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South Korean guy & Irish girl (First LDR)

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    South Korean guy & Irish girl (First LDR)

    Hi everyone,

    I'm a 21 year old girl and my boyfriend is 28 years old. We've been in a LDR since November, 2015. We've known each other since last May. We became good friends through a penpal site and began skyping every week, sometimes twice a week.
    In August, we met each other for the first time. He was living in one of the cities in my country attending a language school but even though we were in the same country, we were on opposite ends to each other even then.

    In September, he came to where I live and spent two days with my family and I. We acted like a couple but nothing was official.

    In October, he had to go home but about four days before he had to leave, he came to the city where I'm going to college. We talked about where this could go. He told me he loved me but we were unsure about how this would work as feelings could change as the distance grew. We decided we'd just be friends and see what the future held. He told me about one of his relationships which was an LDR and that ended badly..after hearing that I figured I'd have even less of a chance.
    In November we were on skype like usual and he asked me to be his girlfriend.
    He told me then that since going home his feelings have gotten much stronger and that he loves me more because he's missing me a lot.

    A month after he went home he got a job. Since starting, he is working very long hours and he's exhausted..we talk once a day(through a text app) but sometimes we don't talk at all for a few days when he's busy - he goes to Japan for business. I'm trying to understand but I can't help but feel lonely when I hear nothing from him. It makes me feel like he doesn't care and that he'll suddenly break up with me. (I'm being irrational, I know)

    We still talk at the weekends but I'm worried. I want to strengthen our relationship but I keep thinking about the future.
    I mentioned it the past couple of times on skype and he doesn't understand why I keep bringing it up when we can't change the situation.. I can't help bringing it up, it's weighing on my mind a lot. I don't see how we can survive the distance(I'm the first year of my degree atm and I'm tied to Ireland until I'm finished which will be another 3 years) He told me that we just have to keep going.. He wants to return to Europe when his English improves and when he's saved up enough.

    He told me that us dating was the last for him and that he'll date with me only. He told me that he endures it because he knows he'll meet me again and after this moment, we'll have a lot of time to be together. He's brought up marriage to me.

    He told me that he'll wait for me and I trust him. I don't think he'd waste his time with me if he didn't see a future with me(considering his age)
    He won't cheat on me - we talked about this. He only wants me.

    This is my first relationship. He's dated two girls before long term.
    I do love him, I love him a lot. I don't want us to break up.

    I've saved my money since the summer and I have enough now to visit him in December 2016.

    He likes it when I send him photos and tell him sweet things but I want to do more for him.
    I'm a very affectionate person and its killing me I can't physically touch, hold him etc.

    My questions are -
    How do we survive this distance?
    In your opinion, what can I do to improve this situation/make us feel more connected?
    How do you get over not touching?
    Last edited by fairyx; March 8, 2016, 08:51 AM.

    #2
    Hi fairyx, and welcome to LFAD.

    Work keeping someone busy is a very real strain on relationships, especially when one of you has more free time than the other. And it can be tough to have to go days without hearing from each other. What I suggest is to try and keep busy during the weeks, especially when he is traveling and you know he won't be in touch. Go out with friends, find a new hobby, work ahead for school -- things to keep your mind occupied while he is also busy with his life. That's how a lot of people who have been in LDR for a while manage to survive it -- find ways not to dwell on the distance and shut yourself out from everything else, but use the time to do other things and still have a balanced life.

    As for your second question, there are many ideas around the website and the forums that can help. I am personally a fan of Skype dates, where you share a meal over Skype, or even movie dates, where you both watch the same movie at the same time. Working on a handmade card/crafting things to send as a care package is also a nice way of passing time and has the added bonus of being something you can eventually share (although that depends on whether your SO is into that kind of thing).

    For me personally, I get over the "not being able to touch each other" thing by sleeping in my SO's shirts and cuddling the stuffed animal he got me. It's not much, but it makes things somewhat bearable until we can see each other again.
    So, here you are
    too foreign for home
    too foreign for here.
    Never enough for both.

    Ijeoma Umebinyuo, Diaspora Blues

    Comment


      #3
      Originally posted by Ejoriah View Post
      Hi fairyx, and welcome to LFAD.

      Work keeping someone busy is a very real strain on relationships, especially when one of you has more free time than the other. And it can be tough to have to go days without hearing from each other. What I suggest is to try and keep busy during the weeks, especially when he is traveling and you know he won't be in touch. Go out with friends, find a new hobby, work ahead for school -- things to keep your mind occupied while he is also busy with his life. That's how a lot of people who have been in LDR for a while manage to survive it -- find ways not to dwell on the distance and shut yourself out from everything else, but use the time to do other things and still have a balanced life.

      As for your second question, there are many ideas around the website and the forums that can help. I am personally a fan of Skype dates, where you share a meal over Skype, or even movie dates, where you both watch the same movie at the same time. Working on a handmade card/crafting things to send as a care package is also a nice way of passing time and has the added bonus of being something you can eventually share (although that depends on whether your SO is into that kind of thing).

      For me personally, I get over the "not being able to touch each other" thing by sleeping in my SO's shirts and cuddling the stuffed animal he got me. It's not much, but it makes things somewhat bearable until we can see each other again.




      That. Shirts that Adam wears are the best...

      Comment


        #4
        One thing I've learned in an LDR is communication. I think it's important to have a chat with each other through some apps or messangers that allows to send pictures. I use to snap a quick photo of me in a smiling face if I'm not able to reply or write. But it's also important to remind that there are people there over the sea that also live around SO and also their life. If I'm with my own friends I tend to not text him, only when going bathrom. Even so, I just gext him shorty of what i'm doing or thinking.Thankfully we have no time diffrences so that's not a problem for us.

        I use to put a photo of him whenever I miss him, we have Pinterest which we share an own board so I can pin some quotes of how I'm feeling. Also listen to music that remind me of him, our songs. I have a bracelet that I've got from him, so I wear that and hold it when I miss him.

        I think it's good to not rush into something though, maybe talk lightly about some plans but not expecring and make decisions quickly. Good luck!

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