CD friends

[maybi]

I wanted your opinions on when you have friends in CD relationships who complain about doing a little distance to you. My one friend has been in a relationship for three years, she's 19, and practically lives with her boyfriend. They'll stay at each other's house for multiple nights a week. Recently her boyfriend decided to go to a college that is an hour away and my friend is devastated. They both have cars and financial means to see eachother every weekend. She was complaining to me and I was trying to be helpful about saying that the distance isn't much at all. My own relationship is 3000 miles apart and she says that its not comparable, but my bf and I started off CD ourselves. Either way I say she's very lucky it's only and hour away and she shouldn't try to hold him back because of that small distance. Do you guys have friends that complain about distance to you even though you have a much farther distance?

[80anthea]

People have a right to moan about whatever they want to. There will always be people worse off than you and you will always be better off than some people. No her distance isn't as great as yours and she gets to see her boyfriend more than you do but that doesn't mean she can't find her situation difficult.

Relationships aren't a competition.

[Miasmata]

Yeah, she has a right to complain. Obviously, she shouldn't be dramatic or act as if she's the only person who's hurting, but as long as you feel she respects you and your struggles as well, let her complain sometimes.

[whatruckus]

I know people like that. My distance is no where like anyone else's on here, we're only an hour and a half to two hours apart. I actually never complain. Being on here gives me a greater appreciation that our distance isn't as great. But, I do still get people saying to me, "I don't know how you do it."

What does your friend mean that it's not comparable? You've been where she is when you and your SO first moved apart. So, actually it is comparable. You know how she feels.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

I totally understand where you're coming from. It's hard not to get bitter when people are complaining about only getting to see each other on the weekends or even some stupid stuff that CD couples fight about. I've had to really take a step back when these upset me and realize that everyone has their own problems. Yes, I see my boyfriend once every couple of months, but our relationship is a hell of a lot stronger than a lot of my CD friend's relationships. They may see each other all the time, but they have other stresses and worries that come up that I can't begin to understand. Along with that, I actually believe it's harder for those who are able to see each other ~1 or 2 times a month. We actually get the chance to get used to LD, but since it takes about two weeks for me to get in the rhythm of LD again after a visit, I can only imagine how hard it is to never really feel that comfort while being LD because you keep having to grieve their absence.

Recently, a friend just went LD with her boyfriend temporarily. I've really tried to be there for her and help her through the process. Instead of being jealous that they have a chance to see each other more and that their LD time will be short in general, I've been using my shitty experience to help her have less of a shitty time. It kind of makes me feel better about the whole thing.

[lucybelle]

Relationships aren't a competition.

It's not about who has it worse, it's about being there for each other when times are hard.

[Honour]

Everyone reaches the end of their tether with things, so I don't blame her for complaining. What anthea and lucybelle said, too.

[dotk]

I don't really have a very different opinion to what the others have said but I will give mine anyways. I have learned very early on that while distances might not be comparable it is ALWAYS difficult to be LD...no matter ow far one is. As longs as isn't telling you how much worse off SHE is than you I really think she has the right to complain about it because it isn't nice for her.
If she was trying to hold her bf back though I would try to have a talk with her but NOT mention that the she would have it so much better than you but just encourage her that it is doable and that it can strengthen the relationship too to have to go though a time of LD.
Her complaining about a little distance is not threatening or belittling your pain about a much longer distance. <3