Need opinions before telling my SO something huge!

[imloca]

a few months ago i started chatting with one guy on kik and honestly i had no idea how it all happened but we both fell for each other. everything is so great between us cause we feel comfortable telling each other stuff no one know about us and all that. and he wants to visit me next month. but there is huge BUT im a disabled person in a wheelchair and haven't told him yet. i do understand how stupid and selfish it is of me keeping it a secret cause i think he really fell in love with me. but starting this convo is so freaking hard i did a horrible mistake i know and i want to fix everything by being completely honest. and i wanna know how would u react to such news? i understand its not smth pleasant but how exactly u would feel? feeling sorry for me, repulsed, angry, weirded out? and maybe some advice how to tell him?

[MissButterfly]

Welcome to the forum! Wow, that's a difficult situation, I can understand that you're worried. However, it's just a part of who you are, and if he really loves you he'll accept that. If he doesn't, that's his problem! You can't change this about you. If I were in his shoes, I'd probably be a bit shocked and need time to adapt to the thought, but I think you are well prepared for all the possible reactions (although the ones you listed are all 'bad', if he's 'repulsed' by something like this you deserve better!). Just be honest with him as soon as possible, a 'hey, I didn't know how to bring this up before but there's something important I need to tell you' will do. There are no easy ways to say something like this. Good luck

[Mims27]

How would I react to it? I would be fine with it, if you told me in advance. Not that I would be "repulsed" if I found out when we met but I would be surprised and wondered why you hadn't told me before. I agree with MissButterfly, if the guy reacts like that then he isn't worth it. I would bring it up to him as soon as possible. Honesty is the best policy.

[Honour]

You have to be honest with him about this. No right or wrong way to tell him, just the honest way.

[80anthea]

Welcome

It maybe difficult to tell him but I agree with the others above and think you just have to do it. Sometimes the worrying makes it even worse to do and as soon as you do you'll be relieved. I had a slightly similar situation with my SO that we met on an online forum and got chatting a lot before we'd even seen each other. After a few weeks we sent each other photos but what I didn't make clear in the photos was that I have a form of dwarfism. I was very worried about telling him, especially as people in the past had called me a freak, midget etc and even said things to me like 'you're really pretty, I'd go out with you if you were taller!'.

In the end I just blurted it out one day to him and he was wonderful about it. I was then again worried when I first went to meet him and again had a bit of a meltdown to him about it all but it has now become such a non-issue between us. Yes, there's a height difference but it still works and he's helped me so much increase my own self-confidence about it all.

If he's the sort to be repulsed etc then is he really the sort of person you want in your life? Yes, he maybe shocked and you need to prepare for that but I do think it's important you tell him sooner rather than later for your own sanity more than anything.

[differentcountries]

I agree With everyone; find a quiet time of day and tell him. Hopefully he will understand why you waited and why you let him know now. You are still the same person, it is just he is getting more information about you. You share, you expand the intimacy between you.

I have lots of health issus that may not be very obvious on the outside but that has still affected my basic functions very much. I was unable to work for a long time because of pain issues, and at times I could not even digest food properly. From the time I was admitted to the hospital for being malnurished to the time I met SO I believe it went no more than 6 months! I told him upfront about everything I could think of (with polyamory thrown into the mix, I was determed to be more honest than honest about everything). I am a rather happyspirited person and I know he is proud of me for my fighter-instinct, I very rarely feel sorry for myself for long, I throw myself into action and make plans, which is something that he, being almost riddiciously physically healthy, have difficulties doing. When you see a person, you see all of them and what they can offer you, and physical health is just one aspect of that.

When you tell him, start with the most basic and concrete things. Which kind of desease do you have, or damage? How long have you had it? Is it curable or is your current situation the best possible outcome? How does it affect you? Do you use a wheelchair all of the time, some of the time or occationally? Is there something he must be prepared to do in case of an emergeny? Do you work or plan to? How do you practically manage your life?

For a person who can shit herself in public, which still happens from time to time, I assure you that that anyone worth keeping is not disgusted by things taboo. When someone cares about you, they don't see your flaws or ailments, they ONLY see your possabilities. But they don't know, so they need information from you. SO is sometimes worried about me and my diets, so it is very important that I inform him what they are and how things will affect me, and reassure him that what he does is useful to me and that things does not stand practically in the way for us having a joyful life together. He shares his worries and so they are useful reminders of what I need to do for my health, he is someone who looks after me, not someone who is there to judge. Together we work on bettering the health in the family.

My advice would be to take Skyping outside or let him see a film about how you move in and out of your wheelchair. I know people who use wheelchairs and they differ very much in types of chairs, how they look in them, how they move etc. If he is not familiar with wheelchair users he may not know this.