Needing some advice on how to deal with it, simply confused

[JaneR]

Hey guys, I'm new here and I'm needing some help because I'm so confused with everything.
I'll try to be quick and summarize our story. We met when I was studying in the US. I had to go back home for visa reasons and we're completely in love. We've been dating for over an year. When I went back to Brazil, he went with me,met my family, and we took a small vacation time for us. He came back and those were the worst 2 months of my life(that was the only time we were apart so far). I was able to visit him for 4 months , and I'm currently at his place. I'll have to go home and finish school, and we're not sure when we'll be able to see each other again(I think we won't be able to until next Christmas or so).
I'm afraid we're not in the same page of the relationship. I love him so much I would change my whole life for him. I would marry him, and when I couple months ago he said my name with his last name and started talking about "what if we got married..." I freaked out and laughed nervously, and said that my name will sound really good one day. He brought the topic back another time and everything was basically the same, and then I was super happy for a while.
After all that, we've been arguing a lot when we go out with his friends cause he's always so miserable by my side (in his defense he says he's tired and all, or he doesn't like the place...), but it seems that when i was gone he was always having so much fun with them. And now I'm leaving and he already has plans for summer and it seems like it will be a lot of fun, again, when I'm gone.
I don't know if I'm just freaking out because I'm leaving and imagining things, or if we're really in different pages of the relationship right now what do u guys think?

[JeanJean]

After all that, we've been arguing a lot when we go out with his friends cause he's always so miserable by my side (in his defense he says he's tired and all, or he doesn't like the place...), but it seems that when i was gone he was always having so much fun with them. And now I'm leaving and he already has plans for summer and it seems like it will be a lot of fun, again, when I'm gone.
I don't know if I'm just freaking out because I'm leaving and imagining things, or if we're really in different pages of the relationship right now what do u guys think?

Without a lot of details and not knowing your SO, I think he's trying to keep busy so that he can cope with you leaving again. Different people handle the separation in distinct ways, this might be his way of dealing with it.
Also the fact that he's arguing when you go out can be a way of putting up a defensive wall so that he doesn't hurt as much when you go. This is just a guess on my part.

[differentcountries]

I am guessing that distance hurt a lot for you since you are not used to it and not used to having to deal with it. The first 2 months I had to stay away from SO was hard on me too, but since then I have had to go months without him several times, and I am looking at having to continue to do it like that for a long time. We also want to marry (or "marry"), but international moves takes visa and planning and visa and planning, so it can't happen right away.

So far, you haven't had to deal with that much. You only had to stay apart the one time. Now you are suddenly looking at a long time apart, and perhaps next time you visit you will only be able to stay for a few weeks. It is hard to come to terms with.

I have been there myself that we have started fighting towards the end of a longer stay. It doesn't really make sense that one should be upset rather than grateful, but what happens is that you are not "trained" to deal with frequent goodbyes. The mind gets confused.

My suggestion is that you start to adress this directly, without accusing him (or yourself) of anything. Something like "Staying here have been great, but I will leave soon and things are about to change". I find that when I do that with SO, we get it out of the way and are able to enjoy the remaining time because we have also aqknowledged the sadness and strangeness that comes through the thoughts of being apart.