every once in a while.
Don't worry and have a great time together And don't forget to maybe express these feeling towards him. That might help.

OMG exactly that i overcame. Right now i sometimes overthink, but not much.Anw, after all we're still women. I always try to come out of that status after a day and i come back with my happiness. I realized when i 'm happy and inspire them for him, apparently he is attracted by me more.
Feel free message me, I hope to meet more friends being the same rls!

[rache82]

The Op is talking my language. This post really helped. Thank you all.