Expiration date of LDR?

[lent]

Hello!

My SO and I met about 1+ year ago though common friends. Emotionally, we took it slow because both of us were coming from recent break-ups, although our physical relationship was very fulfilling and helped us connect. He had a hard time letting go of the past (left him a big scar) and I always felt he was very distant when we spent other time together. We spent about 8 months getting to know each other and about 2 months living together.

Then I had to move to another town for my dream job, but we visited each other on the weekends for the next 4months. He recently moved to another European country to start his dream job and within the next year he'll be transferred to America. He is meant to work there for the next couple of years but he's planning to live in his home country in the long run. My post is for 4 years, but we've been discussing the chance that I may be able to work remotely from America for a couple of months over the last 2 years, and then moving in together at his home country or America perhaps.

From the first few months we both knew that our paths would be divergent and had a difficult time accepting that a relationship could work. We then agreed to enjoy every moment we had together as much as possible and deal with obstacles as they come. From my side, I love him a lot, trust him and I feel like I'm the luckiest person on earth for having met him. From his end, I know that he's been through a lot and has been wanting to settle for a long time (he's about 8yrs older). Although he says he loves me a lot too, one of his past relationships (perhaps the one with the strongest feelings) wore out due to distance, even though they had been living together for 2.5 years before and he did all that was in his power to keep it alive.

I'm sure he'll meet other women in the way as he's very sociable, but with time difference and his mediocre relationship with electronic means I'm afraid that our communication will wear out and his (female) friends will eventually substitute my role (in a non-physical way). He's now still in Europe so we've already planned to see each other over a couple of days each month, but we Skype 2 times a week and maybe send 3-4 messages to each other every day. We are not able to get into conversation however, but only just talk about everyday things briefly... I don't want him to feel like I'm constantly chasing him, nor that I'm complaining that we don't communicate so I've been trying to be very patient with his replies and in waiting for his calls. The lack of communication does cause me terrible mood swings, especially because I'm learning how to tame my jealousy, and it either makes me lose motivation in my job or the relationship altogether.

We need a lot of work to keep this ship running, but have you been in a similar situation? Do you think a distance relationship could be kept alive for 4 years? Looking forward to your advice!

Thanks!

[differentcountries]

I know several people who did long distance for 4 years or more. My SOs friend (who lives in his town in Turkey) and his fiance (who lives in my town in Norway) have been in an international long distance relationship for more than 6 years...they have a son 1,5 years old and have applied for a family reunion visa for him to come to Norway.

As for us, we have dated 2,5 years, all of it international long distance. the most time we have spent together in one stretch has been 4-5 weeks. We hope to make that 8 when he comes here in the fall, and perhaps 4-5 months one year from now. After that, who knows...What we both want, is for him to be able to work here, and for us to afford to build a summer house there, where we can go on holiday as well as to his family's home.

I used to worry "Can I do it, can it be done". But I guess the kind of environment we are in... I know a lot of people in international long distance relationships, friends and family. SO has many friends who dates foreginers; one of his friends just posted a picture of 3 couples where of two were newly engaged to Scandi women.

I KNOW I will be in an international long distance relationship for at least 3,5 years. And if we make it work, after that SO will have to go back to his own country to apply for a work visa to come here.

I am not a jealous person, that helps, I guess. But I am sometimes an insecure person when it comes to SOs affection. We have learned from mistakes we made in the past, I need to learn to not expect much when he works the hardest, and he needs to keep a minium of contact going. We are getting to know each other more, growing as a couple. I will not say I treated on glass before, but let's say I now know how to say it like it is without getting myself worked up or getting him hurt. And he knows he can tell me things, and is starting to enjoy doing so. I did not think we were playing before, but there is a relaxed atmosphere setting in. I dont see it as a ship that needs to be run anymore, more like a very long string of beads, like a rosary, where each day is a prayer and the weeks and the months go round.

I am lucky that there is no woman in his past (or rather, there was a lot of women, who meant very little), so I am not really jealous of anyone. I did have sort of the opposite problem; I worried why he had not met anyone before, like what was wrong with him that he did not love anyone before me (granted, he also worried about that). But now I just settle in that that is the way it is and our love is enough. I am enough.

There is no point in being naive, it is not all "if there is a will there is a way", but as long as there is money, time and uppertunity to stay in touch, and have visits, I don't see why having to live apart should mean that the relationship should have to break apart. In some ways, I think it makes a relationship stronger that you have to have a lot of the tough conversation eary on on the relationship. We may live apart, but we have a joint economy, future plans, he consultes me these days on which job to take...So I dont really feel the distance at the moment, even if we dont always speak a lot. We both know what the other person is doing, we send pictures and we keep in touch. That is it, really.

[abna1]

LDRs can definitely be kept alive for 4+ years. There's quite a few people on here that have been long distance for even longer and my SO and I just hit the 4-year mark a few weeks ago, too. As you already know, it's not always easy, but it can definitely be done. It takes a lot of effort and good communication. If you feel like you're not talking enough and it's giving you mood swings that are effecting other aspects of your life, make sure you talk to him about it. It's all about finding a good compromise that works for both partners.
Like differentcountries said, just making the other person feel like they're a part of your life while you're apart by letting them know what you're up to and sending pics, often makes the distance seem a little smaller.
Wish you two all the best!

[Framboise]

I know several people who did long distance for 4 years or more. My SOs friend (who lives in his town in Turkey) and his fiance (who lives in my town in Norway) have been in an international long distance relationship for more than 6 years...they have a son 1,5 years old and have applied for a family reunion visa for him to come to Norway.

You mean they will live like this.. Forever?